i look back on the days that i thought would never end, i see those days grow dark again.
i saw the world through different eyes.
i convinced myself i was in love three times too many, i guess i was confusing love with need.
i let hateful people's snide words get to me.
i was so bitter and jealous then.
i passed judgements a little too quickly-at least on that i'm better now.
i hurt myself a lot more often, i think back then i used to cry.
i used to feel so terribly alone-that hasn't changed any.
i still see the people that i hurt, the only difference is, now they're hurting me.
i remember the games of my mispent youth, and the melodramatic tragedy.
so now i look back on those dreary years, of grief to enormous to handle and a few days of sweet sunshine.
here i am, suffocating in my memories.
not full grown but stripped of my naivete and my foolish ideals.
i think the world is a little more colder now, or maybe it's just me.
the price that comes with the loss of innocence is still being collected from me.
but i have learned from my mistakes. i don't attach myself to people like i once did. after all, everyone goes away and dependencies are crippling.
i've learned and lived and died some, just like everyone must.
but still the memories rise up and overwhelm me, past mistakes and past misgivings. they make it hard to breathe at night, they make it hard to like living.
"i'm still confusing love with need" taken from Metal a song covered by Trent Reznor...those six words have a lot of meaning so please don't think less of me for borrowing them.
this is just random stuff that i felt like expressing. i don't know if you can consider it poetry. but anyone who has to cope with painful memories of growing up should understand it and maybe know where i am coming from. |
|
