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If Only I Could Lie To Me

I saw you yesterday.
I wanted to ask you how
your life was.
I wanted to tell you how
much I didn't miss you.
I wanted to see the look
in your eyes when I told you
that I didn't cry,
and I couldn't bring myself to lie.
Today's your birthday.
I wanted to spend $100 on a
promise ring, promising lies
neither you nor I could keep.
I wanted to spend $25 on knickknacks
that would make you think of me.
Instead, I spent $2 on a Hallmark card
that I was too scared to send,
and I'll never spend anything on you again.
You'll drive by again tomorrow.
I want to believe that my heart
won't stop beating at the sight of you.
I want to turn my back and
walk calmly away.
I want to let go, say a final goodbye,
and I can't talk myself into believing my lies.

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