I don’t want these images in my mind
They torment me
I flinch in pain as one surfaces unwanted
They won’t damned well leave me alone
Is it too much to ask?
Just to never recall these events
These words
These images
These feelings
These undesired recollections of the past
Those sneering people
Faces of disgust at my existence
My body freezes in fight or flight
But I can’t run from them
I can’t fight them
I remember those events yet again
They laughed at my pain
Pride in their power to hurt mind and body
MY mind and MY body
No thought as to the consequences of this
No thought to the bitter crop they will reap
I try to fight back
These people, I think to myself
They have a golden thread in their souls
They have hearts like me
They have feelings like me
They have consciences like me
So why do they insist on hurting those like me?
Alone I stand in some lonely place
Cold in both mind and body
I draw the knife across my hand
Press its cold blade to my stomach
But I’m too weak
Both in mind and body
To draw the blood from this tormented form
I bring together the poisons from all around
The poisons to bring the sweet sleep of death
Yet again I am too weak
I cannot bring myself to die
What would my friends and family think?
I am duty-bound to live until the end of my days
To be with them
Through my torment and my contentment
And all that lies between
So what of these undesired recollections?
These words
These images
These feelings
Ah well
I guess I will just continue living
I will keep searching for the release to my pain
The blade to slay these beastly memories
The poison to send them to forever sleep
Till then I will bear the cross
Endure this torment
Put on the smiling mask to hide my tears
Let you all know that I am okay
I know I am not
But as long as you don’t worry about me
Then hiding my pain is justified
Till then
Adieu, Sayonara, Farewell
I put on the smiling mask
End
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