| Falling. Slipping further into this delusion that is life. What could possibly be holding me, keeping me from universal ascension? Emotion, a spindly parasite who burrows into our ribcages and controls our choices. Limiting, narrowing, scaring, it thrives on pain and joy, its makes us feel. How sadistic is this parasite, which can only live off of the situations we encounter. I want to feel nothing, be emotionless in this world of chaos. The chaos that destroys me isn’t recognized by the sheep, how could they? The sheep, too wrapped up in their materialistic ventures to realize that their life is slowly slipping away. As long as their parasite is happy, then it shrouds the unpleasantness of living. But mine, mine is slowly dieing from malnourishment, self-injury drains its control over me, and as any dieing creature would want to do. It’s brining me down with it. If it cannot survive then it shall infest me with the deepest of pain, misery, and suffering. So I keep falling, diving into this reality with no cushion that everything will be ok, no thought that the future will hold better things laced with picket fences and great green lawns. No shrouds that soften the edges or blur the harshness. How much I wish to be simple minded at these points of time. Wish that I were just another sheep lacking the mind to complete an independent thought. But then I realize, if I were like them I would never find the beauty of a blade, or the pleasure of its sharp kisses. I’d be blind to the world and that seems even scarier. This curse has become my salvation and I have become another one of the fallen. |
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