| my world always seemed to stop three feet from the edge of your sofa's green cushions. the ones littered with occasional cigarette ashes and patches of dog hair. not the small random hairs. i mean the mats...thick white globs left by your mutt. what was it's name? mindy? millie? mickey? something along those lines. it doesn't matter now. all that matters is that i miss you. from the color of your angered filled eyes to the various beer bottles that cluttered the rug. you were my first. to a girl, that first means a great deal. you taught me how to fuck. oh how i have improved now. you would be quite surprised. i've often thought about how it would be to show you. to feel you just one more time. but that is only a delusional fairytale. i'm not a child anymore. you also taught me that dreams mean nothing. my wants and cares are not significant. only you matter. well, there isn't a "you" anymore. only the person that claims to love me matters. men are supposed to have control. so goes the game. i'm so glad you took it upon yourself to educate my feeble mind. i never knew that women were supposed to worship their assumed counterparts. just look at how much better my life is now. instead of clinging to love, safety, and my dream of having a 3.5 kids and a dog...i scrape by the best i can. every spare coin is spent on drugs or drink to help me forget your face and your fists. and your child. he is a loud little devil. constantly screaming as if he needs something from me. at his young age, he is already trying to control me. i often wonder if the trait is inherited. we will shall soon find out. my cup of coffee is cold, my hands to numb to finish writing, and my mind too stuck on you to do anything but cry. besides, a customer is due over at any minute. everyone earns a living the way they know best and it seems to me my qualities in this field far exceed my logic for anything else. |
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