Bewildered, I flounder.
Ah! firm footing.
But wait. I'm wrong again. NOT AGAIN!
This false hope will prove my ruin.
I grow weary beyond weakness.
Do I simply not deserve the security of stability?
Of course not.
I have been eternally cursed with this
not-rightness.
It's all in my head, they tell me.
Yeah, that's what I'm terrified of.
If it's in there, it's inescapable--
I'm stuck
Of course.
What did I really expect in the long-run
besides a voluminous mass of more of
the same--compacted?
Nothing. Nothing more.
But this gnawing ache....
I cannot help but wish for relief.
Not expect.
Just wish.
Of course, this hopeless wishing is likely
what begins those dreaded,
all-too-frequent spirals...
Of course.
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