loosing touch with reality

stephie Joined: Oct 15, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-07-22 09:44:58
	i really don't know who i can talk to right now. My mam has been fantastic but noone truly seems to understand. I am becoming so paranoid about everything. When i leave the house i feel everyone is stairing at me and making comments. As though they can read my mind. I feel so self conscious. I start shaking and then really panick. I feel i cant socially interact with people without feeling like an idiot or for fear of saying something wrong. Does anyone else get this and how do you cope?? It feels like everyone is out to get me. And its really interfering with my life now. When i am talking to people its like im open to everything. I dont feel protected. There is no barrier to protect me. Nothing seems real. Even people seem like ghosts. Ive tried talkng to my CPN but she doesnt understand. I know what im saying sounds weird but its relly ruining my life.Please can anyone help!xxxx
warriv Joined: Jul 13, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-22 15:49:57
	it can only be schizotypal or paranoid personality disorder, try to read more about that and then explore your toughts
purplerain Joined: Jun 3, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-22 18:33:47
	I feel for you and know somewhat what you are going through go see a therapist.
Hip Joined: Aug 10, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-07-22 22:22:22
	yo stephie, I thought you left for good. D would be pleased to hear ya back.
Obsidian Joined: Jan 22, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-07-22 22:34:47
	Hehe, nice posting time Hip. :P
Hip Joined: Aug 10, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-07-22 22:45:57
	Hahaha... didnt even notice.
gibberish Joined: Jul 23, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-23 17:07:37
	I was the same way. I was always waiting for malice from others. I know how you feel. When I was in school I was quick to think the people around me were cruel and I reacted accordingly. My feelings would fluctuate at rapid rates because I would regain my sense of reality when I was alone. So I would always become aware of my irrational behavior after and it caused a great deal of frustration for me. I separated the person who interacted socially and the person who was rational. I felt powerless in my own body. The feelings of paranoia and anxiety were overwhelming. I was aware of it and because of my impatience and arrogance towards the situation I caused myself even more problems. It was difficult because of the resentment I felt. I was really stubborn when it came to acknowledging the problems as my own. I was stuck. I continued with that point of view until all my feelings became bitter and spiteful. I was unable to control my actions and the amount of rage I felt was…well it wasn’t a healthy amount. Let’s just say that it all eventually lead to a breakdown. It wasn’t something where I broke down in front of everyone and ranted on about their vile false intentions or anything. It was more of a private thing where all the emotions I had stewing became too much and I disassociated from them. You know after the blow up you kind of get your head on straight. Well I at least can say it was tethered. I’ve become better in social situations but it’s really something that requires a lot of effort. So it’s not weird because there are definitely others who share the same types of feelings. I hated that part of me but now I almost feel attached to it. During that time I felt unstable and undefined as a person. So when I was finally able to see myself I was happy. I might not exactly be in the norm personality wise but I no longer feel conflicted and unsure. I pushed myself to a breaking point. I justified my resentment to the point of insanity. But that’s beside the point. You aren’t the same person as me. You may suffer from the same types of feelings but that doesn’t put you in the same boat as me. I handled my problems in the only way that I could. Actually the way I deal with things isn’t an ideal choice. I pray that your feelings don’t progress into something completely overpowering of logic! Anyway I just thought I’d tell my story. It really was a selfish choice. I’ve wanted to talk about that point in my life for what seems like forever… So good luck and if I was to give advice I’d want to say something like even though these emotions are dictating your actions right now, it doesn’t mean that that’s. It’s your decision on how to handle things. Oh and sometimes when I’m plagued with paranoia I create a fictional story of my delusions. It helps me because I’m able to turn the things that cause so much irrationality into a made up story. So it’s like I now turned it into something that isn’t real and I know it. It works for me…although if you easily lose control of your thoughts it may be a better to not do that.
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