How do you know

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Thread Topic: How do you know

alisabashaw Joined: Jun 12, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-09 20:21:20
	When you are about to "lose it"? And I mean really really lose it. I "lost" it tonight. I thought about packing the kids up stealing a tank of gas (cause I am broke right now) dropping the kids off at my moms and just driving either till the cops got me or I needed another tank of gas. Just keep going and going and going until it was just me in the middle of nowhere with no one. And if the cops got me and threw me in the slammer I'd say GOOD!!! I DON'T CARE! And checking yourself into a mental hospital doesn't do anything. They have no therapists that talk to you and offer nothing in the way of assistance with your issues. All they do is have you meet with a psyciatrist that messes with your pills and says when you can go home. I think I'm just gonna load up on clonazapan and vicodin and ambien and just sleep long and hard.
purplerain Joined: Jun 3, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-09 20:40:06
	you can't steal gas, it's all pre-pay now that I know of. The slammer sucks I spent 45 days in jail, you will think otherwise when you get there. /but I wish you the best- purplerain
Rain Girl Joined: Jul 10, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-10 09:46:03
	I know what you mean, you just completely lose it and feel like running away forever. I have those thoughts too. It's really hard because everything that my grandmother says to offend me is like...wow, you say to yourself, just wait until you never find me again.
blackdog6 Joined: Jul 18, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-19 17:44:19
	Here in Australia, you can get away with stealing gas, and that's exactly my my bro did when he had his 1st psychotic episode. However, his attitude was "Everyone deserves to go on a holiday." Rather than, "Help, there's something wrong with me." He also took himself to the hospital with the pretense that he'd been raped/abducted (of course he hadn't, he's a 6ft 3 male), and naturally was admitted to the psych ward. They had to stick him with a needle to stop him thrashing about, because he truly believed they were going to kill him. The next day he climbed over the roof from the court yard, got into his car and started driving again. When he ran out of petrol the police got him and told him he had to go to Flynn, and he agreed, because he thought they were going on a trip to the town, not the ward. Long and short of, I don't think you've lost it, but be aware of your weakness. It's good that you're talking about it.
blackdog6 Joined: Jul 18, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-19 17:53:05
	Actually, yes. Just before the last episode he had he would get really drunk and just 'cruise' around town. Maybe it's the same kind of thing. Are you lonely? Be really careful, it's so good if you can recognize it yourself, then maybe you can prevent it. If there's anyone who knows you well, talk about it while you're still having rational thoughts.
blackdog6 Joined: Jul 18, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-19 18:25:10
	Actually, yes. Just before the last episode he had he would get really drunk and just 'cruise' around town. Maybe it's the same kind of thing. Are you lonely? Be really careful, it's so good if you can recognize it yourself, then maybe you can prevent it. If there's anyone who knows you well, talk about it while you're still having rational thoughts.
inspiredbyJ Joined: Jul 15, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-20 05:06:24
	i can't believe it. this memory had only just come back to me when i read ur story. it's like i'd locked it away so i couldn't find it, and now its really vivid. it'd only happened in january. i was only fourteen, i had no car, just my feet, i'm a girl and it was just about dark. but i didn't care if something happened to me. i just felt cornered and alone. so i ran. as far as i could. i ended up about 5km away and thoroughly lost- in my head as well as physically. it was about 10pm when an affrican guy found me under a tree. he led me home. i wiped my tears off and entered the house- no one ever noticed i was gone. no1 noticed the gash the brick wall had made on my arm, the blood. it made me want to run away all over again. so i just read the bible and slept. hiding from everyone who lived with me. wow. i can't believe i forgot that.
moonprayer Joined: Jul 28, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-07-20 14:06:03
	thats not something to forget indeed. I can somehow relate to this urge to run away. I have it a bit diffrent, like IF something really bad happens, or just something causes me so much pressure and I want to get away, I would do anything to go to Ireland or something. hitchhicking / driving, I dont care... I will get there. just be unknown to everyone, and have to talk to no-one...
alisabashaw Joined: Jun 12, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-20 17:16:09
	I know that there are alot of people out there that understand what I am talking about. You know what is sad?? You know when you hear about those people that murder their entire families and then themselves...not because of hate but because of despair?? I can completely understand where they are coming from. Not that it makes what they did any better but I can understand. You have no where to turn, you feel like a failure, and you don't want the ones you love to suffer because you failed to do what you were suppossed to. So you do the only thing that can make sure they don't have to suffer anymore because of your failures.
inspiredbyJ Joined: Jul 15, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-21 00:02:41
	what a depressing piece of understanding. so if one of ur family members was at that point where he'd kill u all, what would u do about it?
alisabashaw Joined: Jun 12, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-21 09:53:06
	at this point in my life and with the way i'm feeling...it would probably be me that would be the one at that point. But understand that I do recognized the issue with that statement. And I am working on it. And before anyone freaks out no I have not thought about it, planned it or anything. I was just saying I can understand getting to that point.
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