I just don't care.

Devoid Joined: Jun 30, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-30 08:51:32
	Guess I'll start with my stats: Schizoid: Very High Schizotypal: High Narcissistic: Moderate Everything else: Low I've reached a point in my life where I just can't bring myself to care. I don't want to put on a facade for anyone anymore. I dislike people in general. I have no desire to socialize beyond what my human nature requires. All I want is to find my place of happiness. I don't want emotional ties to people and things. Hell, I don't know what it is I want anymore. There are very few, if any, activities I still enjoy. That moderate rating for narcissistic arose from my gained wisdom. I feel like a sage even though I am at the age of 16. I see things differently from most people. The arrogance and naivety of my peers just reaffirms my isolation. I've experienced too much false hope and disappointment to play the "You know what I mean?" game with people. I've only met one person in my entire life who understands where I'm at right now. I'm very fortunate to have found such similar person, when statistically the odds are against me. Yes, I definitely have a heightened sense of self-importance, yet it is in-fact warranted after seeing what I have. I'm not saying my life has anymore value than yours. Which is a laughable thing to even bring up when in reality nothing has any value or meaning. It's just that in most cases if not all, intellectually I'm the one who contributes the most. I manage to find other people who I can converse with normally. It's either adults or a peer with the capacity for (logical) debate and understanding. I don't really care to continue talking about myself, so I'll just end it here. The only reason I even took the time to write all this is because the possibility of finding others who are similar or can relate to me is reassuring and has potential for intellectual discussion.
ulquiorra Joined: Aug 4, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-06-30 09:11:21
	well the only activity i enjoyed my whole life is gaiming and watching movies but later like when i was 17 i also enjoy suporting girls or only GF. but well its almost imposible for me to do that with my interests and look on life. so im just doing the same thing i alweys been doing. theres been times in my life where i felt like theres no meaning even a month just thinking about suecide but now im just fine doing the same stuff i alweys been doing i just had to find the pieces and the answer betwen choices of life wich was best an hindres etc. i guess where alitle alike. well i never liked playing game with ppl why not just skipp all the buls--- and enjoy the stuff eachother like to do together for all of time sortoff. talking about GF there:P and well for some reason i like writing on these forum somthime. maby just hoping someone just as me will see the world as i do it and like things i do. and hopefully a girl xD well i have to be alitle crazy atleast to live:P
greenlover Joined: Jun 5, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-30 09:58:47
	Devoid i feel for you. I have such a hard time talking to people or relating to them with anything. Over the past few years since about your age actually (i'm 19 now) I've learned alot about myself and the world around me. The human population wastes so much time on the day to day things we do. Like shopping or driving nice cars, or going to the movies. s--- like that. Going to work for one lol. In todays society we've lost ourselves to materialistic bull s--- and worrying what others think of us. No one knows their connection with nature anymore. Everyday all i can think about is how i want to leave society and become a hermit in the mountains somewhere. a place where i can actually experience true freedom, live off the land, and be at peace with myself. I've lost hope for mankind and the biggest shame is that mankind will never know it. so keep your spirits high. find what makes you happy whatever it may be and run with it. because at the end of the day all you have is yourself.
Devoid Joined: Jun 30, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-30 21:36:07
	That's so true greenlover. I agree with your on the mountain hermit path and I too think of it often. The one and only driving force in my life is my pursuit of happiness. It's what I live for. I have yet to determine where this happiness lies and I may never find it. But I know I would like to split off from society if possible. I don't necessarily want to be alone for the rest of my life, to have (a) companion(s) is desirable. We are social creatures after all, but if that were the case my emotional connections would be very weak. My views could be described as cross between nihilism and solipsism. ulquiorra, I know what you mean. Everyone seeks understanding one way or another. I too seek a partner, yes preferably female. Since love works in mysterious ways, chances are the person doesn't even have to understand me entirely. Well that's just another part of being human. I have no thoughts of suicide beyond playing with the idea. I would never kill myself under any circumstance intentionally. Suicide is an escape for the weak and innocent. Innocent in the sense that they don't know the full implication of what they are doing. Life's a b----, but I'd rather be alive than dead.
greenlover Joined: Jun 5, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-01 12:08:05
	i'm glad you can think of it that way
Uvirith Joined: Jul 6, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-06 04:09:23
	Not caring is often misunderstood. If I say that I do not care, it can be perceived as bragging, as if I am proudly claiming to be less vulnerable than others. Explaining it is all but impossible because it is partially true, that I am less vulnerable. The misunderstanding occurs when people seem to think I am always glad about it, or that it is somehow a decision on my part whether to care or not.
Klumzy Joined: Jun 19, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-06 12:22:27
	"Greenlover:Everyday all i can think about is how i want to leave society and become a hermit in the mountains somewhere. a place where i can actually experience true freedom, live off the land, and be at peace with myself." I'm the same way, I just want to get away from everything and live by myself where I don't have anything to hate or get annoyed by.
GGrass Joined: Jul 7, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-08 19:20:50
	You sure you're 16?
Devoid Joined: Jun 30, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-01 16:22:45
	I get that a lot.
1_schizo_grl Joined: Mar 15, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-09-01 17:25:40
	Just an opinion, but you don't need to leave society to find peace. Spend time alone, learning who you are and what you're about, and accepting yourself. :) Then, society becomes easier.
Kylar Joined: Aug 25, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-02 15:37:14
	I know exactly what you mean Devoid, I am the same (by the way GGrass I can somewhat vouch for him, I'm only 17). You just need to find something to provide a distraction. I myself find much solace in games and books, its a nice escape and games in particular let me exert more control on the world (albeit a made-up one). You just need to find something that you have a passion for and will let you remove that façade or at least make it feel more natural.
Kylar Joined: Aug 25, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-02 15:59:10
	Also, I agree with 1_schizo_grl, do what she suggested. Find some time alone, have a think about what you like and what you want and who you are. As said, you don't have to completely split yourself off from society, just find a spot on the sidelines, somewhere you can be yourself and people won't mind. I'm pretty much a computer nerd, so people don't bother me much unless they need my intellectual help, but I still have a few friends who aren't bothered by my eccentricities so I can half-remove the façade around them. My advice for now is to find a niche, find some company who are comfortable with you being (approximately) yourself, maybe dial it back a little, and that should keep you going. P.S. email me if you like Devoid, it'd be nice to talk to someone who thinks alike. [no emails]
Kylar Joined: Aug 25, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-02 16:02:11
	bugger, no emails. I suppose you could leave me a message on my DeviantArt page instead, you'll have to register though. My account name is dAkshEN3
Shiv Joined: Sep 4, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-04 00:55:14
	I have been saving money from last 6 months to buy a bike .... my Perfect plan to escape from my home , office , friends in short everything into the mountains (Leh and Ladhak ) , to spend some time in isolation and find my peace. And then I gave this test today Here are my stats : Paranoid: Very High Schizoid: High Schizotypal: Very High Antisocial: High more Borderline: Moderate Histrionic: Moderate Narcissistic: Very High Avoidant: Very High Dependent: Moderate Obsessive-Compulsive: High I did some research to find out , what it exactly means and I think that they think I am not NORMAL and I should believe them and Start working on it. Maybe they are right cause they see the world differently and if I was supposed to live my life alone I would have born in some Planet Z , In parallel universe and I would be the only spirit jerking around. But I am born here and this is my world. People are full of s--- , hypocrisy ....some wants to use you other wants to abuse you and you expect me to be kind to them . Ironically I have decided to make this my Mantra " I am gonna give the fight , cause I dont even know what I am fighting for " I know from the bottom of my heart that I love travelling and my dream is to just keep wandering around from one place to another ,I dont know what I am looking for but it gives me imense pleasure . So I am gonna do it , you call me a psycho or jerk , I dont blame you anymore , cause more I thnk abt these lost souls running behind money and sex the more it hurts me and I dont wanna take that pain anymore . You can't escape ,unless you find that perfect place where people are not crazy abt cars , discs , stupid mobiles , shoes . You have to find that perfect mountain where the sunrise and the sunset both looks the same , where you can feel the wind speaking in your ears the magical words of real Freedom.
onemarbleleft Joined: Sep 4, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-04 14:09:46
	Well, all of you are a lot younger than me, but I can say that the feelings and thoughts you are experiencing could stay with you through a lifetime. For many years, I participated in the shallow life that so many people do. Working, buying stuff and going through the motions of a typical life. I always thought that I was wasting time, there was another more satisfying way to live and that the typical life is pointless in every way. As a result, I've wandered from job to job, never gaining any real skills.And most importantly: never saving enough money to buy a place in the mountains and make sure that I am self sufficient and self reliant enough to stay there. My advice: learn to do something that will make you money while you're young. Put up with the horses--- and save for the day that you can go to your mountain retreat and stay there. Being self-sufficient means having the money to do it and the skills to survive away from neighborhoods and cities. Don't just wander around. Make it a purpose to be able to live the way you want in the future, by saving every dime you make. Since you don't like the toys that everyone else does, it should be easy to save. I think it's great that you know what you want while you're so young. Find a way to do it. Research areas that you might live in, cost of living there ect. Learn how to grow your own vegetables. Understand the four seasons in the mountains and the short summers. Be prepared on how to stay warm in the winter. How to travel in snowy conditions. Be very realistic of what it takes to live away from society. Read the story of Christopher McCandless and don't make the same mistakes he did.
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