Schizoid?

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Thread Topic: Schizoid?

Mira Joined: Jun 21, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-21 07:02:11
	OK, so that's going to be another what-is-wrong-with-me thread. I'm posting my question here because the results of my tests were very high for schizoid and schizotypal (and high for avoidant). I've read around the topic, but it's easy to get lost in the details and miss the larger picture when I'm looking at myself. I spend most of my spare time alone and need very small amounts of socialising. However, I am very wary of what I say and overanalyse everything I say (before and afterwards). It's weird how I don't like most people, don't have a good opinion about them, yet care a lot about what they think about me. Earlier, I just hated small talk and craved being able to have some deep discussions/a deep connection with somebody. And when I got anything close to it I felt like running away, because I felt my private space was invaded; my thoughts and beliefs were a very personal thing. After a few situations like this I understood that I simply don't want any connection with anybody. I'm not really indifferent to compliments and criticism. If a compliment is about something I care, from someone I appreciate and sounds realistic, I would like it and it would encourage me; even though my reaction would be kind of awkward, not knowing what to say/do. Based on the same criteria as compliments, criticism could discourage me, annoy me or I simply wouldn't care. Also, I seem to not really enjoy anything; some things are ok, better than other, but whatever I do my mood is just neutral (besides the moments I'm depressed). I would sometimes do/think about things that get me in a melancholic/sad/angry mood just because I need a break from this i-don't-feel-anything state. I can't say I love or care about anyone; yes, I feel bad if I upset/hurt somebody and on a lot of occasions I might try to help them but that's it. I didn't really care when my grandfather died and we were what one would call "close". Since I was a kid, I did things because I had to (even the "fun" ones, my parents pushed me into them because they were "fun"); still have a problem with motivation. OK, I wrote a lot already, so I'll stop here. Internet has a funny effect - there was no way I would tell all these things to someone in real life. So, any idea what I might be? Oh, and thanks for reading.
ireland Joined: May 1, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-06-21 16:45:32
	"Any idea what I might be?" Yes,I think you are just lacking your own sense of identity x
Cole82 Joined: Jun 21, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-21 17:32:40
	IT sounds alot like a schizoid personality to me. I was diagnosed 2 years ago and have never entirely agreed with it though.
SQ_Minion Joined: Feb 13, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-06-21 22:13:18
	Sounds like schizoid or schizoid-esque to me.
Mira Joined: Jun 21, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-22 14:12:13
	"Yes,I think you are just lacking your own sense of identity" Could you elaborate a little on this? I'm not sure I understood you well.
ireland Joined: May 1, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-06-23 09:00:34
	Mira- I didnt want to give you a diagnosis as im not qualified.I also didnt want to confirm your own opinion that you have something wrong with you. Your sense of "Identity" at the moment,seems to tell me that you are not self motivated,you lack self esteem and are not confident around other people,these are all the negatives of your personality. The positives are that you are self aware and capable of change and not reliant on people to confirm you,although its nice for the input sometimes. I am presuming you are under 25 and still reliant on family? x
Mira Joined: Jun 21, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-24 13:15:39
	Thank you for your opinion ireland. These are some points I have to take into account. And yes, your assumptions are right; I'm under 25 and in college, therefore reliant on my family.
moonprayer Joined: Jul 28, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-06-24 14:28:42
	I recognize a lot of what you say. and I must say, I have no self-image.. so at least schizoid-ish is kind of right. many things, many symptons are recognized, but in many occasions not as "bad" or "whole" as the real schizoid package. but many symptons a bit. it will slow you down in life...maybe make some pre-cautions before it;s too late. like, seeking some help, for lack of person-inside-feelings...
ireland Joined: May 1, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-06-24 14:35:33
	I agree,but also disagree on "lack of feeling". I thought the feeling for the grandfather that died was less than what was expected of her/him. She did not state what she felt personally. x
Mira Joined: Jun 21, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-27 03:43:02
	Well, regarding my grandfather, it was just a lack of feelings; I mean I just can't love or really care for anyone. I have some moments when I might feel sorry for someone, but that's it. I don't see what kind of help I should seek - those positive feelings simply are not there. I tried to act as if they were, or find reasons I should care but these are just cures for the symptoms (and I usually act as though I care for people, my family would be quite shocked to know what I really think/feel). I guess that's the only aspect I truly saw as a problem and made me look into personality disorders; preferring solitary activities and stuff like that is not a problem to me.
moonprayer Joined: Jul 28, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-06-27 17:09:18
	i dont know if there's is therapie or help available. I'm trying to get it, but they first tested me on everything, and I dont have a result yet. I also do kind of worry about how shocked my family will be if they found out I am crazy...well my mom and dad. why I try to hide it i'm not sure, because another part of me is completly diffrent like : "i cannot be bothered if others think im crazy" it's some kind of care... but I onfly feel that for 3 3 people in my whole life. for them I would want to be more normal, and I dont want to hurt them because I am supposivly a bit crazier than plain weird...
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