I just want people to leave me alone

MadFishBomb Joined: Jun 12, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-12 01:02:25
	Okay so, I'm pretty sure I have Schizoid personality disorder. I took the Personality disorder test and my schizoid score was about %89 (I took it three times over the course of the day and averaged it). As for social interactions, well, I have great difficulty holding conversations with people in real life, I get extremely uncomfortable and I stutter a lot. In fact I don't even like talking on the phone. Also I get very agitated when a parent or other relative approaches me to talk about even mundane things (Have you hung out the washing yet, etc.). Sometimes when they get upset over something I've said I get very confused, I have no idea what I said or I can't understand how it would be hurtful. Also I get irritated at my father especially when he does this; when I was growing up our positions would have been switched. I would get very upset about something and I'd cry, and he'd get angry at me for crying, which made me cry more, not from sadness but from fear as well. I think that's probably a contributor to my current state of mind.
purplerain Joined: Jun 3, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-06-12 01:49:01
	hello, how are you? Yes I think childhood does play a factor in the way we grow up. I think I have borderline personalities and I don't talk to anyone besides on here harldly. But I saw no one answered your thread and I am awake so I thought I would respond. Just no you are not alone and there is help. I have found this forum to be quite an outlet for some of my problems and fear I face. I hope it will help you as well. Well keep in touch and I hope all gets better for you Purple Rain
zorro Joined: Jun 1, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-12 04:41:00
	same here madfishbomb, i hate talking. i wish to be left alone. i feel my energy dissipates when i am forced to talk. each time i say 'hello, how are you?' to someone forcefully at job, inside my heart i will be like, why the hell i have to say that? why the hell people have to ask how are you to each other? of course the answer will be good. i mean, for me these are stupid questions, superficial, fake and not necessary. i hate to fake. i want to be myself. just keep quiet and do my job. i will worry when my collegues around, not because i have flaws in my job performance,i am as good as the others, but because i am expected to talk. and that is sickening.
MadFishBomb Joined: Jun 12, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-13 04:49:20
	Heh, thanks you guys. Zorro I feel the same thing as you do when I'm supposed to do chores, or even when I'm doing something I enjoy (e.g, painting), I CAN'T do it if someone is watching me. A while ago when I was doing the dishes my father decided to come in and lay on some praise (he's trying to reform his ways) and I felt like screaming at him to shut up, SHUT UP and LEAVE ME ALONE! He's trying to be a kinder man for me but I still want to be alone! I feel terrible for wanting to stay away from my friends and family so much, but I honestly don't want to be with them most of the time. I love them all but... I wish they'd go away! =( Heh, I have a job interview coming up this week and I am dreading it. I'm just hoping it doesn't go on for too long. Thanks, Purplerain and Zorro, for replying. =)
AggroD Joined: Jun 17, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-17 18:14:33
	Good luck on your interview. I feel the same way I wish I could live on a remote island or somewhere where I could have the least amount of contact with others. Though mines comes from my violent feelings towards everyone even though people called me angel(once even similar to jesus)I just feel like ripping them apart for my own enjoyment. Not because they annoy me but simply because I feel so good thinking about it. I don't want to see anyone hurt but at the same time I wanna eviscerate them. Quite the problem.
Byugg793 Joined: Jun 18, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-18 01:55:00
	I actually have similar feelings about people as AggroD, except for one difference. I only want to talk to people to bounce ideas off of and tell them of exciting stuff I've learned. You probably won't find this "exciting" but I LOVE math. Especially algebra. It's logical, to the point, and doesn't confuse ideas with emotional pulls. Same as you, I have feelings of destroying things, but a hand always pulls me away from it.
Byugg793 Joined: Jun 18, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-18 02:00:43
	I actually have similar feelings about people as AggroD, except for one difference. I only want to talk to people to bounce ideas off of and tell them of exciting stuff I've learned. You probably won't find this "exciting" but I LOVE math. Especially algebra. It's logical, to the point, and doesn't confuse ideas with emotional pulls. Same as you, I have feelings of destroying things, but a hand always pulls me away from it.
MadFishBomb Joined: Jun 12, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-24 06:29:40
	Wow you guys. It's nice to at least know that I'm not the only one here with homicidal thoughts. I've been thinking lately about murdering someone and then turning myself in. I mean... being surrounded by criminals who hate everyone else in the prison may not seem like any kind of sanctuary to a normal person, but... At least they won't try befriending me or anything like that.
MadMademoiselle Joined: Jun 26, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-26 04:50:40
	I have exactly the same..but i don't know the solution neither, my school's psychologist doesn't help at all >_> I guess you already heard ''When you're alone, you want people around you, and when you have people around you, you want to be alone'' ..Wish i could help you somehow :C
idkwhat Joined: Jun 26, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-26 11:37:14
	I always hate it when someone stares at my computer screen, and it makes it impossible for me to concentrate... I'm also extremely annoyed when someone asks if they can see my school work... I often avoid conversations, and I wish people would just stay away.... But at the very same time, I wish I could get along with them....
KIMSY Joined: Jun 26, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-26 15:38:28
	FINALLY A BUNCH OF PEEPS THAT FEEL THA SAME AS I DO!!:O) ALONE IS ALONE, WIV PEOPLE IN IT OR NOT RIGHT?? HAVIN TO PUT ON A SMILE(MA MASK)IS ONE OF MANY TALENTS!!! WHEN I ACTUALLY LOOK IN THA MIRROR ITS LIKE IM LOOKING AT A BRAIN CUS MY BODY IS JUST SEEMS APART OF A ZIP UP SUIT THAT IS JUST HERE TO B POKED AND PRODDED TO SUIT THA NEEDS OF THE WORLD!! I OFTEN THINK IM KRAZY AS TALK TO MA SELF BUT IT SOMETIMES THA BEST CONVOS I GET!! IF I EVER MEET SUM1 THAT DOESNT CALL ME WEIRD THEN IV FINALLY FOUND MA SOULMATE LOL I STAND MA GROUND I AM WHO I AM BUT THE WEIRD THING OF IT ALL IT ATTRACTS SOOOOO MUCH ATTENTION Y DONT PEOPLE JUST BUZZ OFF!!
KIMSY Joined: Jun 26, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-26 15:40:41
	SORRY QUESTION IS THERE SUCH THING AS SMILING DEPRESSION AS THIS WAS SOMTHING I WERE ALSO DIAGNOSED WITH??? YEP IT SURE DID PUT A SMILE ON MA FACE ONCE I HEARD THIS TOO!!
alisabashaw Joined: Jun 12, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-06-27 21:03:30
	Everyday I just wish I could be locked away in a room alone with nothing more than myself. I love being able to lock myself away with some books and just escape into them. I could spend hours and hours doing that and care about nothing else. Although sometimes I start to confuse the book with reality and occasionally forget that they aren't real. I enjoy quiet and peace and aloneness. I long for it. I love my family and I don't want them gone forever maybe just for a weekend????
Venom17 Joined: Jul 3, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-03 19:29:29
	I feel like every little thing about people bothers me the sounds they make when they chew the pointless conversations they hold with others and i would sit their and just imagine talking the sharpest thing next to me and jamming it into their necks and watching them bleed to death while others panic and swarm like little cockroaches around me and then I'd warp back into reality and anger would consume my body until i could not longer take it and I'd escape back into my room. I had a lock on my door for as long as i can remember and i have gotten in so many fights with my parents about it up to the point where my dad literally took my door away. I can't help it, i hate when people come into my room and try to hold conversations with me about nonsense and then call me cold and mean when really all i want is to be left alone.
Uvirith Joined: Jul 6, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-06 03:55:07
	I am not sure how to be really left alone. Even with a huge amount of money it would be difficult to arrange. Even with an isolated cabin in Montana, some dipwit or other would find a way to bother you. I have never understood this. The worst thing I want to do to anyone is leave them alone and not bother them at all, and this is apparently the worst crime imaginable. I don't know why that is. I don't go to the store in order to interact with people, but they seem to think I do. They want to hold doors for me, or talk to me, or wave me ahead of them in line, and I just want them to leave me alone. Apparently, they cannot do that. I find it helps to look like a muttering insane angry freak, and not shower much. Sounds horrid, but it sure does work. Also, I leave the house only when absolutely necessary, and I shop at 3 a.m. when I can. Even so, people still try to talk to me, and whatever they are saying, all can think is "blah blah is this over yet?"
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