How Wrong Is This?, Page 3

Thread Topic: How Wrong Is This?

erinro Joined: Nov 13, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-02-01 17:53:53
	obsidian, i like your mom. And I am jealous of men in some ways, although in other ways I'm glad I'm not a man (not because I think men suck, but because they have to negotiate some conflicts that we women don't, like being forced to choose their fists over their brains in order to be a "real man" etc) I am totally a radical feminist AND angry at men at the moment due to personal reasons and I also can see why a lot of feminists feel shafted and respond by resenting men. I think that we're in a really interesting time for gender relations right now; we (men and women) are both kind of pushing for space and it can be a dance or a fight at times, depending on how we approach it. I don't blame men or women ultimately I guess for being anxious about how much will be theirs when all is said and done, although being female I more readily identify with the female side. Interesting to talk with you guys and see your side, anyway. =) Speaking of space, today I was at the coffee shop doing work and got up for two seconds to take a s---, leaving my bagel and coffee and orange juice on my table. Come back and 4 dudes have taken my table. I was like, "What the hell?" and they were all "we can leave if you want," ... "If you want" being the operative words.. So I was like "that's pretty rude" and they repeated their offer to leave. But I did not in the end make them and they did not in the end leave; I just resented it and they looked sheepish and slightly annoyed and I went to sit at a crappy counter seat. Now what I really should have done was said yes, please leave, and not resented it. But I left. And I see my response and theirs in a gendered way. If I was a dude I would have asserted my right to the space. If they were women they would have left. Not in all cases, but that is my experience. You get on the bus for long distance trips, and if a dude sits beside you (and f---ing big dudes always sit beside me because I don't take up much space) he spreads out all over your space. If it's a woman, she stays on her side. Men in my opinion have more of a sense of entitlement to space than women, still. And you don't see it (I'm anticipating a bunch of denials because you don't realize you do it; that's the whole point)...
Obsidian Joined: Jan 22, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-02-01 18:11:17
	I don't consider myself being on any side, not the females nor the males. I'm trying to be rational and stand in the middle, tackling topics from all angles instead of just the egocentric one. And if I was at a coffee shop alone, I would take a counter seat from the start. Not take a table which is meant for more than one person. :P
erinro Joined: Nov 13, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-02-01 18:32:13
	I'm trying to stand in the middle as well, but part of being self-conscious about it is being aware of what perspective you are coming from IMO. I guess you wouldn't take up space on a bus either. Easy enough to say.
LethalAmbrosia Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-02-01 18:32:55
	Ermmm..over here,I have to sit at a table ,because if I got sit at the bar alone then the bartender will start flirting,then some others will come to flirt ecc,and the general impression would be that I came to pick up Besides ,at a table I can read the newspaper,I can lay everything around as I want(agenda/phone/cigs/lighter)so it's obvious for everyone that I'm there for espresso in the lunchbreak and not something else.
Obsidian Joined: Jan 22, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-02-01 18:36:23
	Yes, I'm the one saying everything comes from selfish reasons. :P I just observe things that way, it doesn't give a full picture. Hate sitting beside strangers too, especially when they touch me. Intrudes on my personal space. If I take a seat beside someone I have one leg on the seat and one outside of it. :P
Impulses Joined: Jan 7, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-02-01 21:28:41
	Okay I understand the consequences thats why I wanted to know what ppl thought. And I don't gossip about him like a stupid little girl I asked them what I asked you guys: What they thought of me liking him. Oh and does anyone know how me liking an older guy relates to that father figure thing? I don't have a bad relationship with my dad and he's not mean so yeah. I don't know how it would relate to that father figure thing.
Obsidian Joined: Jan 22, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-02-01 21:37:27
	You love your father too much, and because you can't be with him you try to find a substitute.
erinro Joined: Nov 13, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-02-01 21:46:53
	Interesting interpretation... This is my problem too - I love my dad, v. conflicted relationship with my mother..
Impulses Joined: Jan 7, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-02-01 21:53:02
	I feel wierd with what you said Obsidian, because I'm trying to see if that's what I'm doing, I'm trying to interpret my feelings I guess. My dad is with me though he works on weekdays, but my mom and dad and I spend Satudays and Sundays together.
Impulses Joined: Jan 7, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-02-01 21:53:45
	I kinda do fight with my mom though...sometimes
Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-02-01 21:56:30
	I'm just gonna play this card. At least you guys know your dad
erinro Joined: Nov 13, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-02-01 22:00:10
	Impulses I think this is kind of normal at your age, to have a crush on an authority figure... if you were ten years older it wouldn't be. >Okay I understand the consequences thats why I wanted to know what ppl thought. And I don't gossip about him like a stupid little girl I asked them what I asked you guys: What they thought of me liking him. It's still bad news for him, potentially. My boyfriend is a teacher and anything to do with a student's sexuality is extremely dangerous for the teacher. Say you say something to your friend who says something to someone else, and before you know it there's a broken telephone in which someone hears that he flirted with you. He could get in trouble.
Impulses Joined: Jan 7, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-02-01 22:20:37
	I don't want that to happen to him. So I have to stop liking him. I know it's not right for me to like him, but I do. I would'nt want to see him lose his job. If I really like him I should stay away from him then, right?
LethalAmbrosia Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-02-02 05:22:57
	The 'father figure' motive doesn't have anything to do with a girl wanting to screw her own daddy,it's not electra complex,it's just something that's imprinted in every woman's psychic.The male archetype that has to be strong,responsable,provider,and so on and so forth.
bigsis Joined: Jan 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-02-02 07:56:56
	Impulses: that's my opinion anyway. It's also not good for you, as much as it may seem to be.
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