This is my thread By Delirius, Page 3

Thread Topic: This is my thread By Delirius

Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-01-29 18:23:52
	It's ok.
disorderly Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-29 18:34:10
	hi! I'm an avoidant
Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-01-29 18:53:09
	GTFO
Obsidian Joined: Jan 22, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-01-29 19:44:45
	Haha, wtf? Hilarious or stupid I can't really tell. What was that disorderly?
erinro Joined: Nov 13, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-01-29 19:49:34
	I'm so nervous about my exam!!!! shivering
Obsidian Joined: Jan 22, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-01-29 19:55:43
	Why? :P If you care about how it goes you study, and if you study it's always close to impossible to fail a test.
Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-01-29 19:56:23
	No more in my thread move to a different one, I'm adding stuff.
Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-01-29 20:11:22
	So yesterday morning I woke up and it was pretty ealry for me 7am. And I just sat there, I couldn't fall asleep. So I sat there waiting for sleep to come and 15 minutes later I started crying. It just had to do with a lot of things but at the same time it was caused because of my not doing the dishes the night before and getting in trouble. So I'm there crying and it lasts for 2 hours and now I can't even remember why. Another thing, that's been bothering me is how I'm alone. But I'm not alone because there is nobody that cares for me or that there is nobody that loves me, I'm alone because of the opposite that I can't care for or love anybody else. That is the one thing that I have realized that I cannot have. Love. So I try, try to force myself to love people. My brother, my girlfriends, and people on here. I force the act on them, thinking that if I try then one time I might succeed. I watched an episode of Heroes that reminded me of this, one where Sylar gets locked in his own head, alone forever. It bothered me. If I could just live with contentment in the fact I can't feel for others I would be fine. I see why some psychopaths go after other people, they need something to distract them. They want what everybody else has. I've been having dreams again(I haven't dreamt since I was 14 when I used to interact with them), and it has been of sex. Everything to do with sex crammed into my dreams. Honestly it doesn't surprise me but I worry if I'm dreaming again will I start doing things during my sleep?
Hip Joined: Aug 10, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-01-29 20:37:21
	Delirius bud, to me you sound more than capable of giving and receiving love, you just seem to have some neurotic inhibitions from s--- from your past.
Scoutabout Joined: Jan 14, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-01-29 20:38:24
	Delirius - What is lacking in what you feel when you say you can't feel "love"? Is there a certain amount of joy you expect to feel? Or even contentment or satisfaction? When you do something for someone, trying to love, what is it that experience? Do you feel empty? Sad? Flat? I don't know if the experience of "love" is neccesarily the same from person to person. As a person with depression, for example, I don't feel joy a lot of the time, yet I know that I love the people around me. I do my best to make their lives better, happier - even if I am not feeling happy myself. To me that is being loving, without thinking about what I get in return - whether it be joy or a return of their love. It may be hard to understand, but I loved my son when he greatly mistreated me. I kept on loving him, even when I did not feel joy, or even much satisfaction. The point was - I loved him. I was very concerned for his well-being - it had nothing to do with what I would get back from him. Of course, there are those who love me, and my son I knew, down deep, did love me, although he acted completely opposite of that for a long time. Later he let me know that he did love me. But even if he never said that he loved me, I would keep loving him all the days of my life.
Obsidian Joined: Jan 22, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-01-29 20:47:16
	You cried? Haha crybaby! Just kidding. Seems like the façade of a tough exterior you put up didn't get you where you wanted. The more people realize that you actually are cold the more isolated you will get.
Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-01-29 20:59:44
	honestly Hip you could be right I only went to the counselor 4 time, I'm extremely confused still. Scoutabout- flat when I do things for people I do them because its right. I don't feel happiness from it. Obsidian- if you knew me you wouldn't say that, I don't put up a facade.
LethalAmbrosia Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-29 21:05:16
	You shouldn't force yourself to love anyone,if you get to really appreciate anyone,it's just as good.It's more than 'not giving a f---' .What is love,anyway but a cocktail of chemicals.If you a line of coke,a pill of x and add some opioid,you get love artificially.Yes,dopamine,endorphine,serotonin and ocitocine-this is LOVE .We're just slaves of our brains,we crack whenever some neurotransmitter falls below the normal level.Schopenhauer said 'Love is only the species' will for survival, the need to propagate de species and it's detrimental to illusions and passing joys the human feels ".
Obsidian Joined: Jan 22, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-01-29 21:07:35
	Then it's weird that you are craving for getting closer to people. And that you get minor breakdowns. The best way to be a functional citizen is to hide all of your disorders behind a mask. :P
Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-01-29 21:10:57
	I think the point was missed or unclear. Love to me is a concept that is like a connectivity to another person. Not movie love. And I love x(or did)
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