Would like some input please?

Annette Joined: Dec 19, '09 Status: New User	2009-12-19 01:51:46
	Hello there. Just hoping some of you could comment on whether you experience this type of stuff... In a Narcisism description it says peaople with NPD feel no empathy? I feel a lot of empathy, but I think it was learned because of having to "be there" for other people when a kid. I am a very selfish person, most of my motivations are about myself....yet I care about people and love people and genuinely want my loved ones to be happy. Just wondering...do any of you have this sort of double thing going on? You can see deep deep down that you are mainly out for self, but you also really do feel genuine emotion for other people. Sorry if this sounds confusing. But sometimes I do not know which is the real me...the self absorbed one...or the loving one. Thanx for any comments.
haart Joined: Oct 17, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-19 17:23:17
	yeh i got diagnosed with antisocial pd and no empathy is also a symptom, but i think i do connect with people sometimes. Hearing about other rape victims fills me with a sense of empathy. I'm also meant to be loveless, but i think i love my parents...
Annette Joined: Dec 19, '09 Status: New User	2009-12-19 19:11:48
	Thanx for your comment haart, it's interesting, but I think maybe people with these disorders do feel very deeply...but can switch it off? Like a defnse mechanism? I know I can switch feeling or connection with someone off, I learnt to do that at a very young age. But if I feel safe, I can feel massive amounts of love and empathy, sometimes a bit overwhelming. Oh and hello...nice to meet you. :)
Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-19 19:50:26
	I have empathy for people I guess, but its not very often. Surprisingly the people I care the least for are my family. I can only guess that the more I know about someone the less I care about them.
haart Joined: Oct 17, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-19 21:58:59
	Nice to meet you too
erinro Joined: Nov 13, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-19 22:21:13
	>But if I feel safe, I can feel massive amounts of love and empathy, sometimes a bit overwhelming. Hm that is interesting, I can also feel v deeply for someone if I feel safe but can turn it off in a second if I stop feeling that way.. And then turn it on again if my doubts/insecurities are proved groundless. Which is v confusing because sometimes I can't tell if I overwhelmingly love or hate the same person. Then other people I feel nothing at all for..
Hip Joined: Aug 10, '09 Status: Senior User	2009-12-19 22:37:05
	Bipolar.
elisafauzana Joined: Aug 27, '09 Status: Senior User	2009-12-19 23:14:07
	No, it's not bipolar. or maybe. but bpd does that too. can switch on and off feelings for the same person. i loved my husband. i idolized him a lot. i was doing anything i cud for him. then when he was away, my feelings for him shut down. of course with the confusion created by my mother. then after a lot things happen, i realised that i mean a lot to my husband. the insecurity replaced by security, love and care, so my feelings switch on again. now i am back to idolizing my husband. he way i was like before.. yeah the insecurity shuts off the feeling of love and security turns it on again...it happens..
elisafauzana Joined: Aug 27, '09 Status: Senior User	2009-12-19 23:18:31
	sorry, i was talking bout myself as being bpd. maybe other personality disorders have this swith on/off mode too. so maybe same goes to narissitic..
Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-19 23:21:18
	I doubt bipolar.
zildjian Joined: Dec 19, '09 Status: New User	2009-12-19 23:27:20
	^^"I have empathy for people I guess, but its not very often. Surprisingly the people I care the least for are my family. I can only guess that the more I know about someone the less I care about them. " - delirius I also have the same PD. why is it like that?
Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-19 23:33:21
	Its not a PD, it is that way for me because I focus on the bad things and I don't forgive people when they hurt me.
zildjian Joined: Dec 19, '09 Status: New User	2009-12-19 23:53:39
	Me too. they say, "loosen up your pride." It takes a thousand steps to forgive them. It's not that easy for me to forgive.
Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-19 23:57:42
	I just tell them they have to earn back my respect if they ask.
Annette Joined: Dec 19, '09 Status: New User	2009-12-20 16:18:16
	wow really interesting replies here. I am encouraged that I am not alone in this being cold/ being loving behaviour. As for finding it harder to be able to feel love for family, it has taken me years to learn to do this. I had to be able to accept them as flawed human beings. When they used to say stuff that hurt me...I had to be able to see their selfishness as part of them and who they were at the time. My family was and is very self absorbed....an example, if one of my Nephews or neices attempt suicide (seems yo be a pattern in my family) the rest of the family just gets angry with them and makes the whole issue about themselves somehow. No interest in why, no compassion, just judgement. It becomes pretty easy to "cut off" to people who criticise and judge. But I guess I wanted to love my family, so I looked at them honestly and decided to accept them with their selfisheness...I take after them lol I am selfish too. But I try more, to support people.
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