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disorderguy
Joined: May 5, '09
Status: Admin |
2009-06-08 20:27:29 |
| I wonder if anyone will share their experiences living with or working with a narcissist. What effect did it have on you? Did you have a strategy for dealing with this person? Were you unable to cope with him/her in your life? Don't be shy, tell us your story! | |
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Unanswered Thread: What to do?! posted by Jeanine 5 hours ago |
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lynnagar
Joined: Jun 14, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-14 13:06:37 |
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I lived with jo for about a year and I started to believe I was losing my mind. He would take things all the time and tell me how out of it I was, How he shouldn't have to put up with my bazaar behavior, my inability to pay attention, or be responsible with anything in my life. How dependent and totally dysfuntional I am. (Which is true, but not as extreme as he voiced). He would steal my money, my makeup, my clothes! And I truely thought I was going crazy, It was very unsettling to say the least, I started having anxiety attacks, and was becoming more and more disfunctional and co dependent. I had to constantly talk myselt down, so that he couldn't that infuriated me!! Like a dumby I told him all the stuff that was and still is wrong with me and he totally uses it to get to me. It was very hard not to slug him. I've never been so frustrated and angry in my life. I hate violence but I wanted very much to hit him, Hard! He said horrible things to me , like , "didn't you kill your first baby"? I just wanted to know more about what I am or was dealing with. I'm sure there will be another episode as sick as that sounds, I'm pretty sure I'm in the "battered wife sydrome" mode,,, again. I've been here before, a long time ago. Never thought I'd ever be here again. I better get some help. I'm also a horrible procrastinator. Thanks for feedback....signed , not wiser but older. |
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finallyout
Joined: Jun 17, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-17 09:37:20 |
| I was married to a narcissist for 4.5 years. I very nearly cracked up myself. Everything was my fault. Anytime I tried to express an opinion about anything it led to a fight. He carried on intense emotionally gripping relationships with other women throughout our entire marriage and told me I was jealous and overly sensitive when I told him it was inappropriate. He told me that what he needed mattered more than what I needed because he was less stable than me. He went through a series of jobs and alternately idealized and demonized me and my parenting skills. When I spoke of divorce he freaked out and begged me to stay. Then, when I finally left he said I was heartless to divorce him when I could just stay married and legally separate. He literally could not see that my feelings and needs mattered. It was the most difficult experience I have ever had and I was diagnosed with PTSD afterwards. If anyone you care about gets this diagnosis, I recommend running and hiding and lots of counseling for yourself. The narcissist will think there's nothing wrong with him, so don't live with the hope that anything will change. | |
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One_maple
Joined: Jun 17, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-17 20:10:06 |
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I'm not sure if my husband has this disorder so please let me know. We are in the process of divorcing. He came on real strong and always bought me things that he didn't have the money for. Whenever we argued and I wanted to take a walk or something to cool my head he was always worried that I was going to leave him or that I wanted a divorce. He accused me of cheating all the time. He threatend to kill himself couple times with a weapon in front of me. The first time he was sorry. The second time it was my fault. I never let it get to a third time. He did not like me to have any friends male or female and didn't give me any privacy. I had to argue about taking a shower by myself and he was even jealous of the dog when we first brought him home. He would play mind games with me and when I would cry he would tell me I was crazy. He would lie to our family and friends and exaggerate about relationships he's had and accomplishments. When I finally forced him to get help he acted the complete opposite. He would tell me he didn't care and it turned out he was the one cheating. He didn't want to work things out and tell me he was done and wanted a divorce but he wouldn't file the paperwork. He made up stories about me has slandered me to all of his friends, family and coworkers. What is going on? |
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southkid
Joined: Jun 18, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-18 06:53:34 |
| According to this test, I'm "high" in this area. That makes a lot of sense to me. Although I know other people are important, I can't stop talking about myself. When I talk to other people, I always find a way to bring the topic back to myself. My mom always asks them, "Was it a dialogue or a monologue? Did you ask them questions about them?" | |
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asdfghjkl
Joined: Jun 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-19 11:46:45 |
| This is a load of rubbish. | |
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issme
Joined: Jun 23, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-23 03:08:45 |
| So, I was just put in a catagory as having a personality disorder, what I want to know is why they call it a disorder. I don't feel it is, but more of a strength, confidence. Some Psy major thought he would right a thesis to obtain a Doctrite degree, so now Narccisism is a mental disorder. WELL, I am no Psy major, but I am a narccist, I guess, and I think it is a Personality strength. So I guess in a nutshell, Frankley Scarlett, I don't give a river dam. hehehe | |
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Ranne3
Joined: Jun 24, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-24 02:03:07 |
| I am new here and have just started looking at the very real possibility that my teenage son has a personality disorder. He has previously been diagnosed with developmental delay/intellectual disability, anxiety disorder and ODD. I'm not convinced of the intellectual disability although he has definite learning difficulties. the reason I think it is something else is the blatant lying, the stealing of others important things like birthday presents. He is able to identify weaknesses in people and will pray on them with an incredible ability to manipulate. He respects only older working males i.e pop and is becoming more blatant and arrogant with his aggression and is never sorry because it always someone elses fault. I am taking a deep breath and hanging on for the ride as we go through doctors and specialist appointments. How does this effect me? Very stressful never knowing what to do and never being able to trust him. When he isn't at school he is with me as can't trust him anywhere else and even though he's under constant supervision he still manages to hurt, lie and steal. I'm tired, he's 14! | |
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Knot Crazy
Joined: Jul 1, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-01 11:02:11 |
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I am simply a Narcissist. Reading everything others have posted sure looks like these people have far more psychological issues than just that. With me, I am the centre of my world. I don't steal or argue. I am passive and responsible. lynnagar ,finallyout , and One_maple are dealing with really damaged people. And Ranne3- I can empathize with you, but your son is more sociopathic (believing he is not accountable for his actions) than narcisstic. Hopefully he will become responsible. I have seen many people come out as adults perfectly fine from worse situations....and I found that this therapy thing can't replace love, trust and confidence. And for god's sake don't go through the behavior modification therapy. That does nothing but destroy one's self image. |
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One_maple
Joined: Jun 17, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-05 10:01:32 |
| Well, any advice? I'm not sure how to deal with this person anymore. I do have a restraining order in place for one year. We have a child together. How do I deal with this? | |
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seekfind
Joined: Jul 12, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-12 09:58:49 |
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One_maple, What you described is classic Borderline Personality Disorder. |
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Imnotcrazy
Joined: Jul 20, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-20 08:23:45 |
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Hey i just took this test and wow i got high in alot of areas lol im not surprised though because i am a very emotional and angry paranoid person! like me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months and i dont know how much longer we well last. i AM so jealous if my boyfriend even talks to a another girl on msn or facebook i get so angry and i dont even talk to him and i switch my whole attitude . I dont even want him to talk to anyone else i am very possesive. I dont even trust him he tells me everything and i always thimk hes cheating and lying to me . but i try ot to act so crazy but i cant it just come like if anything doesnt go m,y way i snap ad freak out . its bad for this rel;ationship because we fight all the time but every relationship i have ever had has bee this way and never last long at all . ands i cant change i have tried a million and one thin gs and nothing works :( |
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inmichigan2
Joined: Jul 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-27 05:19:34 |
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From what I'm reading here, I'm seeing my husband has something in common. Trying to bring women with him along into the relationship. "Just friends," he called them. When I met him, he was so narcissistic that he saw nothing wrong with charging his ex-wife over half the mortgage to live upstairs in his home. I knew he was bent then. There are men from my past that would take me in for free if I was in trouble; but I would turn to family first. Where was her family? I observed a co-dependent relationship between them. His phone was on her plan. He asked her for favors all the time (and she was sick enough to do them without anything in return.) He considered his discount off the mortgage being a good guy (?!?) So while using her, he elevated herself. Course she didn't have all the upstairs. She had a room. She had super low self-esteem which was evident in everything she did and said. I knew that he would kick her out for me. I knew he was head over heels in love with me. I knew that he wanted to move quickly. So he sent her packing off to her boyfriend's house. I tried to get used to them being friends, but eventually I put my foot down and she was out. His other female friends were just tools in his chest. He had no time or empathy when they contacted them with their issues (one had a brother dying, and my husband said, "I don't do cancer.") So I knew he really wasn't their friends. He'd say the most horrible, unflatteringly descriptive things about them. And he picked women with low-self esteem. So they'd call and text day and night to stroke his ego. He tried to use them to get me to change. Like his ex-wife. "She's twice the woman you'll ever be!" Well, I had zero -- literally, zero -- interest in being like her, so this statement almost made me laugh. Course he thought that. She behaved as a slave to him. He gave her nothing but baby talk in return. She worshipped the ground he walked on, and her had her nose far up his... Well, you get the picture. Wasn't interested. He was disappointed these tactics didn't work. I finally got fed up and said, "You can have a wife ... or you can female friends... but you can't have both." We saw a counselor for a couple of sessions. He helped a little bit (for one thing, my husband saw that I was his family, instead of the friends he never saw anymore -- not even in the year before I met him.) He saw how loyal I can be. But that could've been my undoing. I'm very loyal and tend to stick with the wrong guy too long. I'd like him to be the right guy, but there is no evidence here in my life that he is capable of empathy or genuine love. I know that much of my motives for marrying him were a) the hope that the passionate charming man I first met would reappear, b) I would have a good home to live in, c) I'd get health insurance. I wasn't 100% committed to being with such a selfish person. His true colors were showing before we got married -- we did get married fast. Within 3 months of meeting. It's my first marriage. I wanted to be married before I hit forty. He already knows much of what I'm typing. He knows that I have a "divorce file" -- a file with information regarding things that have happened while we are together. He knows I'm thinking of leaving. He knows my father would support me temporarily. He knows my motives weren't pure either. I could lie to this forum about it. It was certainly nice having someone so passionate about me -- and I did fall for the act at first, but it didn't last. He said he could only stay passionate for three months when he was with a woman, and by then he wanted someone else (thus the p---). Seemed like I had a choice between p--- or cheating at the time, but later I suspected he liked to use the threat of cheating more than the actual act. He suspects/knows -- as he did with his ex-wife -- that it will REALLY be over if/when he cheats. What Narcissistic supply do I give him? Well, before this discovery, I really did admire. I guess I still do. He has a lot of qualities I wanted for myself and never had -- at least not to the same degree. Financially, he does support me (though he tries to keep tight reins on my accessible funds). Since I'm going to college, I take care of the house, help him with his small business, and run most (often all) possible errands. He sands me to the gas station for stuff nearly every day. I feed him in three ways a) admiration, b) loyalty/consistant love (at least before; couple with tolerance of his emotional abuse), and c) by doing whatever he wants and letting him be the boss of me. I was arrogant and thought he couldn't mess with my self-esteem. But persistance cut-downs do eventaully exhaust your defenses. The walls you put up to protect your heart. I found myself doing puzzles instead of confronting him. Doing puzzles instead of expressing the rage I was feeling for his mistreatment of me. Letting my classes slidde because I was buying into his exaggerations. Then it's like the scales fell from my eyes. I don't know why. I woke up and said, "What the hell am I getting out of this relationship?" Financial support Health insurance Love? NO Emotional support? NO Self-esteem? NO Would I make it through college if I let him keep treating me this way? NO. Do I still even love him? I don't know the answer to that. I guess I could say yes -- in some ways. Is it worth the pain? I don't know yet. But I'm leaning toward no. Is there any hope for him? |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-28 11:06:31 |
| I think most narcissists dont know they've got the problem, they just think they're so beautiful and popular. I hate narcissists, most of the popular people at my high school seem to be narcissists. They think they're so good, they think everyone keeps a mini statue of them at home to prostrate and worship, and they dont give a s--- about hurting others because they're so superior and even if they do something wrong, all their other followers will defend them. | |
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inmichigan2
Joined: Jul 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-30 06:48:43 |
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fantasy, when my husband puts on his mask, I guess his false self, he acts just like that. But the truth is so far from it. He doesn't like that I point out the truth. When he is in a state of low self-esteem, he can see the truth. But it doesn't register for the long-term. He may not brag as much, but he still is very, very inconsiderate to everyone around him. Like we are his handmaidens. Our lives bore him. We are meant to be available to him 24/7. And the double-standards never cease. Like he wants me to earn a paycheck; but anytime I try to work, he's mad at me for not being available for his every whim. If I'm available for his every whim, he's mad at me for not working. I'm going to college because he wants me to; but he also hates me for studying instead of working. Round and round and round. I have to be home because of his business; yet I have to be at work too? Go to college, don't go to college; work, don't work; help with my business, don't help with my business. For me, it boils down to this: Since he will despise and belittle me for ANYTHING that I chose to do, I might as well pursue the goals I want to pursue. Yes, he is on attack and ready to make me fail (and he'll be right there ready to belittle me for failing, not even acknowledging the part he played in it.) Yes, I have to pursue the goals I want to do IN SPITE of hime, not with his support. (Though once in a really great while, he'll through an odd compliment to me; he doesn't like the fact that this puts a very confused look on my face, LOL! Because he imagines himself so perfect that he really truly believes he's an emotionally supportive husband (which he's not!) |
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