I NEED HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Thread Topic: I NEED HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sandranyc Joined: Jan 23, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-23 10:18:57
	I started a virtual relationship with one guy 4 months ago, since in the beginning I realized he has a narcissistic personality, he said things like"I am unique,I am bright,I am picky, I am master of my domain, you name it", it was his words,period!!I never realized he was shy at all, he sent hot emails etc.. He is handsome, 41 years old, he works as a director of tecnology in a famous University, he holds a PHD. I am 40 years old, I am a lawyer. Ok Last night we met each other for the first time,because I was vacationing abroad for 3 months we couldn't see each other before, and then finally we met each other last nigh, look what's happened. H e has my phone number, but emailed me to call him, I sent a message saying "if one man likes me he must do the "work", after 48 hours he sent me a message, he didnt call me, he wanted to see me and told me to say where and he will meet me there, I sent a message telling GO TO HELL. He came to pick me up after that,lol -He didn't get off the car to say Hy for me -In the restaurant I couldn't barelly hear his voice -He didn't look at my eyes when we were talking -he has a huge problem with his speech.When he ordered the food the waitress asked if he was ok because the way he ordered, like a bad speech problem, but it's like each 10 words he mess up with 4,lol When I told him he was shy he got mad. I asked why, he told me it's sound like a critic!!!...Why I was still hanging out with this guy??? hmmmm...I have a co dependent personaliT tho,lol.He kissed me at the end of the night,IT WAS PRETTY HOT,DAMN HOT!Last night he told me he wants to see me again, today he sent me a message saying he enjoyed the night. Is is possible for a narcissistic person to be that shy? Is this guy more than just narcissistic? If he is narcissisit like I think he was why he didn't say A WORD about him or asked me a SINGLE question, he spent the whole dinner just eating, and when looked at me it was for 5 seconds each time, I was the one keeping the conversation flowing,just when we left the restaurant he said I look pretty and he loved my clothes. He wasn't like the same guy I talked throught the internet for 4 months, in the internet he was outgoing, imponent, in person OUCH...what a hell is that? He likes me period,I could feel, but can someone explain his nasty behavior, should I go for a second date with someone like him?
Obsidian Joined: Jan 22, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-23 10:53:34
	There are all sorts of varieties in narcissistic personality disorder, so there's a chance of him being one. There might also be a chance that he is just a pig, and tries to play you. Even though you already seem to have taken a liking to him. I wouldn't go on a second date with him, if he is a narcissist he only uses to make himself look better. And simply taking advantage of you through the whole relationship. But if you are comfortable with that I don't see why not.
erinro Joined: Nov 13, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-01-23 11:14:45
	When people have wierd social behaviours like that, it usually means that there's something pretty wrong with their confidence.. he sounds like a weirdo. but then again, many of us here probably are.. i think it's quite possible to be a narcissist and avoidant as well. i don't know, it could just be first date jitters. the reason a lot of people converse on the internet is because they lack social skills, of course (the internet providing simplified social interaction), so it's not so surprising that he would be so different in person. interesting story..
moi Joined: Jan 31, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-31 19:34:17
	Your date sounds like he may be mild to moderate autistic...or have some other form of communication deficit, eg; emailing you instead of calling, not being able to look you in the eye, inability to make "small talk" etc...these are all symptoms of autism. Many people are on the autism continuum somewhere, and can simply come across as being eccentric, or odd. Very interesting though. How did he mess his speech up exactly?
jtb5796 Joined: Feb 28, '10 Status: New User	2010-02-28 10:17:49
	To me it sounds as if the person is also a stutterer.
avid reader Joined: Apr 25, '10 Status: New User	2010-04-25 20:20:02
	there are too many red flags here. Take a moment and read your own post. my advice would be to run fast away from this and do not meet people this way unless its on a dating sight where they have at least varified the identity of the person.
tyciol Joined: May 22, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-22 17:49:47
	Wow sand, you sound like you weren't the most pleasant with this guy. Face it: you sounded like a critic because you WERE criticizing him, just as you're doing here for us right now. If you observe someone's shy and want to discuss it with them, there are more polite ways to broach the subject than pointing it out on your first meeting in a public place. It's not wonder he got defensive! If you judge that he's not comfortable enough for you to enjoy a relationship with him then that's cool and all, but seriously, coming here to harp on him because he's touchy about his lack of social skills? Narcissism is a defense mechanism, yeah, but showing a lack of empathy or considerate politeness with others is bound to get a negative response. I think it would be good to analyze if how you interacted was ideal. Even from the get go, telling him he has to "work" to meet you, is a little offputtish and snooty. The later comment just compounded his perception of arrogant superiority.
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