Thread Topic: Welcome to the Narcissistic Forum
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-06 20:29:59 |
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Well hello again Miss M I think it is a good idea to try to get your mind away from him and the painfully thoughts aboud beeing abandomed. You might have told my though that this was why you didn`t reply, so I shouldn`t have to worry about you. But enough about that. I think it will be a good idea to start working on your own damage. (low self esteem, emotional wounds and so on) in order to prevent you from getting into another painfull relationship. This actually what NPD`s and psykopats are trained to spot (sometimed they are not even aware of this themselves.) About your ex and hatred towards woman it may very well be about his relation to his own mother who have created his hatred against women. (or it could be about his fathers relationship to his mother). About whether he has the decency to leave you, it may depent on whether there is anything for him in it which can supply his narcissistic needs. But fear of beein exposed or hurt can prevent him from nearing towards you. You see - the wrath against you and him abandoming you, he does in order to prevent him self from getting exposed and thereby hurt. So my friend - keep on reading and work with your own emotional damages. ( Jung has some very good theories to offer) Best wishes from Denmark. Why NPD find you. Play role for 9 years. Hate woman. meating another one. Decency to leave you alone |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago |
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-07 04:10:05 |
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Hello again MissM Please disregard the last 5 lines. (It was my disposition for what I would comment to you) |
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MissM
Joined: Aug 31, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-07 05:49:16 |
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hi gypzi, Yes i thought they may have been your notes! I apologise for going so quiet and causing you to worry. I'm very happy and grateful that someone cares. I notice in your notes you intended to comment on his previous 9 year relationship? His relationship with his mother.. at first he talked about her with great affection. She died of cancer 5 yrs ago, dying in his arms. As my mum did. We shared this very emotional event almost identically. However, weeks later he told me she 'was nuts for years' because of agoraphobia brought on by 15 years of leukaemia. He was very contemptuous and mocking. Which shocked me. He also said she went to convent school (as he knew i did too) and this also 'made her nuts'. To him, all women are mad. I guess him telling me in our final text conversation that i was 'still ok for a bird' is the highest compliment a mysogenist like him could give. I do think he is close to his sister tho. In his opinion, all of his friends wives and gf's are 'ars*holes'. Even his sister in law. His ex of 9 yrs he calls the same. There are issues that sit on my mind that include: his array of sex gadgets (that include a medical speculum i later found out) and a comment he made about being bi-curious. I am concerned i may have been involved with a sex addict, tho i don't want to admit it. I do need to work on me, u are right. But much of my unresolve is tied to his silence and i find myself in a constant guessing game. I have never shown him anger, only attempts to talk or reconcile in a v undemanding or judgemental way. But its like his reactions are all backwards - he gets angry and scornful where he should do the opposite. He also laughs at things that are just not funny. My own issues include my shame at being in abusive relationships while everyone else seems happy and settled. I'm not needy or clingy, in fact i'm the opposite. Maybe this is why he backed off slightly when we met in person? His contempt and scorn for me are entirely inappropriate. We were great friends, always laughing and talking and he loved how I 'didn't act or talk like a bird'. He abused my trust by telling me he was seeing no one else. I abused his by checking his phone. Touché. What do u think of my comment on possible sex addiction? It has always worried me and is partly why i checked his phone. |
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-07 09:25:28 |
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This time I wil type the pins. 9 years of relationship: Well when I was in a relationship, where I was the inferior, i was way to much in love with them and terified that he would leave me and they always ended up dooing so in fact. When I felt that I was the superior I kind of used them for as long as they vere usefull to me. (sorry to say).Sometimes I used them to lick my wounds after beeing abandomed by others. (This is typically for narcissists and borderliners) Perhaps his former relationship was the first kind, that I mentioned. He felt inferiour) I noticed by my self that people who i am really in love with, can do no wrong in my eyes and I find my self unable to react in a matching way. (unable to get angry at him, when I aught to and so on) His mother (nuts leuchemia, agorafobic): Well the story and his generaizations in general seams odd to me. Narcissits often have a tendensy of beeing theatrecal (sorry about my spelling, but I hope you getmy meaning anyway). Remember that he only presents the picture of the story as he wants you to se it. (and it can change moment by moment)I am not sure that I believe his story. But if it is true, it gives lots of reasen for him to get a disturbed mind as he obvious has. Having a mother beeing fysically and mentally ill. Twisted sexuality: Earlier I believed that people with an abnormal sexuality (twisted) was born that way, but now I turn more and more to the these that people who are damaged and twisted also get twisted sexually. I have come to that conclution having talked to several borderliners. (I think that lots of things go wrong fysically and mentally when a disorder is the issue. That is becaus of changed hormons). I dont think you have to be so shamefull about that thougt of having been in a relationship with a sexual addict. You didn`t know. Anyway I have read several places that narcissists have kind of twisted sexuallity. (unable to aknowledge the same experience as "not disturbed" people do. They can be pretty active, but in kind of shallow way. The sad truth is that it isn`t his faughlt that he is damaged by his childhood. Remember that. It isn`t his mothers faughlt eigther. It was the circumstances and lack of skill of motherhood. All this blaming serves no purpose. showing anger: I believe that you were in your good right to get furious at him, when you found out that he was cheating. I suspect that you were to much in love to let your self get angry with him which he deserved. (showes me that you are kind of damaged too. Am I right? Well you lookied at his phone, but you must have had some suspicion, which tells me that you are not quite naive, which I find healthy in some way. The fact that he laugs at malplaced places is very typically for narcissists. I have seen it described quite recently in an article on the net. (He is simply unably to match his reactions) He complements you when you dont talk like a bird. Well I rekognize it. One eats every complement one gets hungry as one am. I will end this letter by encouraging you to work on distract yourself from spinning your thoughts round and about him. I know it is hard but you got to practice. If not it will pass in time, but it take so long. Best wishes from Denmark |
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MissM
Joined: Aug 31, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-07 12:08:03 |
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gypzi hi again. He may have felt inferior. But he has learned v quicky to be charismatically arrogant and confident if this is the case. I first began speaking to him online when he was still living with his ex. Red flag? I didnt want a relationship then or anything sexual. He referred to her as his 'angry keeper'. Why was she angry i wonder? I was unaware at the time that they had 2 small children, one 4 and the other maybe just born. But he was already asking to meet me and engage me in cybersex and i told him to stop asking. I believe the other woman in his phone started seeing him when he was not single as he has known her longer than me. Only months later did i find out he was living alone and single again. He was reluctant to say why they split. I asked and her cheating was the reason. A year on and she has a new boyfriend, apparently the same one who 'split them up'. She must be physically superhuman to have an affair when she has 2 v small children at home, one only a tiny baby. Who would do that? This has never made me feel comfortable as an explanation. Anyway, regardless of this not being his fault, he knows right from wrong. Even tho neither of us were rushing to get into a serious relationship, it didn't give him the right to lie that i was the only woman in his life. I am sad for myself that i ignored some red flags. I am sad that someone else is getting to enjoy him as i did. And most of all, i am sad that i was worth no further thought or concern to him because i'm not a cold hearted b---- who made him feel inferior and 'need' me. I don't ever remember 'seeing' a vulnerable side to him. He was too self assured and carefree. I doubt he would ever feel hurt. His occupation (armed police/swat team) i originally took to signify a will to protect and defend. I don't think that now. I have had a narcissist bfriend before and just didnt see the similarities. Maybe this guy isnt a N? What do u think? I am hesitant to think psychopath. |
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-10 00:22:22 |
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Hi Miss M. I do agree that there has been several red flags. What strikes me the most is him wanting you on cybersex. Whether he is a sexfreak or not, it tells me that at that stage you had to face that it was kind of sexual relationship and then diside if that was what you wanted. You cannot expect it to be serious. I agree that the fact that he neets other women on the internet, talking about cybersex tells you to get away quickly. Well Psykopaths dont feal anything though some even take plasure in hurting other people. No I dont think he is a psycopath, but I do find him damaged,selfish and irrisponsebly. I think that you need to relate to his silence in that manner, that whether he breaks it or not, you dont want to be with such a guy, who cheats and lies. I know, that you are deeply involved, but I urge you to take the time end effort to forget him. You got to moove on in order to preserve your selfrespect. He is damaged and will only bring chaos into your life. He is not likely to come back to you and appologize and promize to be faithfull and keep it. He is no future, only chaos. I have taken som kognitive courses where we got some tools in order to distract the minds. It may sound rediculos, but f.ex try to distract yourself by counting all the blue things in the room. (and, so on) every time your mind wanders into painfull subjects. It can work. You gotta save your self and do what is nessesary. I know I am repeeting my self and I know that you have a very painfull journey ahead of you but the sooner you get started the sooner, youll reclaim your life. Been there too and believe me, it ia such a relief when the sorrow lifts off. Take care From Gypzi |
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kez
Joined: Sep 9, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-14 14:16:18 |
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HAhahaha - oh, gypzi gypzi gypzi. now i can see why you are just a junior user, and you may have alot of NPD yourself, by how arrogant and wrong you just were. Thankfully what you said on the 3rd of October about me is around 70% false. Probably higher when you compare me to other people instead of just my own high standards. Just for your info, I tried to go to social phobia group outing, but they kept freaking out at all the germs?People? at the cafes and helped me to realise i am actually very well sorted and very functional. I get along fine with the others at a couple of other support groups i go to at the anxiety disorder building, and I came here asking serious questions regarding a definite line that exists for all people that may relate to what i was saying. "very Fragile"? hell no. you were just being a bad communicator, that's why i was so offended by the first stuff you said. "Painful emotional wounds to deal with"? Uh- nah! pretty much all sorted in that regard hun, things are flying along in my world. I can't think of anyone in my life that would really affect me negatively if i ran into them - alive or dead. Disoriented about who i really am? no, i'm a fairly blokey chick with alot of skills who is thought of by peops around me as having heaps of commensense, maybe a bit too full on - histrionic under stress - but no really self aware. Quite funny and wise. People have often said to me that i seem serene and they are envious of my confidence. Possibly haven't spent as much time as i should have getting to the bottom of whatever personality issues i have, but that's because ive generally been so happy getting on with other priorities. and you are really putting me off reading Jung! Fragmented thoughts? i don't know what you mean by those. i am a really good debator on a few sites and this year won a small grade in real life for an intellectual competition, and for that have a trophy from the national organisation in front of me on my mantle right now. it says "Most Improved Performance - 2009 -"my name". i may have some kind of adhd though but i don't believe that diagnosis for me is going to help me, i just keep working on things that matter. You are really quite laughable in your critique of me, and i think you should be reined in on this site. you are capable of doing alot of harm. I believe we are only as good as our worst deeds, so even if you help 8 people and then mess up every ninth one you seriously need to be reined in. I also wonder whether you have had any children, because i think having kids knocks alot of the BS out of us, and enables to think more laterally and from more different perspectives at the same time. Good luck with your studies, i wonder how qualified you are. i will be sending in a complaint about you, probably not today as i have alot of great stuff to do and life is hawt. Go easy for god's sake, before you really mess someone up. Kez |
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-14 19:06:51 |
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To Kez. I am very sad to read your answer, but it made me reread my former answer to you and you may have a point about some of it. I have thought very carefully about whether I harm people by trying to advise them and therefore I am very carefull about what I write. But when I advise someone here at this forum, I alway make it very clear that I am no expert and only tell things from the best of my knowledge. But people may get bad off by my advice anyway, I give you that. But I see that you and I have got way off in our communikation. I am sorry if you find me arrogant. It is not my intention. Your answers to me was arrogant too and it hurt in some way. I may have misinterpreted your letter and this proves that I should be more carefull when I write to people. (repeat my self?). What I wrote to you was based on the impression of what I got from your letter. One must realize though that it is only a a small picture of the person that one gets. there is much more to it. And it is here I agree with you that one can go very wrong and make much damage to people so therefor I will stop giving people advice. I am sure that you are right that you are a very clever guy and I may also be very wrong about you beeing framented and so on, but I still recommend you to read Jungs theorys in order to get some answerrs to the questions, that you formerly posed. Feal free to complaint over me and have me kicked out of this forum. I joined this forum in order to get more knowledge on the subject and to try to contribute with what I know. I am sure there is much more to be said in this matter but this must be it. Best wishes from Denmark |
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-14 19:16:23 |
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To Miss M. It has been a while since you have joined this forum, but when you do I urge you to read the kommunikation I have with Kez. I do so in order to make you relate to whatever advice to you. I truely stand by what I have written to you, but I want you to reconsider any advice I might have given you since I was so badly critisized by Kez. If you read Kes`s statement you will find that he wants to give in a complaint over me. As I told him I will stop giving more advice as I dint want to harm people, but I would like to end our conversation in a proper way, so please wite to me. |
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MissM
Joined: Aug 31, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-15 16:31:13 |
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gypzi, hi I can see you are very hurt and offended by those things that were said, and understand why you feel this way. I am not sure what provoked such a reaction in this person. Your advice and support to me have been of tremendous help, and, as with even professional advice (which u always reminds us yours isn't) I can choose to heed your words or not. I would never berate you for them, or feel i had to 'defend' myself. Ridiculous. Please take heart. Don't be hurt and don't be discouraged. This is a forum which therefore means construcive personal views, opinions and experiences can be freely expressed by all. Subjective personal attacks are not for this arena. |
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-15 21:02:50 |
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Thank you for responding. At leat now I know I haven`t hurt you or given you any bad advice. It is not my intention to start any conflicts on this forum so lets end the matter here. Best wishes from Denmark. |
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MissM
Joined: Aug 31, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-21 05:58:58 |
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hi gypzi, I hope you're well and not disheartened by those comments? I have been doing some more reading on the advice of a therapist who is of the mind that my ex is beyond narcissism and possibly sociopathic. His super confidence, laid back and glib attitude with no show of remorse or guilt are all signs. Amongst other things. I still can't imagine you are really a N. You have so much self awareness and will to change and evolve. Hope u are well, write soon |
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-25 23:57:03 |
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Hello again. Of cource you are curious to find out whether you were dealing with a narcissist or even a psykopath (in order to understand why he acted like he actually did and so on), but I think it is better to work with your oun selfesteem and learn to love your self. There are different opinions about whether a narcissist is part paykopath though. I dont know what to think in that matter. What I am convinced about though is that there is a koherence between borderline and narcissistic wounds. You tell me that you cant believe that I am really a narcissist; well thank you very much - I take that as a compliment. I think, that it has something to do with the fact that I have become aware of the fact that I have this disturbense. I am very causious not to hurt anybody and my false self also has collapsed so to speak after having a major break down about 3 years ago and I am still strucling to recover. But when it stands very clear, that I am a narcissist, is when I am in a relationship. I then imediate regrediate emotionally to a child at about 2 years old and get major panic attacs and my mind separates from my emotions. I also turn to use some very primitive defensemechanisms and I eventually end up f---ing up the relationship. So unless I find some way to deal with this the prospects for me are not good in terms of relationships withe the uppersit sex. I hope you inderstand my explanation when given at so few lines. Best wishes |
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E_C
Joined: Oct 18, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-05 20:32:02 |
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It seems apparent from most literature that I've read concerning NPD, that shame is cited as the emotion that is most abhorrd by the narcissist; cerebral or otherwise. So im assuming that a true narcissist is motivated by shame, thusly he will don his 'false persona' to avoid feelings of inferiority and failure which is,to a narcissist, synonymous with shame. The emotional response that would be considered 'normal' in a healthy person as opposed to shame would be guilt?. Gypzi, as a mental health professional, and more pertinently as a self proclaimed narcissist; can you relate to this concept?. |
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 00:42:22 |
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Hello. At first I want to state that I am not a proffessional in mental health. I am simply a person who on my own has studied a lot of litterature about the subject because of my own mental problems. I am an educated social worker and of cource due to my education and worhexperience I have learned a lot about the subject. Besides that I have a lot of selfexperienc because I suffer from a great deal of emotional disorder. I dont know if you have read my interaction in this forum, but not everyone in this forum find my points of view usefull. I even untentionally offended a person here. But never the less I have some points of view that may be usefull to somebody. I find your questian very difficult, but also very interesting. I have not read about narcissists should be motivated by shame, but it seames to make sence though, but what i believe is behind it all is anxiety. (anxiety of beeing owerwhelmed by fealings of shame and of beeing exposed. Actually I think that anxiety is behind most psykological problems. I am not quite sure, but I think I know where youre getting at when you mention guilt as the normal response when confronted with fealings og inferiorty. I think that you want to find an explanation why narcissists dont feal guilt. Correct me if I am wrong in your responce. I dont mean that the normal reaction would be guilt though, but a normal person would be able to contain/endure fealings of inferiourty, which a narcissist cannot. In fact that is the main issue for people with emotional disorders that they have difficulties in enduring painfull fealings. (infeiriorty, failure, abandomness and so on). I would like to state my point of view about why narcissists dont feal guilt in some situations when that would be the normal thing to feal. (this I have read from a Swedish psykiatrist called Johan Cullberg). Due to the fact that a narcissist is divided in a true and false self, it depends of which of the selfs is available in the actual situation. The one self contains a huge amount of shame and guilt but in the other self, fealings of guilt does not exist. When fragments from one self is available to the person, the other is compleately shut down. Later when the narcissistic bubble bursts the person is able to actually see what he/she has caused, he/she may be overwhelmed with deep fealings og both shame and guilt and often go into a deep depression. If I dont have understood your question correctly plese tell me so. Gypzi |
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Unanswered Thread: OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago |
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