Welcome to the Narcissistic Forum

Gypzi Joined: Jul 3, '09 Status: New User	2009-08-30 22:08:19
	To Jayt. I do not quite agree with you. I believe that there are moments, when a narcissist are able to se clearly that something is wrong. Espesially at periods where the bubbles are bursted, if you get my mening. There is also the fact that there now are bigger attension and more knowledge to the disorder. I do se your point though and rekognice lots of situations from my self where i have been stuppheaded and unable to see, when it has been pointed out to me
Unanswered Thread:    VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago
MissM Joined: Aug 31, '09 Status: New User	2009-08-31 14:51:43
	I did the personality disorder test as best I could on behalf of a man I was recently seeing. I suspected all along he was a narcissist (having been in a previous relationship with one), and because I enjoyed his company so much I kind of brushed to one side the selfish and distant behaviour he would display frequently. I found out 2 months ago (by looking at his texts which I acknowledge is wrong) that he was seeing at least one other woman (I knew there was something up even though he told me he was seeing no one else). He denied the significance of it, said he was sorry for hurting me but assured me it was nothing, played it all down and said everything would be ok. Soon as I was out of sight, he gave me the silent treatment. Without being judgemental or emotional, I tried via text message to find the middle ground to resolve this as best we could. Replying by text, he called me names, said I was a bunny boiler, was hostile and cold... I felt sick and intimidated and he thought it was all very amusing. We haven't had contact in 8 weeks now as I have been afraid to say anything else in case it brought out more of the same in him. This is a man who can be funny, warm, affectionate. But also cold, distant, dismissive and mysoginistic at times. 'All women are mad', 'women are always trying to sap the sperm out of you'. He admits saying things he knows are inappropriate and he knows he shoudn't say them but he does anyway. I took these things he would say as meaningless, inappropriate bouts. He has left our situation unresolved, refusing to engage in an adult, rational conversation. All he could do was lash out and retreat, almost passive-aggressive, and then retreat altogether in silence. In fact, I ended up apologising 3 times to HIM which has refused to acknowledge just throw back in my face. My natural disposition is to resolve and reconcile. This has had an enormous effect on me and I would try talk to him if I felt safe enough that he wouldn't snap at me hurtfully or scorn me with silence. He once did something to me, sexually, that scared me a lot and he found it all very amusing. I panicked when I realised just what he had done and he didn't care, he thought it was funny. I can't go into detail on here. What I would also love to know is, why do I feel so tied to this man and so incapable of dismissing him even though I know level headedly that I should? Can anyone open the curtains for me on this and let some light in please?
Gypzi Joined: Jul 3, '09 Status: New User	2009-09-01 03:50:18
	I certanly will try to do so. What happened when you confronted him with the fact, that he was seeing other woman, was that he was exposed, which is the worst experionce for a narcissist. When fealing threadned of beeing reveiled (that he is fake)he naturally tries to escape by keeping away from you beeing cold and distant. The fact that he turns to blame and scold you is also a typical defense for a narcissist. Dont forget, that he has spend his whole life practissing this in previous relations. What concerns me even more is the fact, that you keep on clingin to him. (I bet if he stood at your doorstep tomorry and promissed to love you forever more, you would take him back. I bet, that you have a very low selfesteem besides suffering from severe anxiety of separation and when beeing dumped by any guy you fall in to a great depression (almost sorrow). Actually one can be damaged in different ways. Some turn everything inside and ends up blaming them selves - doubting themselves. Others acts out, projecting everything out on others as your previous boyfrind. It is not at all by accident, that you two spotted each other though. It is a natural pattern for people suffering for some kind of emotional disorder (borderliners, narcissists).Narcissists are trained to spot incequrity. Some may disagree with me, but I am pretty sure, that I am right. My best adwice to you is to forget this guy and if he shows up, then dont trust him for a minute. If you dont do so, he will end up messing up your brain. (When reading this, remember that I am danish and bear over with my language and spelling.)
MissM Joined: Aug 31, '09 Status: New User	2009-09-01 13:34:48
	Gypzi, thank you for that. I really understand what you are saying and completely agree. Today I have felt very down (feeling like I failed in some way) and tonight, until I came on here and read your post, I was just spiralling and feeling worse. Even was tempted to send him a text message but didn't a) because I'm scared he will be nasty and b) because if he ignored me it would feel like more of the same all over again. You are very right about my separation anxiety and self-esteem. No one in my circle of friends would ever guess I had this problem - I'm so solid and strong and quietly confident. But inside I feel alone and scared and meaningless. Before my latest narcissist, I spent 4 years in a long distance relationship with a malignant narcissist who was with another woman the entire time, he would make me sit through bouts of silent treatment that lasted days/weeks and he too - when I discovered his betrayal - retreated and disappeared, blaming me for not being clear on what I wanted! Then re-appeared weeks later out of the blue. Like an idiot, even though i knew it was wrong, I was glad he was back only his treatment of me was worse than before and accelerated. It took just a few weeks for me to realise and start to accept him for who he truly was. Unfortunately, my latest narcissist played the hurt and damaged victim so well. Feeling 'safe' with him, I eventually shared my story, briefly, of my previous relationshiop thinking we shared an experience in common. He told me his ex cheated on him all the way through their relationship. Without realising, I exposed my weakness to him thinking he would protect me not take advantage of me. It's almost nightmarish, the fact that this funny, warm and sincere man whose company I love so much could really be this sinister soul-less predator. I'm trying to forget him. I almost appreciate that he has stayed away and sometimes, just sometimes, try to tell myself he is doing me a favour because he knows he's bad news. Do you think I would benefit from some counselling? I had hypnotherapy a few weeks ago to help with the feelings of anxiety and abandonment, which have gladly subsided. But I'm scared that if he comes back (which I really don't think he will as he just seems to despise me so much) I would, as you say, welcome him with forgiving but careful open arms. Thank you for listening, I've been feeling so lost and confused. How can these people live with themselves?
Gypzi Joined: Jul 3, '09 Status: New User	2009-09-01 20:20:20
	Hallo again MisM. Unfortunately I have to go to work now but I will return this afternoon and answer you. Take care of yourself until then
Gypzi Joined: Jul 3, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-09-02 04:21:31
	Dam it. my long leng letter to you disappeared when I tried to edit the prewiew. Returning later. (I believe it was good what I wrote... dam!!!
MissM Joined: Aug 31, '09 Status: New User	2009-09-02 07:57:21
	dam! I look forward to more of your wise words
Hip Joined: Aug 10, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-09-02 08:20:07
	If I were you i'd select all my text and copy just in case something like that would happen. My browser crashed about 5 times in the past when I tried submitting a post and I was glad I had copied all the text I spent 15 minutes writing.
fantasy Joined: Jul 28, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-09-02 13:07:05
	When I'm writing something extraordinarily long, I usually write it in Notepad then copy/paste it in when I'm done :O
hopeful09 Joined: Sep 2, '09 Status: New User	2009-09-02 13:19:34
	hi im new here, im female and my partner is npd. i hope the forum will answer a lot of my questions but im not expecting mirracles!
fantasy Joined: Jul 28, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-09-02 13:21:34
	Hi hopeful09! We all try to help others here, don't know if you'll find answers or not but you will get a lot of positive support here. Welcome!
MissM Joined: Aug 31, '09 Status: New User	2009-09-02 23:18:53
	Hi Gypzi, hope you got your copy and paste thing sorted. Read you soon.
MissM Joined: Aug 31, '09 Status: New User	2009-09-04 14:12:49
	Hi everyone. I would love some advice and insight from people on here - if you have a look at my two posts, it may give you an idea of my situation. This is a good place to come. Thank you x
Gypzi Joined: Jul 3, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-09-04 22:28:18
	Hello again MissM and anyone else who migt be interested. Wise words... well I am not a proffessionel person, but I have done a lot of rescerche, trying to understand my self besides having the experience from a long life in pain (and not knowing, what was wrong with me until reasently). Whatever advise I may give to you consider, that it is just my upinion, but I believe that I am right about my understanding of thid kind of disorder. You ask if I think you might gain from councelling. Yes I think you should see a psykologist, but choos him/her very carefully or all your money will be thrown in the drain. I might add that I hope your walled is packed becaus I will Take a long time because there probable are no short cuts. You see, I believe that you and your former boyfriend in some way are dealing with a similar issue beeing scared in your primary relations as you are. (correct me if i`m wrong). The difference lies in your way of dealing with it. There may also be differences stage in which you have gained your emotional wounds. What also differs is your way of coping with your problems. Acting in, acting out, and defence mechanisms. In the end though, it is all about a genuine desire for beeing loved as the person that you are but having developed a very painfull anxiety for rejections and seperation. There is much more to it of course, but I believe that this is the main issue. I don` know your age, but if you are young I believe that there is hope for you.
MissM Joined: Aug 31, '09 Status: New User	2009-09-05 03:34:35
	Hi again Gypzi. I sometimes hesitated to call him my boyfriend - he tried to keep me at arms length, letting me in as and when he was ok with it. I do believe though, that we got closer and closer without him ever wishing it or seeing it coming. I'm 40 so maybe I'm beyond repair! He is 38. If he is acting out and I am acting in, both as defence mecahnisms, is there any way for us to resolve this? In your first hand knowledge and experience, what do you believe are his thoughts and feelings towards me? (bearing in mind that I did resort to checking his phone to see if he was seeing other people when he told me he wasn't - and maybe he cannot forgive me for this). You are right, I am very scared in my primary relationships. It is almost impossible for me to believe someone cares for me. Maybe he avoids being scared in his by having several at the same time, keeping each one distant from him. With him I thought it was finally different. And also we understood the pain of being betrayed for someone else (I had never met a man who had been hurt before); his mother died of cancer in exactly the same way mine did. It was for me, like finally finding a harbour from the storm. We never actually 'ended' it. He just stopped talking. One blast of contempt which he passed off as 'winding me up' and he was gone. My concern is that I have made the situation worse by playing his silent game with him. It doesn't feel natural to me.
Unanswered Thread:    OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago
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