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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-03 10:26:20 |
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Hello here I am. I am 54 years old anf female. I have finally accepted the fact, that besides suffering from an amotionel impulsive disorder, I also suffer from a narcissistic personallity disorder. I kive in Denmark so please bear over with me because of the bad spelling and with my bad english in generel. I find the deseese very painfull and therefor I have thousands of Quistions for advice. Anziety for seperation and week selfawarenes has made sure, that every chance of a relationchip has been destroyed during my life along with many other difficulties. So then let me pose thees questions. How do you deal with the anciety? How do you get rid of the false self? What do you do, when the real selv beneath the false self is developed no more than the self from a 2 year old little girl, who is terrified, that her mom will leave her? |
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Unanswered Thread: What to do?! posted by Jeanine 3 hours ago |
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BLAYZ1
Joined: Jul 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-05 04:57:55 |
| You don't get rid of the false self! I tried and almost went cockooo you can't take away the false self that's why the disorder is untreatable basically.. What you can do is sit down with a piece of paper and write your traits down.. Then modify your false self... For example I used to be a very heavy drinker and I also took drugs (to feel superior). Well now I am totally sober ( and feel superior from being more sober than others). So rather than killing your false self (and maybe really dying), it's just better to modify the false self to make it more acceptable to others. That's my take, anyway | |
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-10 00:24:13 |
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Thanks BLAZ1 fore tanking time to answer my questions. (Sorry not to answer until now, but my computer has been down) I am also very sorry to hear your opinion about the posibilitye of recovery as a narcissist. I am though reluctent not wanting to accept this. I want to figth on. I have spend many hours on internet searching for articles about the subject and has come to this: It is about the real self having stopped develloping at the age about two and hereafter a false selv has developed. This false self has developed to pretect you from the great pain of beeing left by your important others. Besides the whole constellation lies a very low selffealing. (-and I dont mean selfasteam). This low selffealing and anxiaty of seperation has made the defensemechanism of projective identification to emerge. This defensemekanisme is in my point of view the most dammed of them all, causing a creat many broken relations of as they do. (it so to speak makes the reason of the anxioty come true, if you get my meaning) So I thought that if i was able to dear to stand as this "naked" 2year old (without the false self and emotionally devellop from there... anyone else feel free to join the subject. (hope my language is understanable and not to bad spelled. Many regards from Denmark |
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pyscosexual
Joined: Jul 10, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-10 14:32:33 |
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van
Joined: Jul 20, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-20 12:28:10 |
| Due to various events in my life reaching a crushendo I am now aware that I am a narcissist and that EVERY aspect of my life has been driven by my heretofore deep seated pathology. I feel an overwhelming sense of LOSS. The perfect person I was doesn't exist and I am merely a neglected and unloved child who didn't get proper emotional nourisment to develop a self esteem. Talk about being f---ed. The narcissistic maryter in me feels very sorry for myslef. Bottom line - how do I change? I have three wonderful little children who deserve to love themselves - I would like to hear from any narcissist who has successfully or at least semi-successfully reprogrammed themselves. HELP | |
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newuser
Joined: Jul 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-25 21:19:43 |
| I think I am in love with a narcissist. My friends say he hates me and doesnt love me because of the way he treats me...He calls me lazy, not a good girlfriend, says I dont do enough for him. He wants me to get a job because he wont be with a woman that doesnt work. I am a great girlfriend, do everything for him and dont need a job as I have $ and am a full time stay at home mom. He freaks out over nothing, he will make me cry where I cant stop and for 2 hours last night he told me how terrible I am and for me to get it thru my mind he doesnt want me. I never say a word...then he says baby I love you I just want to get along. He gets angry he has to work (I have dated him 4 months, he has worked 3 weeks total) he wants me to do everything for him (clean his house, cook, laundry etc) and he doesnt do much for me. He thinks everything he does is the best and thinks I should agree with everything he says. He has 13 out of 15 signs I read about being a narcissist. I want to leave him but dont know why I cant. Oh ya, the kicker, I am pregnant. | |
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schrist
Joined: Jul 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-25 23:20:00 |
| I am married to a narccisist. He is extrememly manipulative and everything he does is intended for public image. Privately he is a completely different person. I want to leave but it would be such a struggle to fight him for the children that I stay and just watch for the warning signs of his behavior. The only thing that I have found that modifies his behavior is to withdraw completely. We go about our lives and act like he is not even in the house, the children are so used to his "moods" they tend to do the same thing. | |
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schrist
Joined: Jul 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-25 23:26:29 |
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newuser: Get out before the child is born. After it will only get worse. He will be so jealous of your attention to the child then he will compensate by monopolizing the child until he has the child wrapped around his finger, then when the child gets older and questions things, he becomes resentful and sullen to the child. If I would have seen his behavior before I would have never married or stayed with him. But he was able to maintain the euphoria of the "honeymoon" phase of our courtship for quite a long time. Then made excuses for his distant and sullen behavior. Get out, it is emotionally draining and extremely stressful to try to maintain a relationship with a narcissist. |
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inmichigan2
Joined: Jul 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-27 04:37:15 |
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My husband may be a narcissist. When I took the test on his behalf the first time, I took it answering the way I felt he would answer (including the lies, distortions and denials), and it came out very high BPD. But as I read info on BPD, it overlapped with info on Narcissism, and his daily behavior seemed to fit in with Narcissism better than BPD. So I retook the test being compeletely honest (from an outsiders view point I guess), and it came up Very High paranoid (he recently told me he thinks his best friend is going to start stealing from him; this is his last good friend left,) H schizoid, H Schizotypal, H antisocial (he doesn't want us to have any friends -- especially me -- and limits family contact to next to nothing. He only wants to be with me, and even resents the presence of my young child), Moderate borderline, Moderate Histrionic, VH Narcissistic (no surprise here; even last night while I was writing a 20 page paper, he was blasting the tv, tuning his acoustic guitar, and when I finally broke, he blasted his electric guitar), H Avoidant, Low Dependent (except for the tasks I do for him, he doesn't need me), H Obsessive-Compulsive (he goes through his records -- then he goes through his records -- then he goes through his cds -- then he goes through his dvds -- and back again.) I share a lot of things in common with the first poster. He complains about me constantly. Puts me down. Says things about my attitudes toward working and life that aren't true. Places me beneath him in ALL things, almost no exceptions, ever. His idea of giving a gift that is meaningful is buying a candy bar for me while he's buying cigarettes. Or when he's really feeling generous (no, when he wants something and he believes he can manipulate me better if he gives me a gift -- because I haven't been as door-matty lately -- he'll tell me to go into his bank account and get money for this or that. Then I have to go to the store and buy it myself. He never buys gifts or cards for me that take actual effort. Because it's not about me. It's about what he wants. I'm the core reason anything goes wrong. If a business closes early, it's my fault. If the weather is bad, it's my fault. If I'm five minutes late because I got lost, it's my fault. Let's see -- he said something really outrageous last night. That he told me months ago to put the laptop in the bedroom instead of the living room. Well, after moving it there a dozen times and finding he'd moved it right back to the living room, it was clear (to me) that the living room is it's home. But, no, it's my fault he won't leave the computer in the bedroom. (Used to have a lot to do with his jacking off, but now he knows I'm watching his p--- use.) Even for sex, he far preferred masturbation for a long times. I was okay with a little p--- for the first year or so, but then I got disgusted when he was just using me to finish off (thus, in his sick mind, fulfilling his husbandly duty.) Sex is all about manipulation for him. I cannot even think of him during sex or get nauseous. He made it this way. He finally got afraid I might cheat (and more likely turn him in for kiddy p---) if he didn't start giving sex to me the right way. When I'm well-behaved (do everything he asks right away and without question; don't defend myself,) I get lots of sex. When I'm "bad", aka, have obligations other than him like college finals or caring for my child or attending an event (where I have to work), he's cold and withholding. He picks fights over nothing. He also has very rigid rules about sex. He does the very same thing the first poster said. I suggest something to him, like I could go rent movies for him later, and he's in a mood. He's stone cold. He doesn't acknowledge me. Then later, he's in a rage, "I thought you said you were going to such and such! You said you were going! I'm so sick of you saying your going to do something -- then not doing it!" For a while, I'm cautious and don't dare make any suggestions that could be twisted into promises never made. But then we're getting along good, and I do it again, and he rages again. He's also super-manipulative about somethings. Won't just ask. It's not, "Honey, could you go to the store and get me?" It's, "Honey, aren't you hungry? Don't you want some xyz?" "No, I'm not hungry." Then 30 minutes later. "Honey, aren't you hungry? If your hungry, I'll pay for you to get something to eat." "No, I'm just not hungry." Finally, "Honey, ..." I look at him and ask, "Do you want me to go down to the store and get you something?" "Yes..." followed by his list. And this is how it goes when he's in a GOOD mood. He has no empathy for pain. When my mom had an accident and broke some bones, he wouldn't let us go visit her. And after a phone call where I must have looked like I was in shock, he saw me on the phone (causes instant suspicion and jealousy) and made a jack-off move in my face (which he knows I particularly hate -- and to that point had never done it in my direction.) I fell apart crying, more because I couldn't visit my mom than because of his dehumanizing behavior (which I'm used to). I was crying on the porch where no one could see me, and he came out in a rage because he thought our neighbors could see. I was so mad, I confronted him. Asked when he was ever going to comfort me, ever going to be there for mre, ever going to ask me why I'm crying instead of making it about him. As per usual, he walked away ignoring me. It took a long time to come back from that one. If he truly is a narcissist, I read yesterday that I'm more likely to get love out of a televisions set than out of him. I think this is true. |
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inmichigan2
Joined: Jul 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-27 04:42:49 |
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Newuser, I must warn you, it would be no different at all if you got a job. Then he would say, you don't earn enough, you're a loser. And you aren't taking care of your kids anymore, you're letting daycare raise them. It won't matter what you do. If it isn't showering him with attention and admiration, it's going to be wrong. |
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-16 10:09:25 |
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About defensemechanism, projective identification. I am aware, that this is one oft the most nasty kinds og defense mechanisms ararched to NPD. Is there anybody who can contrubu to entlighten things about this. (experiences, facts and more), please feel fre to join this conversation. |
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michelle
Joined: Aug 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-25 10:41:51 |
| please all of you look on | |
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michelle
Joined: Aug 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-25 10:43:46 |
| Please will all of you look on kim and steve coopers website Narcissism cured it is excellent, i have got the books and they are great, there is so much help and kim is so marvellous, it tells two sides of the story, i cant stress enough how good it is so please take a look. m x | |
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Jayt
Joined: Aug 30, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-30 02:48:28 |
| Narcman if you recognise from reading narcisstic symptoms that you have some of them, then I dont think you are narcisstic. True narcissists dont recognise it in themselves even though its pointed out to them | |
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Gypzi
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-30 21:59:48 |
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To Michelle. Thank you for tis. I believe that this is what I have been looking for. |
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