One step forward two steps back

ovafear Joined: Nov 29, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-10-12 03:04:11
	Ok, i thought everything was going well, and boom! i feel like im right back where i started. I have headaches that shoot across my head, my skin is itching and tingling like crazy and im constantly worried about cancer. CONSTANTLY! It is starting to freak me out with no really reason. How the hell do we live this way? Im too scared to see my GP incase he gives me the news i dont want to hear. Both friends and family have no idea about this, i have kept quiet for so long and i thought everything was going really well, i think im really stressed out and freaking as my study is almost finished and im off to the real world soon, but im just not sure. My best friends mum has jsut found out she has breast cancer, she finds out soon whether its 'good' or 'bad', and im crapping bricks! Its my worst nightmare coming true. I have vivid dreams of freaky stuff happening and some nights im scared to fall asleep, i go to sleep and wake myself back up after 5 minutes with my heart pounding in my chest, shaking and almost sweating. This pattern goes on for about 30mins before i drop off to real sleep. And its because i go to bed, my mind is racing about my health and i panic that im not going to wake up. Im 26 for F sake. I have been ignoring and handling this but i feel like im going to explode. It just feels like every week i have a new complaint of some sort, like chest pains, headaches, itching neck, sore legs and arms, god the list just goes on and on. Im always poking and checking my skin for changes, i think i find stuff all the time but i know ive been doing it for so long its most likely in my head. My brain is telling me "yep its sore, what could it be?" Im so scared of all the 'what ifs' and the worest of all 'what would happen to my family if i go'. Maybe thats what im affraid of, dying and leaving my babies behind with no mother. I just dont know. And now im just rambling like a mad person. What id really like is to wake up one morning and not worry about my health and feel normal and not full of anxiety anymore. Thanks for reading my mental person burst of mnadness
1_schizo_grl Joined: Mar 15, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-10-12 08:40:51
	Just an opinion, but the best way to conquer fear, is to face it. Schedule an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical. You could be stressing about absolutely, nothing. Also, others' medical issues won't neccesarily become yours. For instance, both my parents had cancer, but I do not. :)
ovafear Joined: Nov 29, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-10-13 00:49:16
	you just made perfect sense- thanks :o)
1_schizo_grl Joined: Mar 15, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-10-14 13:13:16
	Good luck !
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