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kaiatbh
Joined: Aug 2, '10
Status: New User |
2010-08-02 20:23:42 |
| I'm 17. I have been hypochondria free for a year. It all started last May, when I was watching House. Well, to be honest, it may have started before that. I read that people with hypochondria may suspect that they have something seriously wrong with them, but instead of freaking out, they suppress it. I think I may have done that. You see, when the freak-outs finally started, I don't think I was being completely irrational. I had started my period when I was 13, and then stopped a year later and hadn't had one for 2 years (just had my first one 2 months ago). We were in the process of figuring out what was wrong with me, which I now know is PCOS (google it). For the 2 years that I wasn't getting my period, I would get a lot of pelvic pain, and then I developed dark spots on my chest... it freaked me out, of course, but I tried to pretend it wasn't happening. I didn't tell anyone. And then when I started getting all the tests done, I kind of blew up. It started very slowly, though. First, I was watching House and I noticed that the patient had a similar rash to the one on my leg, and he was diagnosed with lyme disease. That was it... I had it. I knew I had it. I wasn't freaking out about it. I wasn't expecting to die. But little did I know, this was the beginning of something terrible. While I was waiting for the lyme disease results to come back, an onslaught of diseases were attacking my body. First, I was sure I had ovarion cancer. I was bawling my eyes out through the entire ultrasound. Turns out they found nothing, not even a cyst, which is strange considering I have PCOS. Then I thought I had lymphoma. I had a swollen lymph node on the back of my neck. I was so, so, soooo sure I was dying. I actually had to leave school in the middle of the day, bawling my eyes out, to see the doctor. I was sitting in math class on the verge of tears and knew I couldn't make it the rest of the day. I was sitting in the waiting room with my mother.... I was hyperventilating and she was...reading a magazine? I couldn't figure out why she wasn't upset. Then I started to feel guilty for being sick, because I knew my mother didn't believe me and she was going to have a meltdown when she found out the bad news. My doctor felt the swollen lymph node and told me it was nothing. It can be caused by something as simple as dandruff. A week later, it was gone. Then I was sure I had lung cancer or a heart problem... or both. I began to have shortness of breath (caused by the anxiety)... so of course I was monitoring my breathing 24/7, and taking my pulse every 10 minutes. Then I began having heart palpitations... again, caused by anxiety. This didn't help the matter. I got an ekg... my heart is fine. So because my heart was fine, I moved on to lung cancer. At this point, I started to cough a lot. Constantly, actually. It seriously HAD to be some kind of sick joke. The coughing was caused by post nasal drip, but it could not have come at a worse time. Shortness of breath, coughing, dark spots on my chest (mentioned them earlier, now know they were caused by excess... something or other in my body)... I was a wreck. My doctor sent me for a chest xray, even though she knew I didn't need it. I didn't have lung cancer. After all of this, I was able to go back to living a normal life, but I had to hide my anxiety. I knew my mom would be upset if she knew that I was questioning the doctor. I kept going back and forth in my head... could the doctor be wrong? Of course she could... doctors miss cancer all the time. But what do I know?! SHE'S the doctor! The hypochondria eventually subsided. But I am still weird about things.... like, I can't watch The Doctors. And I have to be cautious while watching House. I always have to plug my ears and close my eyes when I see a commercial on TV about some kind of disease. But THANK EVERYTHING the hypochondria hasn't come back. It was horrible. It was MISERABLE. No one will EVER understand what I went through, except you guys. I couldn't function. I couldn't enjoy anything because I was so preoccupied with dying. I would wake up in the morning, and it was the first thing I thought about. I couldn't leave my mother's side, because being alone with my thoughts made it worse. It was pure torture. People would get mad and annoyed with me.... but they don't understand how hard I tried to make it go away. They don't understand how your own mind can cause you so much pain and torture. I don't wish it on anybody. And now, I live in fear. Was this one of many future episodes? Am I bound to go through this torture again? I desperately hope that the one bout of hypochondria last year was transient, but being prone to anxiety all my life, I can really only hope. Has anyone had one bout of hypochondria that subsided and didn't bother them for years, only to creep back like a thief in the night? | |
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WhiteDragonPro
Joined: Aug 3, '10
Status: New User |
2010-08-03 02:57:32 |
| First I just want to say sorry you had to go through that, it's sounds horrible. I hope not to offend you in any way. just wondering so you have no control of your thoughts when you were like that? I really want to tell you to you should just not worry about having anything and just live life but that I'm guessing that wouldn't really help... also it's horrible people were mad at you, it's not your fault. I tried to look up if it could come back but couldn't find anything, sorry. It's probably just as likely as getting it in the first place, though. but if you ever get it again you should seek counseling or something to help you. hope you do well from now on. :] | |
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ovafear
Joined: Nov 29, '09
Status: Junior User |
2010-08-03 03:04:38 |
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hi there, reading your story sounds just like myself. I went through a real bad stage not so long ago and like yo I was always at the doctors getting tests done and xrays. |
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ovafear
Joined: Nov 29, '09
Status: Junior User |
2010-08-03 03:15:18 |
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Always coming back fine and dandy! Anxiety, i believe it all comes down to anxiety. It took me along time to realise that it takes over if you let- im still battling but i can go weeks without a total freak out. I cant watch House at all, or any other medical show on TV, or things like 60 minutes or 20/20 (current affair shows) just incase they mention the 'C' word. I understand what your going through and it sucks. I keep a diary- (i also keep it well hidden and no one knows- i dont need anyone else thinking im nuts) just jot down things that are freaking me out or on my mind that shouldnt be, it helps. I hope things get better for you, someone is always here to listen :o) |
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