In tears daily because of "sickness" i need some support

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Thread Topic: In tears daily because of "sickness" i need some support

nofxroxx Joined: Apr 7, '10 Status: New User	2010-04-07 02:27:32
	I have been overly aware of every little symptom in my body for years. I think this is because i have a history of becoming sick a lot...for no reason. My freshmen year in college i got strep then mono accompanied by an abscess in my throat, then i got a double ear infection, and infection in my finger and chronic abscesses in my armpit. Which is called "Hidradenitis suppurativa" i was tested for HIV 3 times in that year and it was negative. So I'm prone to sickness for some reason. Although this anxiety about sickness has been getting more severe within the last year. Back in September 2009, i was being stupid and slept with some people with no protection. I was really suspicious of one person in particular because of his sexual history and because he is a drug user. I slept with him 6 months prior to September. I started doing research on the internet before, during and after work about HIV/AIDS. I read and researched every little symptom and thought "omg, i have body aches i have hiv!" I was pretty much in tears every night because i was so scared about having hiv. Soon my symptoms became worse. I was making myself sick by worrying and constantly researching "early HIV symptoms" Then i was tested in September 2009 for HIV and it was negative. Big relief for me. ALL my aches and pains went away after that. I did go to the doctor about a bump on my private area and i found out i had HPV. I havent had a outbreak in 2 years but i have major anxiety about not ever finding a husband or having kids Its very frustrating... So, Ive also had recurrent BV infections. I know if BV is left untreated it can lead to PID. Now im really worried about PID of course. Also HIV/AIDS or herpes. I have some symptoms of all of them. Its gotten so bad that ive sworn off sex with anyone, even with a condom. Im too scared of obtaining something serious. sex is not worth the stress and worry that i will have to endure after it happens. Ill just get imaginary symptoms and freak out even more.... Deep vein thrombosis is another worry because i have been having calf pain. yes, ive been doing my research... im reluctant to do to the doctor. I don't like my doctor because she always tells me nothing is wrong and i don't believe her, because i KNOW there is something wrong. I feel as if she always just dismisses my problems. I feel like whenever i have a new ache or pain, or some symptom....i immediately go online and start searching, for hours. Webmd's "symptom checker" is a big one for me... I am crying almost daily and freaking out because i think i have all of these things. I started on the nuvaring and started having a laundry list of symptoms when i started taking that: heart palpitations, tiredness, leg pain, body pain, bv infections, food cravings, depression, severe pelvic pain (where the PID worry comes in) But it might all be related to the birth control. I am so confused and frustrated. My mom doesn't understand either. She told me to stop going to the doctor. I feel like i need to go right now for all my symptoms. But im afraid the more i go, the more shes going to think im crazy and its all in my head. Which i hope it is because im terribly afraid of getting something serious. Im so sick of feeling this way. Im sick of diagnosing myself with illnesses i dont have, but think i do have. if that makes any sense. But then again, i might have it. i dont know!!! :( if anyone has any words of advice please help me. i dont know what to do. i want to go to the dr. but my mom thinks im crazy and i dont want my drs. to start thinking the same...
emo cutie Joined: Mar 7, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-04-07 05:28:06
	roxx: im pretty sure you will get a husband. "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." like, im prone to hurting myself. the other day i went running, tripped on my shoelace and my leg got a rock in the leg bone. im pretty sure icannot walk anymore. i dont think ur crazy, ur just worried about urself.
ovafear Joined: Nov 29, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-04-08 03:02:47
	Hi, You sound just like me! I was back and forth to the doctors about everything. They told me i was stressed, had migranes or whatever. I didnt believe them for a second. I have told myself I have tumors, cancer, AIDs, whatever pain i have i always think its related to a terminal illness and im doomed. I went through a period of crying myself to sleep for a while because I worked myself up so much. One night I remember out of nowhere everyone in my house was sleeping and i was in the living room or something and all of a suddon my body felt very odd and my hands and arms felt strange and then my vision went all up the wall and i freeked "I am about to drop dead" in a mad panic I got in my car and drove to the medical centre paid to see a doctor to tell me it was an anxiety attack and I have depression. Previous to this I had been to see the docotors because when i sat down to watch TV or something I could feel my heart pounding in my chest like i was about to have a heart attack (at the time I was 24) I had bloods down but everything was clear. Thta was the first sign of panic attacks- although I didnt realise it at the time. I have addmited to myself I have health anxiety problems and I have been trying to get ahead of it for a while now- probably about 2 years- but i have had a problem with depression and anxiety for about 5 even though I have know about it for 3. I understand what you mean about being sick alot. As a child I was sick often and in hospital a few times. Now if I get a cold I freak out thinking its going to kill me. Last year I had pneumonia and it was very bad. I went to see the medical centre and was sent straight to hospital- only to wait over 4 hours not breathing properly to be told it wasnt and to go home. Then a day later back to doctors to be told yes you do have pneumonia the hospital were wrong. All along im thinking "F you guys I could have dropped dead at home alone on my couch!" I am not looking forward to this winter and getting sick as I know it will spark my beating heart and general worrying about croaking it! Sorry ranting on... Stop looking up symptoms online- I was doing it and it made everything million times worse. I wite a diary about how im feeling and when im having a freak out day I write it all down and it helps clear my thoughts. See yor doctor but ask about maybe having depression- always worrying about this stuff isnt good and plays horrible mind games. Good luck- I know its not easy but youl be sweet :o)
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