Thread Topic: I have hypochondria
|
sammie
Joined: May 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-05-05 10:08:19 |
|
I hate it, every time I have a strange ache or pain I'm on the computer checkingmy symptoms. It causes me a lot of stress because I imagine what I'm feeling is a symptom of cancer or some other disesae. You might say, stop googling for your symptoms. But if I don't my imagination is left to wonder, and really that is no better. Plus I've read up on enough diseases to know their symptoms by memory and scare myself. My hypochondria seems to come and go. I'm not like this all the time. But when it hits it lasts for weeks and causes huge amounts of anxiety. It's actually hard to focus on anything else... I feel pretty silly posting this. |
|
|
Unanswered Thread: Histrionic posted by hello123 1 hour ago |
|
|
Jen
Joined: May 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-05-05 12:53:19 |
|
I know what you mean. But in my case, I almost wish that I did have something serious, then catch myself thinking that and have to tell myself off. The internet can be a curse and a blessing. I start worrying that I have a mental illness, and then look it up, then convince myself that i have it... Just know that you aren't alone! |
|
|
Lynn
Joined: May 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-05-05 14:39:16 |
| you both are not alone. I feel very silly and crazy. I had thyroid cancer 8 years ago at the age of 29. Because I had no symptoms other than a nodule on my neck, I now feel that I can't trust my body, like there are things growing and going on in there that I have no idea about. I fear that one day I will find out that I am totally eaten up with cancer and never knew anything about it. I have continued my followups from my cancer and all has been well for the past 8 years. I had blood work (thyroid cancer marker) done 8 days ago and am still waiting for the results, torturing myself the entire time. I have had the same blood work drawn at least 10 times during the past 8 years and it has always been fine. Now half of the time I am convinced that my lab results will be back. I have carried my phone with me at all times for the past 8 days waiting for a call and raced home to see if there is a letter from my doctor & nearly had a panic attack today. I know this is silly but I can't seem to help myself. Any ache or pain & I know it is some form of cancer. This even extends to my family. Anytime they complain of a pain or go for a medical test I'm sure they have cancer. OK I know the guys with the straight jacket will be knocking on my door soon. Ha Ha! It is nice to know I am not alone | |
|
sammie
Joined: May 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-05-06 08:41:29 |
| Jen, I agree about the internet. A curse because it gives the illusion that deadly diseases and common ones are equally likely. So of course you automatically think you have the deadly one. A blessing because there is the elusive webpage that will sometimes calm your fears. At least I find that sometimes. Reading statistics that show how rare something is or that it doesn't occur in my age group helps. | |
|
sammie
Joined: May 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-05-06 08:47:33 |
|
Lynn,I am sorry to hear that, but certain that after 8 years you are fine. Thyroid cancer is one of the most curable types right? I can totally understand the anxiety that test results can cause. The waiting is the worst. I know exactly what you mean about not trusting your body. It is such a paradox that cancer often comes on in painless and subtle ways and yet stress can cause very noticeable symtoms. Drives me crazy wondering. I think knowing that cancer can be so subtle is part of what drives me to worry about every little thing. |
|
|
2rlyblssd
Joined: Jun 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-08 11:00:06 |
| I used to be so proud of myself and felt I was indestructible due to my lifestyle -- no drinking at all, no smoking, no drugs (never even experimented), exercise every morning, avoid fast food and eat fruits and vegetables daily. I also take supplements and get plenty of rest. THEN anxiety struck and I haven't been the same since! Over the years, I have gone from panic attacks (beat that), then vomiting for a year and a half (NOT bolemia, but stress-related -- beat that), and NOW I suffer from Hypochondriasis -- YAY. LOL I hate going to my doctor, because I just know that they will send me far away to specialists for batteries of tests that will freak me out! I did go once, was told I was fine, but didn't even believe the doctor! "He must have missed something..." It's awful... | |
|
2rlyblssd
Joined: Jun 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-08 11:33:13 |
|
In this past year alone, I have "had" breast cancer (turned out to be a lump caused by hormones and caffeine), brain tumor (vomiting caused by stress -- my baby niece has brain cancer and she does this as the tumor pushes on her pituitary gland), heart attack (gas and just stress as determined by a doctor who hooked me up to machines), and most recently, multiple sclerosis (due to numb limbs on my right side when I slept at night which turned out to be a pinched nerve that has since been taken care of thanks to a chiropractor). How am I ever to take myself seriously?!? :-) Although I will say that the more I go through and it turns out to be nothing, the tiniest degree of comfort I gain from the experience. I just wish someone would have warned me about all the changes that your body will go through as you age (I'm 32 now) -- A lot of it could be simply that I just don't understand the body's inner workings and how natural they truly are. |
|
|
sammie
Joined: May 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-08 12:30:49 |
|
Your story is sooo familiar. I've been to the doc for chest pain and was told it was stress. Its crazy what stress does to the body. I had the numb limbs, too. It can be very scary. Sorry to hear about your niece. |
|
|
2rlyblssd
Joined: Jun 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-09 07:28:24 |
|
Thank you, Sammie. Your top post sounds all too familiar to me as well. Your hypochondria may be an avoidance technique like I believe mine is. I have noticed that whenever something happens in my life that I don't want to deal with or face, I get a new symptom! That's because worrying about our symptoms successfully distracts us, so that we don't have to think about that overdue bill, or our sick relative. And have you noticed that every time we rule out one illness, we magically pick up another symptom to another illness?! I have drawn a connection in my own life to that. I used to get panic attacks whenever I couldn't deal, and now this takes its place (although I would take this condition over panic attacks ANY DAY). But they both rob you of your precious present moments. Another thing that I have noticed that you may have, too, is that if I am successfully distracted I do not feel anything at all unusual! Like at work or when I am reading a good book or working on a project...If we were truly sick, would we not feel it all the time?! Hmmmmm..... |
|
|
Addoru2021
Joined: Jun 13, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-13 17:10:47 |
| It is comforting to know I am not alone. Until I found this website I couldn't find anyone who I could relate to, but now I read posts and can relate to everything I read. I find myself reading an thinking, "wow I do that all the time" or " I know how he/ she feels. I didn't realize how many people look up the same things as I do. It is sort of comforting. | |
|
pjh1960
Joined: Jun 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-27 06:04:03 |
| I can realte to ALL of this. I have a huge fear of a coiuple of things (I can't even type them) but I am constantly looking up statistics too. I also do NOT want to go to the doctor. Recently had a scare with a pap smear and am totally freaked out about it. Having a very hard time believing doctor when she said tests were negative. So frustrating! | |
|
kathystr
Joined: Jul 2, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-02 18:55:13 |
| For me, it is all about ovarian cancer. I have IBS and I am terrified that they have misdiagnosed me and it is really ovarian cancer. I just found out that someone I know who is 36 just got diagnosed with it, so that doesn't help my situation. I have an 18 month old baby and I am so afraid I will not live to see her grow up. | |
|
schmeetwo
Joined: Jul 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-08 14:23:50 |
|
i'm having a hard time even writing this. it will also be the first time i've made it know *anywhere* other than inside my head. it's just killing me. thinking about it today, i've come to the realization that i must be a hypochondriac. however, i don't think i am in the typical sense. i don't really think i'm dying or have cancer. i believe my fear actually stems from a horrible thought process i've traced all the way back to when i was 18 (i'm 24 now)... when i was 18, i had 2 encounters in which i had unprotected sexual contact... i won't go into details, but in one situation i felt as though i was putting myself in a bad position and quickly got out of it, and in the other, i made the mistake of letting my guard down, and the contact was forced. at first, i didn't think anything of what happened... i'd been in a bad relationship and chocked my actions up to being miserable about that. i know now of course that it was stupid and it was really i who'd made the decisions to be in those situations, but that doesn't matter. about 3 months later, i went in for a normal gyno appointment and found out i'd contracted hpv (the warts kind). i was scared out of my mind. petrified doesn't even describe it. so i treated it, and after a while the physical symptoms had gone away. i went in for tests for more std's, and they were all negative. i was elated. i didn't think about it at the time, but i realized recently (in the past 2 years) that i'd never actually consented or been given results to an hiv test. the moment this thought crossed my mind, i panicked, and have been ever since. i do not know if you are given an hiv test without your consent, but after hearing some where (some tv show or something) that they aren't allowed to test you with out your permission. i know that thought was triggered by something stupid on tv, but i can't help but wonder if it is true. i had surgery once about a year after i found out about the hpv, and am still unclear if i was tested then. i am too afraid to ask. it is literally debilitating when i start to think about it. to this day i do not know what to do. i keep noticing symptoms here and there that i can't classify as normal. abnormal pap smear (assumably from the hpv, but although it isn't curable, the fact that it normally subsides with time and it hasn't yet is really bothering me), constant uncontrollable sweating on my hands, horrible dental problems (which deep down i know is my fault, i spent too long not caring for them, but every time i start thinking about this problem, i toss logic out the window on the matter), breast pain, and, most recently, my sternum has been popping and making crunching noises when i turn my upper body. i'm too scared to go the doctor for most things, unless it is something like depression which i'm currently being treated for, or some type of ailment that wouldn't require invasive tests or procedures (like my back pain which has been going on since i was a pre-teen, so i know at least *that* isn't related). although my last pap smears came back normal, i'm still afraid to go in for another one. i haven't had blood tests in years for fear that i'll find out i have hiv. i am literally having strong anxiety for about 80% of my day, and i can barely meet deadlines at work because i am obsessed (i do not use the term lightly) with researching symptoms and what they could mean. i am so scared that i have hiv. but i cannot force myself to get a test done. i know this is bad and wrong. i'm married to someone i've been with for 5 years, who knew about the hpv, and has accepted it as a minor disturbance to our life. i'm getting to the point in my life where the subject of children is coming up more and more frequently. this scares me to death. i can't stop thinking about the "what-ifs". if i get pregnant, i'd have to get hiv tested - if i get hiv tested and i'm positive, the likelihood of my continuing the pregnancy is very low - if i'm positive, the biggest thing that scares me, is that my husband almost certainly is too... he is so afraid of the disease, as am i... if he is positive, i make myself sick thinking of him leaving me or worse, taking his own life - when i think of these things, i begin to think of my own exit from the world - if i lost all those things in my life, i would surely want to end it swiftly. at the moment i'm not suicidal, the only time i feel that way is when this thought comes up. i cannot control it. i believe that all of my depression and anxiety and stress in my life is triggered by this one notion. you'd say the obvious route to take is to get tested and rule it out. i've tried. i truly cannot bring myself to get the test done. the fear is so strong, i know what would happen if it came back positive. obviously, if i took it and it was negative, alllll of this would melt away. but i cannot get over the hurdle. there is no way i can find out i'm positive. i've gottent myself to believe that if i don't get tested, i will never know and it will never be a problem. but i do know that there will be a time that i will need to know, and i will have to get tested then. i do not know what to do. i'm so obsessed with this, i spend so much time researching and worrying about what's going on with my body that it's making me miserable. not a single person knows my pain, i just cannot talk about it. i fear that if someone else knows, something will happen and i'll get tested and be positive. when i try to push the ridiculous idea out of my mind and genuinely consider the likelihood of it, i think the chances are very slim that i actually have it. but all of these horrible things i'm obsessing over come back and tell me that i do have it. this obsession is killing me. |
|
|
2rlyblssd
Joined: Jun 8, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-07-09 08:54:35 |
|
I know it is SO hard to jump over that hurdle! I truly do. But know this: If you do not get tested and find out, you are simply wrecking your life with it. My daughter and I had been through a tornado a couple years ago. This past season, there was a threat to our area for later in the afternoon. We spent the whole day preparing and worrying and expecting the worst. We put off plans, and simply obsessed about the pending storm all day. Would you believe that the rest of the day was sunny and beautiful?! And everyone else was out playing and enjoying it, while we sat huddled in fear all day for a storm that would never come. I felt that I had learned a lesson that particular day that I try to remember whenever I get upset about my 'symptoms': You can choose to sit and worry all day about something that may NEVER happen, or you can CHOOSE (key word here) to enjoy your time here. You say "what if it's positive?" Well, "what if" it's negative? Ask yourself THAT question, because otherwise, you are literally wasting your life away! And one thing I still battle to this day, especially when I'm tired and my defenses are down, is to STOP PLAYING MOVIES IN YOUR HEAD. It is so easy to do: You start out with one little insignificant thought, like 'what's that ache in my side' and it snowballs into you in a casket surrounded by mourners. Believe me, I know! Recently, I decided to go back to school and finish my degree. I was so nervous about the whole thing, that that night I noticed that one breast was bigger than the other, and I felt little twinges in it. That did it for me! Instead of thinking about school, I obsessed over that breast ALL NIGHT LONG. Didn't get a wink of sleep, but just kept staring at it in the mirror and picturing myself dying. The next morning, my period showed up! I couldn't believe how my cycle came back around without me even noticing it was time. I felt so silly! It has since gone back down again. It has done this in previous cycles, and apparently that is its new 'thing'. It sounds so simple that it could not possibly work, but it does: When you start your movie's opening credits, put up a big red stop sign in your head. Ask yourself what is bothering you right now that you probably are trying to avoid or don't want to deal with (as this is where 90% of people's issues with anxiety seem to come from). And I know this is hard to swallow, but also try to honestly look at yourself and say, "What am I getting out of this?" Sounds crazy, I know, but when we do these things, there is always a 'reward' behind it. I sure hope this helps in some way! You've got a wonderful life ahead of you, possibly filled with children and loads of good things, but you'll never get to touch it if you don't win this battle in your head. You must understand that it is YOU doing this to yourself, and that YOU CAN OVERCOME it! I firmly believe that you will look back on these moments one day and LAUGH. And you'll say, "I can't believe I used to be like that!" Play THAT movie....!!! |
|
|
pjh1960
Joined: Jun 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-11 11:32:52 |
|
SCHMEE.... My gosh, I could have written that. Listen, I have obsessed over this very thing for THIRTEEN YEARS. Please get tested before you wind up like me. It's the most debilitating thing ever. I have been telling myself to get the test for 13 years but can't do it. Please do it for your sanity, your husband's sanity and your future children's sanity! I know it's ironic coming from someone like me, but you'll be FREE of this!! |
|
|
Unanswered Thread: No Subject posted by alwaysknew 15 hours ago |
|
|
Need to see a psychologist? Find reviews on the best doctors in your area at Angie's List
(Get access to thousands of reviews for a small charge) |
|
