Thread Topic: Sexual Orientation Confusion - Histrionic
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disorderguy
Joined: May 5, '09
Status: Admin |
2009-06-23 09:18:44 |
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Those with histrionic personality disorder are often more outwardly sexual people. They are often flirtatious and promiscuous, forming superficial relationships that are fraught with drama and do not last long. A common clinical finding among histrionics is sexual orientation confusion. They may not fall neatly into the categories "straight" or "gay". Sadly, sexual orientation confusion (and indeed a number of personality disorders) are also associated with childhood sexual abuse. It is not uncommon in borderline personality disorder as well. I hope that others will share their comments on sexual orientation confusion within the context of histrionic personality disorder. Not having experienced this myself it is hard for me to understand exactly how it feels. |
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Unanswered Thread: my test results posted by darron46 16 hours ago |
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kakashiikruus
Joined: Jun 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-28 15:09:08 |
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Well I was sexually confused only up until I realized it was possible to be fully bisexual. It was kind of like, 'but i cant feel the same way about - and - that jsut doesnt make sense' . Mostly is was confusing because when I liked women, my attraction to men didnt lessen. That can be very strange at a younger age so I think it was all jsut a little too much for me. I'd liek to say that my childhood abuse has nothign to do with my sexual orientation, but I honestly am not sure. |
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kakashiikruus
Joined: Jun 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-28 15:11:38 |
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Well I was sexually confused only up until I realized it was possible to be fully bisexual. It was kind of like, 'but i cant feel the same way about - and - that jsut doesnt make sense' . Mostly is was confusing because when I liked women, my attraction to men didnt lessen. That can be very strange at a younger age so I think it was all jsut a little too much for me. I'd liek to say that my childhood abuse has nothign to do with my sexual orientation, but I honestly am not sure. |
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insanelyOK
Joined: Jul 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-22 23:34:05 |
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Hi disorder guy, I'm not confused about my sexual orientation. However I feel the traits of the disorder assist me to not giving a damn about anything except what I want...the possible consequences don't even enter into my mind (instead I live with a gnawing sense of guilt that I can't get rid of- even when its got nothing to do with me or I'm not the guilty party). So, with sex I suppose I'm using the other person for just that: SEX. Afterwards, I don't want them around for long but I do want them to see me in the best light possible blah blah.. If the sex was ok, I also don't mind having it again I'm two fold about it the whole situation: 1) On the one hand I absolutely despise my behvaiour. I feel slutty & it almost pepetuates my feelings of worthlessness. It definitely validates my beliefs around men being cheating scum creeps (even though only one guy I've been with was in a relationship). 2) But on the other hand, I can't seem to stop it. When I'm alone I want to be out around people who will make me feel better about myself than when I do when I'm alone & nothing is "going on". I find it hard to relax at home on my own... so I got out looking for "excitment" (which is usually an opportunity for me to feel "good about myself"- even though I totally acknowledge its all bull-s---!). I saw the irony in your comment about finding it hard to understand- I'm living with it, I've acknowledged I have a problem was diagnosed, researched about it & I still don't get it!!!! It drives me batty... HOwever, I must admit this double view of the disorder is what encouraged me towards finding out what was wrong with me- at the time I just thought I was overtly self centrered, obsessed (but with an excessively low self esteem or feeling of wothyness) & basically a horrible/miserable human being who was trying to pretend she was f'n fantastic. I suppose in the context of the disorder, it enables me to freely become a lot more sexually open than my friends (who I consider have a healthy image of themselves). I think all my issues stem from childhood abuse since I was five. I've grown up hearing how pretty I am, I was nick named "princess". The thing is, I don't remember being spoilt nor do I remember wanting this attention... although I do remember thinking that if it got me attention then this must be what I am/who I am. It especially attracted the attention of men... although I've only recently remembered the abuse beginning so early with one main perpertraitor(I originally thought I was about 8??) At about 8, I recall telling myself it MUST be me. It must be happening to me because I want it, because I AM IT. How else could a child explain men who on various seperate occassions sexually abused her... this was probably perpetuated by a mother who was trying to deal with similar issues & the neglect blah blah & then over a life span.. it developed into histrionic personality disorder. I'm sorry, I'm unsure if I've been helpful or not.. .I tihnk I've just rambled on & on & probably confused you. I like the blogs & the sharing though. It helps me to understand & through understanding I can counter act the bad traits with positive habits (wish there was a magic pill to take though ;) ). |
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disorderguy
Joined: May 5, '09
Status: Admin |
2009-07-24 08:15:04 |
| Thanks for sharing your story, insanelyOK. My own personality is so different--I shy away from people--so I can't relate to your experiences. I think that's one of the challenges with these personality disorders, that it's hard to understand where a person is coming from. But I think you've helped shed light on it. | |
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Unperfect Angel
Joined: Jul 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-25 22:19:30 |
| Well i was confused about my orintation because i was very much attracted to guys but i had a friend she was a lesbian and I flirted and messed around with her very sexually and this got me attention which I liked. For a while I didn't think anything of it, even when we.. had sex, it wasn't until i was flirting with compleat strangers on chatlines did i ever consider myself being lesbian or bisexual, I had just convinced myself that i was curious and that was it. I finally admitted I was bisexual and.. now i'm in a great relationship with an amazing girl. | |
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wadesa
Joined: Jul 24, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-27 15:44:59 |
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Theres no confusion. It is what it is. For as long as I can remember I've based my self worth on how many people like me. How many find me attractive, how many are sexually interested in me... etc. I realize that it is a sad existance. Why dont I just like me for me? I wont allow it and Im so stuck in my ways i've been doing this for years, it is extremely hard to change. If I have less than 5 people interested in me I start to worry, start evaluating myself on why I am not good enough. I have to be liked, i tell stories/jokes, ive been promiscuous whatever it took to make sure people loved me or atleast acted as though they did. When i realized i could get the attention from women too... my god it upped my sex appeal in mens eyes as well. Being desired by both sexes is an extreme high. Also the taboo aspect of it Men, then women, men & women at the same time. It makes no difference. I wonder if it has to do with being histrionic in my case or if im just wired this way. I have not been diagnosed but it fits me to a T. I need constant approval, without it I am nothing. I assumed this had to do with the fact I had no father growing up.. just searching for male attention, but i search for it in females as well. I used to be excessively flirtatious and wear overly seductive clothing until a bad encounter things have changed now. I still exhibit the signs of being dramatic, failed relationships over and over again.. and i am so easily influenced by others its disgusting. I wish i didn't care what others think or need them to validate me. |
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feelincrazy
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-27 11:09:00 |
| I was told by my husband and family yesterday that I probably have Histrionic Personality Disorder. I have not been diagnosed by a professional and plan to go to counseling immediately to see if this is the case. I have been in a marriage for 14 years and have 2 children. My husband has refused to be intimate in any way for 10 years now. A few years ago I went back to work in a very social environment which I love. In these past 2 years my personality has become very dramatic. I dress provocatively and I am the centre of attention in every situation and very flirty. I crave attention and acceptance on a daily basis. I have been spending money like it grows on my tree in the front yard! I have recently started a sexual relationship with a 26 year man (by the way I am 38!) I have distanced myself from my children which causes me unbelievable guilt and sadness. I don't know if I have always had HPD or if it is just now developing because of the complete lack of attention I get from my husband. I can't seem to control the way I dress and act any more and it seems to be getting worse. I am a attractive woman but I feel the need to hear it from other people. Not sure what to do. I can't continue down this road of distruction cause it is ruining relationships with family and friends. Not sure what to do...anyone have any suggestions? | |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-02 20:19:01 |
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feelincrazy: You don't have to go through this alone, try to find people around you who can help you through. Talk honestly to people you trust about your problem, find help, and whatever happens, believe in yourself and that you can make it through. You can't make things better all at once, it's important to start with small steps. Start by trying to make small, easy improvements in your life. Don't give up! On topic: I'm not sure if this is sexual orientation confusion or not but I used to think for a while that I would have liked to be born a boy. As a boy, I would have been attracted to girls, but as a girl I'm not interested at all in relationships with other girls. Is this sexual confusion? |
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iimogene
Joined: Nov 24, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-24 12:38:09 |
| ahh, fantasy..! i have the same problem.. i don't picture myself in relationships with girls and a girl myself, but sometimes i imagine what it'd be like to be a guy and have a girlfriend. | |
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jimmybeam
Joined: Dec 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-12-08 02:47:16 |
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I am not one bit confused about my sexuality. I am also not insecure as a man with regard to homosexuality. I am not gay although I do enjoy the attention and company of gay men. Meaning I really enjoy it. To the point where I have gone to alternative clubs and have considered stripping at a gay club. I score very high as histrionic. I admit I am most of the things on that list however I am not... easily influenced; highly suggestible Rapidly-shifting and shallow emotions Yes I have been very promiscuous with women in the past. I have filled out sex addiction tests based on my past and have scored extremely high. I have changed and can be with one woman now. Have I ever had thoughts that would be considered gay, yes of course. I believe every man has. Any man that doesn't admit this is lieing to themselves. Have I ever had contact with another man that would be considered gay? Yes perhaps by some people. Never sexual though. I will also say that I prefer the company of women generlly however the men I chose to be close to I prefer them to be feminite or gay. I hate macho guys. I myself can exhibit macho type behavior and I am not proud of it afterwards. I mean tough guy type behavior. I will say however that I have often been accused of being gay by certain people. It makes me laugh. Yes I am Metrosexual. I do take much effort to look as good as I can with regard to grooming and dress. Yes I like to dres provacatively. I am muscular and enjoy the attention of both sexes. Confused? NO. Love attention? YES! |
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Folks_L
Joined: Dec 24, '09
Status: New User |
2009-12-24 01:49:48 |
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Im not confused about my sexuality. all my life i have been the center of attention,friends, boyfriends, i had it all. suddenly these past two years have changed. now im distant from friends and people at school. i cant seem to keep a man, all my ex boyfriends tell me i act so sensitive to the point they cant even joke with me, without me going off on them or cussing them out. im embarrassed to say this but when i would break up with a boy, just to keep him close i would lie and say i was pregnant. and the guy would believe me and check on me everyday.or when i try to impress a guy by saying something freaky it never comes out right and he looks at me confused.so i thought maybe i just have a speech impediment. i have been thru child abuses when i was younger my grandmother would call me a whore everday and we would fight physically and verbally. Then my mother left with her new husband to be truck drivers when i was 15 so i felt abandoned too. thats when i started being distant. without the attention at school and at malls i been feeling like maybe i got uglier and i wonder what happend to me.because of that i would sit at home by myself then find myself crying. what am i doing wrong. i dont even like looking in the mirror anymore. when i do i dont recognize myself. AM I HISTRIONIC? |
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Me4Real
Joined: Jan 20, '10
Status: New User |
2010-01-20 02:12:42 |
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When I read insanelyOK's post, it was like a description of myself. Although I am an out gay man, I still feel gender-confused sometimes - like I could gave sex or a relationship with someone irrespective of their gender. I habitually engage in compulsive and abusive behaviour i.e going out to seek excitement in the form of anonymous sex, although of late, I have used self-discipline to restrain me. Reading that post made me realise that I too was abused, although it didn't seem like abuse at the time - used to engage in sexual activities with teenage boys when I was still a pre-teen. Last year, I came very close to finding out the truth about myself when I went for therapy; stopped therapy however - can't even honestly say why. Now however, I was faced with the truth when reading about someone with traits similar to mine. |
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LethalAmbrosia
Joined: Jan 29, '10
Status: New User |
2010-01-29 19:14:14 |
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I'm definitelly both very borderline and very histrionic.Had a filthy imagination since I was little,without being sexually abused(just verbally,physically and yes ,ignored a lot)So until I finished high,I was only attracted to females and took pleasure in dominating them,toying with them;after becoming of legal age boys got in scene,and I've experimented intensively a couple of years,dressing in a provokative manner and totally forgetting about my ex girlfriends.But then,after experimenting about everything,the chase for endorphines started to turn into a self-punitive act,I felt guilty,ashamed,and went though some very severe break-downs;substance abuse,ecc. So I've figured mixing some feelings in the whole scene,but unfortunatelly ended up by alienating the very few persons I really cared about. So I repressed my sexuality,morphing into an ice queen.Histrionically enough though,I started fetish modelling,just to make sure I get to be praised and asskissed still,but from a distance.I've eliminated sexual confusion by taking my hormonal tests.So,under the microscope I'm str8.In reality I don't feel psysically attracted anymore to anyone.I'm feeling better alone without complications,or my own conscience judging me up.You know that old saying 'if you want something done properly,you 've got to do it yourself':)) |
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Unanswered Thread: shyness is ruining my life posted by paul1984 2 days ago |
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