|
niklared
Joined: Oct 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-19 06:23:49 |
|
I'm recently feeling like there may be something profoundly wrong with me. My impulses have completely destroyed my whole world, and for nothing. I don't know why I did what I did. I had everything, Fiance', two kids, big house, pets and a pretty ok job. I threw it away for desire. The bad things I did with another man, my secret life and my drinking was completely foundationless. But I couldn't help myself. I left my fiance', quit my job and behaved like nothing more than scum. The other day my secret lover left me. I can't begin to tell you what that did to me. I feel like I love him but thats not even possible is it? So I've been having promiscuous sex, drinking too much and over spending. I have changed my whole look, got a new tattoo and self-harmed A LOT. All in the last 2 weeks. I feel like I NEED to be with a partner. I'm almost addicted to that feeling. But I love the drama, the excitment, the passion and the secrets. My impulses drove me to down the hard road. Most people take the easier option if two are presented to them. I take the harder, the riskier and the worst. But why? I'm a 23 year old woman, some how I'm discovering I always had this side... Even from early teens. But its all come to a head and I can't hold back my impulses now. Is it borderline? Is it Histrionic? I have no idea. I just know I am broken. |
|
|
Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago |
|
|
elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-19 08:30:47 |
|
niklared, u sound exactly like what i am. i have a caring and ambitious husband who do everything he could to make his wife's n son's life happier. and i myself was happily married to him with a lovely son n have a pretty ok job. while he was away, finding and struggling to get that happier life, i had difficulty handling my desire and the stupid impulsive acts. i had a secret life with a man who is completely, literally stupid and broke. while i know my husband is far better than the man and i'm married for six years and we have a son and we compliment each other, i somehow tried to leave my husband for no reason for the man i barely know for 2 months! like u, i love the drama, the excitement, the passion. but this all leads to from having everything to having nothing. but the only diffrence is that i am given a second chance by my husband. from the whole incident that happen to me, i discovered myself as being : -having difficulty in handling impulsive acts - having difficulty deciding what is best for me -confused of my own image. i don't know who i am and what i want -highly suggestible(by the man) -let others decide important decisions of my life n blame them when things go wrong -having extreme mood swings and can have completely diffrent perception of others(one day as being a good person, the next day as a bad person) -fear of abandonment(i leave people before they do(which they wont, i'm just paranoid) -felling empty all the time (despite having good husband, lovely son n good job)-which leads to the seeking of excitements n passions -paranoid n suspicious-difficulty in believeing people -feeling of worthlessness,not worth to live with, "nobody can love me, i can love nobody" and the list goes....all leads to one answer... BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER... now that i am aware i have got this, i am struggling hard to make sure i don't do blunders again. and i don't let myself wallow in guilt(though sometimes i just can't help it) coz i know i did whatever i did because i have illness. niklared, does your fiance still loves u? is it possible to get back to him? |
|
|
elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-19 08:36:43 |
|
niklared, i think u should resubmit your post to borderline forum and u will get better ideas n suggestions because i stongly believe u have bpd not dpd |
|
|
niklared
Joined: Oct 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-20 00:12:36 |
| Thanks very much Elisa, I posted on here because the showed very high Dependant and Boderline. My Fiance' would take me back, we have discussed it. However I don't feel it would work. I think I need to be on my own for a while so as not to cause my family any more damage. So yeah I will repost this on the Borderline forum, thankyou. | |
|
Unanswered Thread: OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago |
|