I just need to talk

miomao Joined: Dec 4, '10 Status: New User	2010-12-04 18:24:38
	I kinda feel selfish posting this, as Ive read some of the other stories on here and I understand what Im about to say isn't half as bad as what some of you have been through. But I am at a dead end in life. First of all, I am an 18 year old girl living in London, UK. I moved down here in June from Manchester, which is across the country, knowing only a few people. I met more friends through these people and formed a little 'circle' as Id call it, but it all fell apart. Any friendship I have ever had has fallen apart and Ive been cast out and I dont know what Im doing wrong. The girls I hung around with in school and for the majority of my younger years have all drifted from me and are doing bigger and better things with their lives. Sometimes I flick through their facebook photos and just hate them. I can't get them back. Ive tried my hardest to find new friends, but no one sticks. I feel I only have two close friends in the world, a boy I have fallen in love with (I think?) who is taken - but he's cheated on her with me a few times now, I dunno how I feel about that still, I love the sensation of our closeness but I can tell he's a damaged person too. Also my other close friend is another boy from Manchester, who I haven't had feelings for but I know he gets me as he is very depressed and emotionally broken. Ive had 3 major relationships in life and Ive driven them to breaking up with me - I dunno why I do it but it's like I push their buttons towards the end, like I WANT them to dump me, but then after, I feel... nothing. I can't describe how Ive felt, but Im sure most of you understand what Im saying. It leaves me completely numb, so numb I can't cry, I can't see anything positively and this has sometimes driven me to the point of suicide. Lately these feelings have been had more and more and I know I am completely alone in this world. I'm scared tht one day soon I'm going to end it. I just need someone to understand..
Delirius Joined: Nov 3, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-12-04 18:27:38
	I think you'd be better suited in the Borderline forum.
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