Im emo,anyone know how i feel?

Capndezdez Joined: Oct 11, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-11 19:05:14
	Im emo and it feels like no one is there,its my 5th year of cutting and my parents still have't noticed...does anyone know how i feel?
Capndezdez Joined: Oct 11, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-11 19:18:21
	I took a personality disorder test Disorder Rating Paranoid: High Schizoid: Very High Schizotypal:Very High Antisocial: High Borderline: Very High Histrionic: Moderate Avoidant: High Dependent:High Obsessive-Compulsive:High
ulquiorra Joined: Aug 4, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-10-14 14:31:58
	bad... you could tell more if you want to. then perhaps if you want someone to know how you feel theres probly someone else here who dose.
vidz_22 Joined: Oct 16, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-16 08:55:57
	Relax.. Believe me. All of us are afraid of each other. Of what other people will say or do. We are afraid of making mistakes or ruining someone's expectations. We want to please other people so badly to accept us, and as we do we become afraid that we will make mistakes the we try to avoid people or stop being bold or forward or adventurous. But think about it, we only have this lifetime to express ourselves, to enjoy life, to be bold and adventurous. Do something good and fruitful. It will make you feel good about yourself and you'll earn more friends. Reach out. One good deed a day. Don't be afraid. Also, try diverting most of your emotions to other things. Do some oil painting, collect movies or animes, read some comics, do dome sketches. And try running in the morning. It will boost up your day.
benjos87 Joined: Oct 26, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-26 22:03:02
	The day i was born my ambilical cord was torn the doctor had to stitch my belly button which interferred my circumcision. i was seriously burned at 6 months which meant no breastfeeding after that because i had to spend a long time in the hospital recovering from surgery before i even turned 1 years old. as a kid the people who remember me now tell me i used to scare them when i was about 5 because of the look in my eye i looked like a grown man. i survived a genocide at the age of the 7 which left me with physical and emotional scars. Up to this day i still have nightmares and i will never forget my people who died and the expereiences i had in those times. i really never had a best friend after the war because i moved alot and am still moving up to this day and i cant say i have a best friend who can lay his or her own life down for me. Coming to North America i had trouble making good friends so here i am with negative friends smoking marijuana initiated in a gang and i get arrested do 4 months and get 2 year probation for armed robbery that i didnt even want to do. I was 17 years old. i get out now i cant get a job i start hustling things start doing good until a jealous known dealer decides i have to pay him 200$ every month if i wanna live. am hesitant so i get kidnapped taken to my home give up my ps2,about 100$ asked my mom for 40 bucks give em my brand new shoes and whatever valuable and i promised them 200$ it is.every month. Am at a bus stop they appear with knives had me trapped inside threatening me and somebody else catches their attention they follow i see the bus coming i run and tell the driver, dont stop. fortune drives in my direction and my parents move to another city. I finally settle down and start thinking what just happened in my childhood(since 5 seconds old until 19 years old). I feel like a soldier who just fought the vietnam war and i seen too much for my age i feel like am 45 and my face looks like am 56. So thats when my mind started playing tricks on me. no sleep,didnt wanna eat,didnt wanna got out,i masterbated alot thought,didnt wanna go to school,didnt wanna work... DIDNT WANNA DO THE NORMAL STUFF THAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO!I WAS SCARED!i mean i was scared to a percentage of lets say 90%. the only time i felt comfortable was when i was alone or with my brother and sister. I enjoyed being around my mom but not my dad because when growing up he used to act like hitler and whipped us like the whipped slaves in the slavery days. in the new city, trust me i developed all the above personality disorders from schizophrenia to post traumatic stress of the war even though it ended 13 years ago. without thinking, i commited a crime that convinced the city police i was some kind of terrorist which i wasnt. they came wearing bulletproof vests with a doctor and a detective. you know, exaggeration. they took me to the hospital for 2 months and straight to jail 5 months where i was released a new man. Did i mention they gave me another 1 year probation and a court order to see a doctor regularly take medication and a abstain from drugs and alcohool. I went to school during those days and tried to forget the negative i was going through and the medication was one of the things that helped me and are still helping me now that am speaking. My friend take medication thats suitable for you and this takes time because i had many medications given to me and i wanst responding well until they gave me the right ones. Therapy also helped. advice: relax your mind dwell on the positive set some goals love yourself and others let that frown turn into a calm face dont worry about people they just like you you are just like them get close to them slowly get to know them talk to them you may click and they will be your friends play some sports listen to music sexual relationships may help too being in love can help but just remember love cant control your destiny sometimes love is cut in two parts and hearts are broken but theres more people you can find new love learn from your mistakes to make it work for you you will grow more. And i swear the more you grow,the more all those negative disorders are forgotten and when you finish university with a wife and kids a nice house a nice car and happy life you wont need medication because you will have all the self esteem naturally for the things you have achieved. GOOD LUCK!
deblwk Joined: Sep 7, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-10-26 22:21:11
	Benjos87: Rockingly good advice :) :) :) vidz22 you too :) :D
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