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wazzamatozz Joined: Sep 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-20 05:07:49
	Im recently getting into a new relationship. i don't know if i can fully trust a website, but i'll give it ago. Simply put, i would care, but i wouldn't be phazed if i lost some1 close to me. Even my closest friends i wouldn't shed a tear. But the thought of being rejected by my current girlfriend is the most terrifying thing on earth. this go to say the only exception to this is my mother, i would care for her. but i can't understand why i feel this. i don't want to feel needy and jealous and insecure anymore. i just want to be able to be away from her for a moment and not lose my mind from paranoia she doesn't love me anymore.
Mel Joined: May 26, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-09-20 05:27:44
	Hi wazza Simple answer....relationships are a HUGE emotional investment. Ten points for your honesty. Not too many people would be brave enough to admit that they wouldn't shed a tear if they lost a friend or two. This is pretty accurate of a lot of people I think. You know I lost my mother in 1993, and whilst I was terribly upset, I wasn't half as devastated as when the guy I wanted (at the time) and still want, walked away. I cried for weeks. I still cry but no where near as much. I never felt so much anger as I did at that time. He led me on, and on, and on.....and on....then LEFT. I was so stressed and distraught at the time, that my eye pressure went up. It took me almost 4 years to fully get over it. Then I saw him 5 years later, standing next to me on a street. He saw me but pretended he didn't. He wanted me to say 'hi'...(I know), but he caused me SO MUCH pain over the years, having led me on for more than 6 years that I was too angry and too afraid of being rejected had I said hi. After all...he left me with a mountain of lies and rejection, despite the fact that underneath he (thought he) wanted me. In a nutshell...our emotions ARE our core. Emotions are what we feel, live and breathe, consciously, subconsciously and unconsciously. They can make or break us. That's why so many people are fuelled with fear, it's what runs their lives. It's a sad reality but a very real one. Be careful...you ARE WHAT YOU THINK. If you fear she'll leave you, then SHE WILL. You will unconsciously do everything in your power to make sure she'll leave you so you can endorse your belief. That's what so many people do. It's a self defeating behaviour. Don't become your own worst enemy. Love thyself! :)))
Mel Joined: May 26, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-09-20 05:34:26
	Oh yes, one more thing.... Here's an analogy for you: If you grab a handful of sand and clench your fist, what would happen to the sand? It would slip through your fingers and fall out right? BUT...if you open your fist and let the sand sit there, what will happen then? The sand will stay there, it won't slip through your fingers. The same with love. Don't clench it like sand in a fist, or it will slip away. One of the best things anyone can do to love another is let them live. Let them be the person they are. They will love you even more. Why? Because they'll feel respected and thus valued. No one wants to be with someone who DOESN'T trust them, because no one wants to have another being make them feel like they're stupid and can't make decisions. In other words, give her credit for being intelligent. If you show here you don't trust her then she eventually resent you for it. Why? Because the message you'll give her is that she is 'stupid' and can't think for herself, much less make decisions. I'm sure she can. Treat her with the intelligence that drives you towards her. ciao x
ireland Joined: May 1, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-09-20 05:47:56
	Mel-I like your philosophy,how is you new place working out?x
Mel Joined: May 26, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-09-20 06:26:05
	Hi Ireland Thanks for asking. I LOVE my new house. I've been painting and spending $$$, but hey...all good. I still have heaps to finish, but it will have to wait for a bit. I have exams in about 6 weeks, so I'm too busy studying : I'm finishing off my master's in psychology. Isn't it good? I've kept my story to a minimum. Hard, but hey.... You know, I want to get a job as a writer. I just love writing. xx And you? what's the goss?
Mel Joined: May 26, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-09-20 06:32:51
	BTW...I've decided forums are no good for my story. I bore too many people. So, I'm using a dating site. It's great! I just wait until I find the right guy so I can bang on about my issues. In fact, I got some really great advice from a guy last night. He knows my story and has given me some good insight. i can't talk to any of my girlfriends about X anymore. Like forums, they're sick of listening :)) lol. AND...some have listening for 20 years. I know.........
ireland Joined: May 1, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-09-20 07:01:39
	Mel-I thought you were going to say that you had started writing for womens magazines. Can you remember those short 1 page stories,I dont read the mags alot,not even when I was a young girl working in an office and on a lunch break.But millions do. You could earn some extra cash using that mind of yours. As long as you are just using your body to get the painting done,you will be ok;)x
Mel Joined: May 26, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-09-20 18:07:59
	Thanks for the advice Ireland. The more I think about it, the more I want a job as a writer. Now that we've passed the age of modernity, now is the time to write in the new age "modem-ity". lol :))) xx
Mel Joined: May 26, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-09-20 18:10:34
	Nothing like 'forum play', don't you think? xx
wazzamatozz Joined: Sep 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-30 06:48:35
	Hey Mel. cheers for fantastic advice. it really means alot. your words are 100% spot on and helpful. Funnily enough i've heard such similar things from close aquaintances. and you know what, i've heard it several times yet never applied it. i had to learn the hard way once before. haha, so that was a bummer. but i couldn't agree more the 'careful waht you feel'. another thing i've been told and have been trying to navigate lately. I too admire and respect the fact your able to open up to a complete stranger. So now it really is time for me to shut off the brain, let go, have fun, smile and hope to god we can create some fun. thanks for the advice Mel, your an absolute Angel! -Warren
dandido Joined: Oct 11, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-11 05:17:13
	hey everybody, recently i have been feeling really distannt from my mother due to the fact tht she is controlling and manipulative and needy. But i can not figure out what her problem is. I mean i have been thinking really hard to categorize her but no luck, That is why i thought maybe u guys can help me. I have an older brother who has always been having big big problems with my mum because my mum beat us up when we were kids. She was quite aggressive and most of the time she shouted and screamed so hard that we were embarrassed cuz of neighbors. i remember that we both wished to grow up fast and leave home so that she could not boss us arround anymore. Now i am 23 and my brother is 25. he still feels the same. But i just recently started to feel that way for her. I mean now i really see how she was. Whenever she was sad about something, she screamed at us,,,, But nowadays that we are older she has changed a bit, she still tries to contriol us (force us to go to church whenever we are at their house) and if we dont go then she starts condemning us that we are not good sons. she says i want you to come to church because i want to show others that my sons are blah blah blah. then she force us to read scripts in church. Most of her friends dont like her because she tries to use them all the times. She asks them for things that she can do herself. She asks us to write letters for her even though she can do it herself. it is worth mentioning that she is very abusive to my father (physically and mentally) and she always says that she doesn't love him and she wants to live him. They have been sleeping separately for over a year now. I stoped talking to her when i saw that she was hurting my dad physically but seems like nothing works, I dont know what to do that is why i thought maybe the best thing is to first figure out what condition she has (mentally) and then choose an approch to take. Please help me out.
dandido Joined: Oct 11, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-11 05:39:03
	Well here is another one of the things that she does which i forgot to say. She pretends that she is depressed, She actually tells people that she is under medication. I also have a little brother who 13. just last friday we went to talk to his teachers and my mother turned out telling one of the teachers that please contact my older sons in case the youngest has problems in school. she said that she is so sorry that she can not do her best in controlling my brother and that is due to her depression and medication that she takes! which is not true at all!!!!! I hope you guys can form some kind of idea about her personality and figure out what condition she has!
Mel Joined: May 26, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-10-12 16:20:21
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Mel Joined: May 26, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-10-12 16:22:42
	Hi Warren Glad to hear you're focusing on enjoying the realation and not destroying it. So many people focus on 'destruction' rather than 'construction'. AND...most have no idea that they're doing this. I always think it's better to water the flowers you have so you don't have to go buy new seeds. You can only water a flower with vinegar for a short time. Too much of it, and it will die. No turning back. All the best. xx
wazzamatozz Joined: Sep 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-03 11:10:52
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