I am not making ANY of this up

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Thread Topic: I am not making ANY of this up

sactownmusicfan Joined: Sep 19, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-19 19:21:02
	Hello I am new here, and hoping for help. I will try to be brief, yet as descriptive and honest as possible. I am a 36 year old single male. Since high school I have had five "serious" girlfriends. I dated them all consecutively with almost no break between relationships. All of them broke up with me except for one who I broke up with because she disrespected my parents, was verbally abusive to me, and scratched my body up occasionally. Yet when I found out she was dating someone else, I attempted to beg her back. After all five of my break ups, I have gone into a state of what might be called SEVERE SEVERE SEVERE depression, drinking, not eating, laying down all day, not doing anything and almost an "insane" like state. After breakups, I would call the female EXCESSIVELY (all five of the girlfriends). BEGGING her to reconcile the relationship with me. Sometimes showing up at her house to beg. My first girlfriend from high school moved to another city for college and i followed her to the area and I went to college there. When she broke up with me I was devastated, and got her pregnant on purpose in an attempt of keeping her. She had an abortion, and cut me off. It's been a similar pattern with ALL of my girlfriends. I am currently single, because I haven't ever BEEN single in almost twenty years. Plus I have always been plagued by depression and low self worth. I've tried Kaiser psychiatry with little success for years. Can anyone help me? What is wrong with me? Who/where can I go for help? I avoid close relationships because I don't want to get hurt, and I really have no friends. Please email me with any necessary further information. Anyone who can help. thank you.
deblwk Joined: Sep 7, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-09-19 20:01:18
	Please email me....I don't see an email. Since I was 14 I always had a boy friend for the same reason. Except if I thought a breakup coming I just go find someone else extremely fast. Problem was I ended up with some jerks that way (apparently it is easier to find a jerk in 24 hours or less). Finally though these guys were not good to my daughter..so I at 35 years old I made a hard decision...just deal with the depression. But for the first year I wanted to kill myself everyday. My self esteem was tied to not being alone and it was severe anxiety as well. I'm doing somewhat better now and keep as busy as I can with friends ext. Until recently when I had more severe health problems now I just bug people on this board he he. There is almost always someone here. My problems stem from having parents that dumped me.
chopper18 Joined: Oct 11, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-11 12:30:32
	Hey Sactownmusicfan (and any others reading this), I have never posted anything on any website but felt called to do so after reading your posts ... I came to this website because of a test I took on-line that described me as Very High as a DEPENDENT. I am a 37 yo male and going through a divorce after 10 years of marriage (and 12 together) ... P_ _ N was always in the background for me in our marriage as well as a lack of sex (primarily avoidance behavior on my part) - BUT THAT WAS A SYMPTOM. I haven't sorted out out all of my issues but I have come to realize that I was in a VERY challenging relationship. I have no job, I have been a stay at home parent for 2 years and quit every job I ever had in less than 2 years. We just moved to New Zealand. 5 months ago my wife told me to move out - away from her, our daughter and in a country where I knew no one. I was crushed and suicidal. Regarding HELP - I just completed a 3 month program with Pathways in Dallas , TX - createagreatlife.org. It costs about $3,500 for the whole thing but each step is meaningful if you can't do them all ... I am not selling or pushing this - it is simply, possibly a very, very good tool / source for quality help. It has helped me find the strength to press on - to deal with my guilt and usage of P_ _ N, respect myself with Boundaries, believe in myself and be more positive. It also introduced me to many people I consider loving friends. It is at least worth exploring AND if you like, I can put you in touch with some very good people. It is not affiliated with any religion but there is a component of that available if that works for you. It is a positive step but I am not promising a miracle. It is a lot of hard work as will be overcoming your (our) current situation(s). I wish you the best of luck ... not sure how to get in touch with each other but I will check back to see if you need more from me. I just registered today - like I said, this whole thing is new to me. I fly back to New Zealand tomorrow. With you in Spirit, Ryan
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