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Hopeful
Joined: Aug 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-04 01:00:24 |
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I think I have dependent personality disorder.. I am 14. A lesbian. I'm in love with my best friend, who i rely on for everything. She knows im in love with her. I tell her everything. She gets very angry and I always get hurt by it. But I forgive her completely everytime. I am completely submissive, and docile around her. My mood changes so quick, and often i am very dramatic and depressed and suicidel, but only my best friend knows my emotion. She is the only one capable of accepting me, despite her anger issues. All my other friends are as light and happy as a feather. She looks after me, and I love being looked after. Nothing means more then feeling safe and secure with her. We've watched horror movies in our friendship group before. And i always get scared. So she took care of me and comforted me and cuddled me and because she was protecting me, it was one of the best momeents of my life. I look forward to group gettogethers with horror movies now, just coz shes there to protect me. She lets me be everything i am around her, including all my affectionate feelings, my axiousness, my dependency. I am extreamly loving and loyal to her. Everytime she gets even a little angry, even though i know its just her mood swings, i get affected, and i either submit, or cry and then she feels bad. I get very jealous, because she has about two other friends who she considers as best friends and i want her to just be mine. Im worried they'll take her away from me. My other friends get hurt, coz i give her all my attentian. Everytime we have a bad fight, which is often, i feel very suicidal and want to hurt myself. But i never do, I promised my best friend I wouldnt ever do anything that harms myself. I need her so strongly and i get anxious that she will leave. I would do anything for her. I am completely dependent on her. And I love it when she takes the lead, I love being bossed around and like a push-over. Just like I love feeling vulnerable, submissive, helpless, powerless, and weak. Its odd. But I always have. I like not being in control. We talk almost everyday for hours on msn. She acts a lot like my counceller, and guardian angel. She really cares about me. If i have to be without her, i feel like i have no reason to be alive. I get very afraid when im alone. I have heaps of fears. Recently, she told me she was going on holiday for a week. I panicked so hard i nearly hyperventalated. Expeccailly as i had no credit, so i couldnt contact her. She had to agree to send me atleast 2 texts a day, to calm me down. I took a personality disorder test today, just for fun, and DPD came up with very high, which is the highest. I never realized it was a disorder, and now im scared. I don't know how to stop, and part of me is terrified to try, because I love being taken care of and looked after. I need help. I hope i can find it, here. Sometimes i feel resentful for depending on her like i do, but i cant help it. Without her, I think I would die inside. And i know its not just because of the love - i love her more as a bestfriend then i am in love with her anyway - its because she takes care of me... |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago |
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Philly
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-10 10:11:56 |
| You should try to talk to a school nurse or counseler about your feelings. Perhaps they can direct you to some help that will make you feel better. | |
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Me21
Joined: Aug 9, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-10 16:53:55 |
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How is your home life? Situations like this just doesn't occur out of the blue. There is history. Before you can find a solution, one must come to terms with the situation of the past. One to examin their home life, how their parents are together, how they parented you and your overall environment. To cling onto your best friend will send you into panic attacks as you get older. You will become more anxious, have sever seperations anxiety and will also limit your life abilities. What does your best friend counsel you about and what is her intake on your situation? |
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BalancedSnake
Joined: Aug 16, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-16 12:48:18 |
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Dont worry about it. i got very high to, and i dindt know it was an disorder. just pay attention for the things u know, try avonding them, but without hurting others or urself. force urself to go on trips with ur other friends, it's what i do, and i somehow makes me happy. (i've probolby got the avodiant thingy to, so it's quite a chalange for me) In order get improbe my life i've also discovered that i can simply depend on other thing to make me look 'normal' ot other people. example, i got several pets, dogs, mice, and i depend on them. maybe hard to understand, but i got inored when i was a little girl, while th animals gave me attention. the funny thing is, we're in quite a simular situation. i'm lesbian,dependent, with a girlfriend that means the world to me, with an anger problem. |
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Pandora
Joined: Aug 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-25 14:52:51 |
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I know how you feel to some extent. I am only 15, albeit not a lesbian but I am currently suffering with similar symptoms, and many more than yours(feel lucky you're not as screwed up as me ;) ). I went to a doctor, in secret, I told no one. Not my parents or my best friends. I wrote a list of all my symptoms and gave it to the doctor as when I talk about my symptoms I cry and I knew if I had to tell him myself I would chicken out. He was very kind and understanding, and talked to me and asked me questions. I am still in the process of being diagnosed and treated now but I feel so much better now that I know there is actually something wrong with me, and I'm not unnatural or strange. What I would suggest is seeing a doctor, any doctor, either make a list or just talk to them. Trust me, it really helps. |
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Hopeful
Joined: Aug 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-25 23:56:55 |
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Wow, thankyou all for your input. I really appreciate it. I have a few things to say, in response. Philly: I don't like talking to adults much. And I dont think councellors, school nurses etc would help. The thought of seeing one seriously scares me. My mums a counceller and shes an absolute idiot, even though I do love her. Me21: To be honest, I have no idea where it all has come from. I have an good relationship with my family, but the strange this is... they all think I'm independent and strong and everything I'm not. I just dont tell them things. And i am not dependent on them much at all. If they knew who I really am, they would not accept it. They'd be horrified. I am only really ever dependent on one person at a time, and its always my closest friend. I read up about it, and all the things it says it can come from, seriously dont apply. It came into full bite when i first started to like people. I'm emotionally dependent. Yikes. BalancedSnake: Wow, you really in a similar situation. Tell me about it. Your suggestions are helpful, but the thing is... I'm just not happy when she's not around, or when i cannot contact her. I feel so needy and nervous. I can't beleive she puts up with me :) Pandora: What you did sounds like a really good idea. But there are no doctors around where i live, and no one to drive me. And theres no way in hell that im telling my parents. At the moment I'm actually really scared. Me and my bestfriend arent going too well and I'm feeling so insecure. I feel like im being forced into a cage and like i'll never escape. I'm so distressed by everything, and I dont know.. I dont know what to do.. :( |
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Hopeful
Joined: Aug 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-01 00:31:54 |
| Please help me. Please. | |
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Hopeful
Joined: Aug 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-07 23:55:45 |
| I did something bad today.. something really really bad. | |
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Laveria
Joined: Sep 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-08 06:28:52 |
| What was it that you did Hopeful? | |
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Charliie
Joined: Sep 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-08 11:27:33 |
| Oh god were so alike!!! I think Im gay and im only 13! And i also think I have this disorder... | |
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Charliie
Joined: Sep 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-08 11:29:58 |
| Oh god were so alike!!! I think Im gay and im only 13! And i also think I have this disorder... | |
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Hopeful
Joined: Aug 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-10 03:50:45 |
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I broke my best friends promise. If she finds out, she'll hate my guts. I'm used to telling her everything. Now I have a secret, and i cant deal with it.. It's causing me to lie... over and over.. I can't keep it up. And she's gonna find out, coz i cant keep things from her. And then she'll leave me. And then.. there just wont be any point anymore.. |
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Hopeful
Joined: Aug 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-10 03:51:47 |
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Hey Charliie, why do you think you have this? Do you want to talk? |
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Hopeful
Joined: Aug 4, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-12 00:57:37 |
| She hates me. Theres no point in living anymore... at all | |
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IdntCreWhoKnows
Joined: Sep 17, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-17 17:04:50 |
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Hopeful, just calm down a bit... There is a point in living. I'm a 28 yr old lesbian, and I've been this way ALLL my life. When I was younger I had crushes on a few teachers here and there, as I was always attracted to older women. When I got to high school I fell in love with my best friend. She didn't know about it though... She didn't even know that I was a lesbian. I don't think I was dependent on her, however I would always manipulate situations to where she would date any guys. She would always listen to me and she valued my advice so when she would come to me about certain guys I would point out all the bad things and get into her head so that she would lose interest in him. Yeah, we did the whole sleepover thing.. she changed clothes in front of me, we talked on the phone for hours and hours, she gave me a shoulder to cry on when I needed it, she held me when I was scared, she would lay on my sometimes and all that stuff that bestfriends do, but in my head she was my girlfriend... In actuality she wasn't.. So wht you're going through is probably just a crush. I wasn't dependent on my best friend, but I'm VERY dependent on my mom. I suffered from seperation anxiety as a child. My mom would have to escort me to school everyday and leave while my attention was somewhere else. I slept with my parents until I was 13. My mom fills out all my job apps, college apps, makes my doctor's appointments... everything. And where she lacks, my older sister picks up... I was very clingy to my mom as a child. I didn't want to share her with anyone else. My older sister was always independent and outgoing, my younger brother really didn't have much time to be a baby cuz I pretty much pushed him out of the way... When I started dating my girlfriends basically took the place of my mom. I look to them for love and attention and guidance and reassurance, but at the same time I'm very controlling and demanding... My mom is so used to be needing her that even at 28 she doesn't want to let go. When I do try to step out and be on my own she makes me feel so guilty. She and my dad don't want to go through the empty nest syndrome. And I was so needy as a child that they don't think I can be on my own. They still baby me and everything... I've relocated a few times, but I always find myself back home because of how they make me feel while I'm away...Anyway, I'm rambling on and on.. But the point is you shouldn't be afraid, because there's really nothing to be afraid of. You're still very young and I think at some point in time we all experience what you're going through. If it makes you feel any better you can talk to me. I have a degree in psychology with emphasis on abnormal behavior. Hey, we're all the same on this site so you don't have to worry about being judged or anything of that nature. Whatever you decide to do, just don't feel like there's no point in living. There's always a point. |
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Unanswered Thread: OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago |
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