I am scared :S

Hopeful Joined: Aug 4, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-09-18 20:02:47
	I know, I know.. There is a point. My best friend doesn't hate me. I told her what i did, and thats why she hated me. She almost broke off the friendship but then changed her mind, coz she loves me too much. She loves me more then she hates me. But now she blames herself for what i did, and is not angry at me at all. She thinks everything is her fault. I think id rather her just be mad at me, because i cant stand her hating herself.. I know it probably sounds like it, but it really is not just a crush. I have had other crushes, and i know the difference. I never stop thinking, worrying, stressing, obsessing, and.. loving her. It never ends. And its always getting stronger. I know i would die for her. I am in love. I write about her everyday, and everything i draw expresses her. I even make up songs about her. But.. its so hard. Because we both struggle to be happy, and the only way for either one of us to be happy, is for the other one to be happy. We rely on eachother so much. But i rely on her more.. much more then is healthy. If I didnt have her, I'd die. The strange thing is... I've never been like this with my parents or anything. Everyone who doesnt see me when im around her thinks im very independent. But I need to talk to her everyday or i panic, because i miss her and need so much, and usually start crying. Thats why i spend hours on msn each night, talking to her, on top of school, and catching up. I never get sick of her. But we both have such big problems.. she has even bigger ones then me. She probably has borderline. I took the test for her, to see, and it came up with very high. I'm always worried about suicide. I'm almost always stressing over her, dispite what a good friend she is. I would like to talk. I've got a lot to say, if you want to listen...
Unanswered Thread:    VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago
IdntCreWhoKnows Joined: Sep 17, '09 Status: New User	2009-09-21 16:35:46
	Sure. I don't mind listening.
Hopeful Joined: Aug 4, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-09-22 05:18:48
	:) Life is okay atm... We had a giant talk, and i got a lot of stuff off my shoulders... We are still best friends, even though we have ever so many problems! Hahaha, im pretty happy atm, actually.. I feel quite secure :)
Hopeful Joined: Aug 4, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-10-10 17:55:50
	Ummm... She went away on friday, is coming back on tuesday.... I miss her so much, and i keep crying coz of it... I'm feeling really anxious and insecure, and I'm not even completely sure why.. I just want her back :(
shades of gray Joined: Oct 23, '09 Status: New User	2009-10-23 06:59:10
	hey, im 15 and just like you. im compleatly dependant on my best friend exsacly the same as you are. i think i have it and all i want is a girlfriend
Hopeful Joined: Aug 4, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-11-03 20:17:47
	Wow. I'd love to talk to you. Thanks. I'm 15 in just a few weeks. I am having a hard time at the moment. My best friend has serious problems, and is most likely borderline.. I'm trying to get her to stop cutting and it just makes her hate me, but i cant let it go. And she said she might leave schools next year, and i cant stand the idea! I have nightmares about her leaving me, and then me becoming depressed and cutting like i used to... I keep feeling like im loosing control of my mind and emotions... I mean, I am dependent on my best friend... but there are some things i dont think she can control. Which i hate. I wish she could control everything. My mind, emotions... everything. I like being weak.. Why do you think you ahve DPD? What symptoms do you have?
shades of gray Joined: Oct 23, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-11-04 09:59:09
	I think I have BPD if honest :/ and I know what you mean, mt best friend left last year and I kills me :/ I think i'm alot like you, same feelings and needs it's just i'm like a year ahead that's all. Lets know what happened and please don't cut! In the long run it won't help. Talk to me, iCard I really do, u remind me of me. Noone can controle you, it's your emotions and it's what makes you like the most amazin person ever, that's what I think xxx
shades of gray Joined: Oct 23, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-11-04 12:21:36
	You honsley seem such a nice person. I think maybe I could give you some advise if you want it, iv been through the friendship cycle and worried about my friend too. Iv tried to cut when iv promised not too and couldn't do it, iv worried about how to tell her how I feel, scared of her reaction. Iv been in love with her. Do you want to talk off the forum? Iv got an email, reson I said I dint is cus it's a school one and people can trace it. But if you want to talk about anything I'll chance itt, be reytt :) I know what your goin through I think I have DPD and BPD :/ hmmmmm anyway let me know, thanks for what you said on my post by the way :) xx
shades of gray Joined: Oct 23, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-11-05 09:29:55
	Soz posted like 4 now aha XD do you live in England btw? Xxx
Unanswered Thread:    OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago
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