I don't know where else to turn

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Thread Topic: I don't know where else to turn

Novocain Joined: Dec 3, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-01-30 21:41:57
	This might seem a bit oddly worded.. disjointed or whatever. So please just bear with me. I wouldn't consider my group of friends to be unbearable.. They share the same interests as me and I can joke with them and s---. Sometimes they act really stupid for no reason but that's life kinda, you know? Nobody has perfect friends. Just sometimes.. they'll ignore me. They'll single me out and treat me as though I'm different. As if I don't understand the things that they're doing.. They make these assumptions about me.. it's hard to explain... so I'll try to start from somewhere else. I don't have the greatest temper. I know that I can be a bit serious at times, moody even. But I never thought of myself as too terrible of a human being. I'd say I'm at least a bit empathetic and easier to talk to than some of my other friends... But they often treat me as though I'm some ticking time bomb. Like if they bother me with anything that I'll just explode at them. Sometimes I'll get in these quiet brooding moods.. they'll treat me as though I'm some moody infant who can't be helped, they don't even ask me whats wrong. They never ask me if I'm okay when I just want to say something. They never let me say anything. I have so much to say and they just take me for granted. When I open my mouth they'll look at me and laugh like I'm f---ing stupid. Like I don't know anything. Sometimes they'll say things to me out of no where like 'your opinion doesn't matter' and it almost seems joking but I can't tell. It just hurts.. I don't wanna be treated like some f---ing stupid animal who they can abuse. They abuse my feelings so bad.. I try to be an interesting person so that people will value me. I try to seem 'unique' but it doesn't work. I live day after day trying to impress people and failing. Constant rejection, being pushed away when I need other people the most. It hurts me, and it makes me angry inside..It makes me want to cut.. I know it isn't the best way to express my emotion but it's the only way I feel anything other than anger and resentment.. I just want to be taken seriously.. I just want to be loved, you know? I want someone to touch me as a human rather than patting me on the head like a f---ing dog. I want affection.. no one realizes that.. Anyways thank you for reading..
Obsidian Joined: Jan 22, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-01-30 22:20:12
	I suggest you throw your friends in a trashcan and just get new ones. People on the same level as you, and don't try to hard to impress people, only makes you look needy.
pinku Joined: Feb 2, '10 Status: New User	2010-02-02 14:46:36
	Try to find yourself. Make a journal, write down why you think they single you out or ignore you. I've shared this feeling before with my friends, I can't say I have been successful in retaining their friendship but that's a different matter. Evaluate yourself from a third point of view, don't think of you as the victim that only makes you blind to the facts. If they still do this to you, I suggest like the above poster to just get a new group of friends who value who you truly are. Most importantly never stop being yourself, even if it's a bit hard at first, we are human and we're constantly seeking the acceptance and approval of others, yes seek this moderately and while being yourself. Good luck and much love~
Healthyself Joined: Feb 19, '10 Status: New User	2010-02-19 19:49:31
	Get older friends that have been through stuff....mature friends that can talk to you, not pet you on the head! And if you think at all that you might be moody or have anger busts...this may be the real reason people keep away. You may have a heart of gold, and I bet you do ...but anger, moodiness and sfuff like that scares people away. Life is not a movie. To live drama free...get a therapist, eat right and stay off stimulante (caffeine, sugar, alcohol, nicotene) as they won't help. Exercise...run or walk, this builds enforphines and guess what? It makes you feel better about yourself. I used to be a super angry young woman, I started running at age 23 and never stopped, it has helped me clear my thoughts, stay healthy and feel all around better. I do not (after 30 years) get so damn depressed anymore. I Know how to ride through it all. You will learn. Stay hopeful! :)
icmonkey420 Joined: Feb 21, '10 Status: New User	2010-02-21 21:39:11
	I used to think that people were innately good but am slowly finding out that that's not true. Making someone feel bad about themselves to make yourself feel better is no new crime. But making someone feel bad about themselves because they already do makes them jerks. I have similar problem with my mother. Every time she has something she wants to say to me that could be construed as criticism she precursors with "Don't get mad" or "I'm not trying to upset you or make you mad or upset" or "I'm not criticizing you or trying to hurt your feelings" and whatever she says doesn't make me a fraction of upset as her feeling the need to tell me not to get upset. It's likes she thinks I'm this nut case that's going to fly off the handle and loose it. But I have realized something about myself, I am this nut case that will fly off the handle. It makes me mad because it holds a monnocome of truth. She says these words as if I don't have control over my own emotions, but guess what? I Don't. What I'm trying to say is, these guys are a bunch of mean jerk faces and you could do yourself a world of good by just letting them go and moving on. You have to ask yourself, do they make me more happy or do they make me more sad and if its more sad, let go. And don't lie to yourself and say more happy because you don't want to have to let go of the friendships and loose the connection to them, I've done that too. You fear that a break up means that you will be missing out on their conversation and that it will hurt and that you will be alone and never find friends as funny as them or as cool and outgoing, but babe friends, like love, is an action. They aren't your friends, these are people you "hang out" with. REAL friends would listen to you and make you feel wanted and accepted and take your feelings into consideration. They do that for each other why not for you? It seems to me that they keep you around for humor not for joy of company and why would you willingly be the butt of someone else's joke. And I'm saying this for my benefit as well as yours. We deserve love in our lives, every human, not torture and pain. Don't cut, don't hurt yourself. Be good to yourself when no one else is. You are your own best friend and maybe it hurts so much because you wonder these things about yourself sometimes or it makes you look at parts of yourself you would rather not look at. Find out who you are and what you want out of life. Find out what you want from others and demand those things as long as they are reasonable and don't hurt anyone else. Well that's my rant, good luck
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