Thread Topic: What do I do?
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Dreamhearts
Joined: Jul 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-04 19:31:19 |
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I've been to the doctor, my mom thought I had an over active thyroid or something. I got tons of bloodwork done, but everything was fine. I had to go in the first place due to my eating disorder. I've had eating problems sense I was little. I go through periods of stress and I don't eat at all and strave to death until they're ready to throw me in the hostpital. I always get over it with some medication, what I'm not sure. Anyways, they got suspicious and gave me the only thing they could, a depression and anxiety test. From the results, I had moderate depression as well as anxiety. After talking to them they suggested that I was either Bipolar or had Borderline Personality Disorder. Okay, so I went to the phycologist, and it went alright I suppose. I wasn't thrilled about it, but I felt relieved to know that maybe these crazy, intense feeling could stop. I can't keep hurting myself like this. Anyways, after one time, my mom told me that I really didn't need that, and it was too expensive. It was seventy dollars a visit with insurance! It's just me and her and she has no job. I can't keep going. My mom says she thinks it's all just stupid anyways. Two months later, I ended up with thirty cuts down my forearm (my dad frightenly counted them). Some in which my mother watched and did nothing but walk away. I just need to know how to gain control of myself. |
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Unanswered Thread: So which razor/blade posted by Hip 9 hours ago |
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fallenangel
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-05 08:49:24 |
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Im also going through something similar.Unfortunately I havent been diagnosed by anybody. I do believe I have anxiety and some form of depression. I dont want to tell my parents and thats the only way I can get help with a psychologist because they support me fianacially ...(because Im a student) However when I do return to campus Im thinking of seeing a campus psycologist(its free) Maybe you should check out support groups in your area. I really feel for you. Your mom is wrong its not stupid. At the moment I also dont have any support...you determine where your ship sails and though its hard, I think you can take comfort in the fact that you are being pro active and seeking advice.best of luck... |
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Dreamhearts
Joined: Jul 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-05 10:27:45 |
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Trying, but it seems as if there's nothing I can do. My mom doesn't know much of anything because I choose it to be so. She only knows of the marks I've left on my arms because they're very obvious. I'm satisfied with the fact that I am trying to do something, but nothing is working and it makes me frustrated and I just want to give up. It's almost pointless and I feel trapped and lost, lost in an abyss that no one can pull me out of. I can't keep holding on when there's nothing to hold onto. I'm in highschool, a senior now, and I'm not sure about any support groups. I haven't seen or heard anything. This place is horrible. |
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fallenangel
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-06 09:40:39 |
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Have you tried self help books? Ive also seen posts about using a form of distraction to help. Im going to try painting. Sometimes we try so hard to be in the next moment (away from the pain)that we cause more anguish to ourselves. There is something so precious within all of us that no matter how deep we cut or how much harm is caused to our exterior, it never dies. Its the reason you want out of your suffering. I dont know if I am making any sense, what Im trying to say is that if you peel away all the drama of our lives what is left is a perfect you. Nobody can help you find it. Block out the noise, look into the sky, watch the trees but do it without wanting anything in return. You will sense that pure aliveness that is in you. It is not broken, it is not trapped or lost, just hidden under the pain. But it is there. Maybe you think what Ive said here is pointless. But my wish for you is the same wish I have for myself- that we find peace and happiness, freedom from our pain. Ive seen glimpses of it, now all I have to do is hold on. |
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Dreamhearts
Joined: Jul 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-06 11:50:54 |
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You sound a lot like my best friend Kat. I haven't tried any self help books. I don't know where to get them or how to hide them from my mom. I've pushed away a lot of drama from my life, my friends and such, leaving me almost empty and longing for someone to be mentally close to. I don't have that anymore, and it's not like I can just leave my house and never look at my parents again. They've torn and battered my heart until there's nothing left but the broken peices and blood. |
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fallenangel
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-06 14:58:24 |
| I know exactly how you feel. I mean parents make you who you are and some parents take the job lightly. They have no clue how much damage they do to us. But I guess its a choice we have to be willing to make. We cant stay stuck here forever. Hide the books at your friends house. Read stuff online... There is this book A New Earth... I swear when I read it I felt my story was written in the pages. It pisses me off that someone like you can be so eager to find help and all you're getting is dead ends. | |
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Dreamhearts
Joined: Jul 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-08 07:46:52 |
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I'm so tired of living the way I do. I'm desperate to find an escape route. I get upset when others have people falling over them, all Oh are you okay, let me help you, everything will be okay, I'm always here you know that. The only time I have any sort of comfort, are those rare times when I'm actually alloud to see my one friend that I know will always be there. I believe she's what has been keeping be alive. I have at least one person to spill my heart out to, and who feels similiar to me. I'm going crazy within the seclusion of my own mind. I find myself at crossroads with my family. I want to get away from them the moment I turn 18. I hate them for their selfishness, my dad leaving me for his wife that despises me, my mom doing only what is easiest for her at my expense. Or even for the little tiny things that make me mad, little things that everyone does. It makes me hate humankind, on top of that betrayal from others outside the family, but from that, I hate them, yet because they are my parents I love them. Oh my gosh the confusion I go through with this! I find myself screaming at my mother until she leaves the house, then realizing I'm alone, I'm curled up on the floor in tears because I am alone, and I don't want her gone.I'm a dependant person, one who can't make desicions at all, one who can't live alone. How am I to simply walk away? I could stay with my boyfriend, but I'd feel their hateful eyes burning into my back. Everything seems so hopeless. I've done a lot of reading online, but nothing very helpful. Could you tell me some places I could go or where I could find this, A New Earth book? |
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fallenangel
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-08 10:15:23 |
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You could google it but I think you might only get quotes. I got mine at a book store. But its an Oprah book club book. so you can go to her website. [no urls] There is an online community there as well. And some exercises you can do that will help you a lot. I even saw threads about anxiety and stuff. The major principle is to live in the present and not be consumed by your ego because thats where suffering comes from. It also about letting go of the past. I really do think it will be helpful. The teachings are so true that they will bring you peace Please check it out, you have nothing to lose. Dont remain trapped. Your mind and its turmoil is not all you were supposed to experience in life and once you transcend suffering, you will find a place so beautiful. One more thing... everything exists in the universe. If you choose to take your life you remain still in the universe just in a different form...Where are you escaping to? Thats something thats got me stumped... |
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SamManson14
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-14 14:01:45 |
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I had Very High in paranoid. My Mom went on a diet and she lost 70 pounds. About five minutes after I wrote this I felt extremely fat, even though I was 95 pounds (yes, I am only 12 years old). I started to secretly exersize in my room and eat less at meal times, I even skipped lunch at school a few times. Usually I were thick, long-sleeved sweatshirts and baggy jeans to school but one FRriday it was warm enough for me to wear my new dark wash slim jeans and black tank top (I am slightly gothic). My friends, Ashlyn and Rachel, saw how skin I was and flipped out. - Rachel: (gasps) Oh my God, Anna! Me: What? Ashlyn: Look how skinny you are! Me: You noticed? Ashlyn: Of course we noticed! Me: Then why are you flipping out? Rachel: Because we didn't know that our best friend was trying to kill herself! - That really scared me. I thought that I was being suicidal. I remember when my cousin Chad was depressed about his father and grandmother dying and his mother being put in the nut-hut so he shot his brains out. It scared the crap outta me. I knew that I needed a distraction so I looked for something on google. And I found the perfect site. www .fanfiction. net On this site, you write stories and can get commpliments and constructive critism. It really helped me build up my self-estem. Not to mention I found some really awesome people on there. www .fanfiction. net/ ~sammanson14 www .fanfiction. net/ ~hermystar There's a forum on mine. Come talk to me, I'll help you in all the ways that I can ^_^. Now I weigh 110 pounds and I'm happy. Please come talk to me. I both have a listening ear and a crying shoulder if you need one. |
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SamManson14
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-14 14:07:41 |
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*squeals* I found out were you can get the book! :D www .amazon. com/ New-Earth-Awakening-Lifes-Purpose/dp/0525948023 There! And you can even get the book for as low as 0.86 cents! It's awesome, I love that store! |
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Dreamhearts
Joined: Jul 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-24 17:55:37 |
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Thank you to both of you for your help. Sadly, nothing seems to be helping me, and I feel the weight of everything falling down upon me. As for the weight problem, I suffer from the same thing. Sadly, not a single person has noticed. I am 17 years old and I weigh 100 pounds. I go through periods of time where I'm too stressed out to eat. I've seen the doctor about this, and they've told me it's from stress. Too bad I can't afford to do anything nor do my parents want to help me. I'm alone in the this world. However, I do have times when I eat normally, not quite as much as most people, but enough. Right now, I'm not eating... From the sounds of everything, there is no hope for me. |
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Alaycat
Joined: Oct 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-05 23:00:54 |
| Wow aleat you guys area loosing im gaining, I just eat my problems away. | |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-05 23:05:27 |
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i think it's better to be aneroxic or bullimic compared to binge eating...don't u think so, alaycat? i really wish i cud stop doing this binge eating stuff.. |
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Alaycat
Joined: Oct 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-06 19:38:52 |
| I think both is bad hahaha, Both are unhappy. I eat cause im unhappy and some people stop eating or whatever. I just hope that everyone you know finds a happy medium in there life. | |
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Unanswered Thread: shyness is ruining my life posted by paul1984 15 hours ago |
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