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stephie
Joined: Oct 15, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-05 09:57:17 |
| everyones story has something bad in it doesn't matter how bad or how not as bad it was. we all are in this together. xxxx big hug.xx it's good getting it out though.xx | |
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Unanswered Thread: What to do?! posted by Jeanine 3 hours ago |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-05 09:57:18 |
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The thing is going through all she did my mom became a very strong individual, i dont even know how she did it. And fantasy really my story isnt that tragic |
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racyandy
Joined: Oct 23, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-05 12:49:37 |
| I think I was emotionally disturbed from the womb, My dad was abusive to my mom when she was pregnant. The was terrible violence in my home that I don't remember, my mom left when i was 4. My dad had my sister and I in satanic ritual s--- on some visits following my mom leaving, I remember some of that, thats all I want to share right now. | |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-11-06 00:34:36 |
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I am sorry for everything u guys have gone through. My story is something like fantasy's. Our problem is a controlling mother. This going to be very long. Sorry. I was not doing good in school. I was considered a freak. I was shy and unable to defend myself since in my kindy year. I can't perform, i can't take instructions, i was silent most of the time, i don't understand a thing taught in school. My mother was doing damage to me mentally. Instead of encouraging me, she will abuse me verbally saying i am stupid and lazy and that i can never excel in my studies.she was discouraging me all the time. she never appreciate anything i do, academically or anything i do to her as a daughter. at age of 20, took up pharmacy course. instead of being happy, my mother was upset and said "what a stupid course u are taking up. even a dog won't respect your profession". (though sound freaky, but in our culture, comparing something to dog means it's really lousy).i will never forget those words. when i entered Uni, quite number of bad things happened in our family. my mother was controlling all of us beyond reasonable level (she always had, but maybe this time i feel it more as i have grown up). She wanted us to get her approval for everything in our lives. She made all of us confused and dumb that all of us felt like whatever she says is right and anything else is wrong. Even the choice of partner must go through her and she kept on rejecting my eldest sister's choice of partner until she was 34! By this time i couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to let her control me that way. I met my husband n kinda liked him. I asked her approval though i know she wont allow. as i thought, she rejected.Though i was not sure i loved my boyfriend or not, i married him, to show my mother, "Hey, i won't wait for your approval like my stupid sister did. I don't need your approval for anything anymore" I conveyed a loud message to her :"Go to hell with your intoxicated mind and culture!!" But after marrying him, for no reason i thought i have hurt my mother unreasonably. At a snap, i was pitying her. so i went back to her. that's how she came back to control my life, intoxicating my mind that my decision was damn wrong. So i was caught between choosing my mother and my husband for six years. they despise each other. and i couldn't decide(norm for bpd). Long-long story to short, finally i have decided to go to my husband. i wish to be more clear of what i want in my life, be positive and be grateful for everything i have. |
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racyandy
Joined: Oct 23, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-06 06:19:02 |
| Sorry for what you have gone through, You express yourself very well, by alot of the things you write I think you are smart, very smart. Some people are toxic to us, I call them dicouragers, instead of incouraging us like they should, they critize, condem and confuse us. They don't relize the positive efect they could have on us. It's so sad when they are people we love. So how did you do in Pharmacy school? Are in in that profession now? Elisa, I admire you efforts, your honesty and the way you have seemed to gain wisdom in life alot the way. I hope some of the damage between you and your mother can be repaired someday. I wish you well with your husband too, I hope he relizes hes a lucky man to have you. | |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-11-06 20:21:04 |
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Thank you, racyandy. Thank you for your well wishes and support. I wish the same to u. I admire the way u write too, racyandy. your advises and opinions are tactful n supportive. I did averagely in my studies. And, yes, i am in the same profession. But not sure of being a good one though.. I, at the moment, don't wish to have any contact with my mother. Not only for things she did but also myself being a bpd will tend to get confused again if i meet her. I am in tne middle of settling stuffs in my current country before i migrate to go to my husband. And, my husband has given me so much reassurances(very much needed as a bpd..) by his words and his acts on how much he loves me and how much i mean to him, more than i could have asked for.. I am sorry for what happened to u, your sister n your mother. If u don't mind me asking, racyandy, what was that satanic ritual your dad got u guys in about? |
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K8bpd
Joined: Oct 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-07 08:31:23 |
| Oh my god I have so many problems recently. I just started to cut again after stopping for about 5 months. I think its because I disclosed some really terrible things like my childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a neibor to my therapist. I kind ofwish I hadnt said anythhing. | |
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hopscotch
Joined: Sep 8, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 02:47:28 |
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oh compared to all your problems mine seem so worthless and small... ok a quick summary... mum and dad broke up when i was little, like 5.. dad got depression and was really abusive dad murdred my stepmum and mum got engaged to this creepy fat douche with anger issues who likes to control everything.. started cutting beginning of this year. i used to be like an A and B grade student, this year im failing cuz my life is really falling apart. nothing happened, just i started understanding everything. ignorance really is bliss lol and thats that.. |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 08:12:42 |
| Your dad murdered someone a think that's a lot more that I have to worry about | |
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hopscotch
Joined: Sep 8, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 19:54:21 |
| hmm yer. the weird thing is i trust him still.. like more than anyone.. | |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 20:11:03 |
| Well honestly i think just because you kill someone doesnt make you any less trustworthy. My rage will probably get the better of me some day and i might end up doing something like that | |
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hopscotch
Joined: Sep 8, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 20:22:30 |
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yer true..i really miss him tho.. i think im going to visit him sunday :D i really hate it when people say that murderers ect. are bad people and never should be trusted. it really pisses me off because they have no idea what they go through. grrr at stereotypes!! |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 20:50:39 |
| If you don't mind me asking what was his reason for killing her? | |
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Darkness06
Joined: Nov 9, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-09 23:18:46 |
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OMG.. some of you people.. my heart really goes out to you ALL! Umm this is my story.. sexually abused at very young age by 3 diff guys. (friends of family) emotionally neglected in childhood now i have anger issues, depression, anxiety, some OCD. I think i have borderline. Thats about it. lol oh and im gay. im scared of guys. thansk for listening. |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-11-09 23:29:01 |
| The way the above post is worded is hilarious. :D | |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 14 days ago |
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