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needshelp
Joined: Nov 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-04 15:47:15 |
| i keep loosing the plot... somedays im fine but then in a split second i snap into a fiery rage..wen i finally calm down i feel so embarrassed,ashamed,sad and helpless. took the bpd test and results were very high. live in a remote town and dont know where to start when it comes to getting help. need to do something. my partners understanding but wont be able to put up with it 4 much longer. i dont blame him... argh! | |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-04 15:50:05 |
| Loosing the plot? What do you mean? | |
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needshelp
Joined: Nov 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-04 16:03:27 |
| hmm.. where to start? i just get so damn angry over seemingly nothing.. i yell, scream,throw things,smash things.. i used to self abuse and thort i was over it but its been starting again, only mildly. but i fear its only the beggining.. i do it cuz i feel so bloody disgusted and ashamed in my own behaviour but cant stop or control myself. ill be fine for up to a month, happy enough and then i just crack. i hate it so much. i dont want to be like this anymore. i have a 6 month old son and a beautiful man and they deserve so much better... i feel like im so aware of my madness before and after but during i just lose all touch with reality.. | |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-04 16:07:02 |
| That sounds like bipolar disorder | |
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needshelp
Joined: Nov 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-04 16:29:11 |
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ive never really seen it to be bipolar.. ive had a bit to do with it, (close friends, family etc).. n i dont see it to be that.. i dont have high highs and low lows. i dont have depression. like i said the majority of the time im fine. then i snap. and then im 'normal' again, other the added feeling of guilt and all the rest. my close friends and most of my family have no idea theres anything even wrong with me. its only my partner that sees it because he lives with me and is at the brunt of it. ive only ever tried to talk to one friend about it and because she only sees the 'happy' me she thort i was exaggerating and overreacting. being bipolar herself i thort she might understand but instead she shut me down (without meaning too..) id never heard of bpd before but when i started looking stuff up on the net thats what i kept coming up with. it was the one thing that made sense to both me and my partner. i duno. could be wrong..could just be a psycho b**** i spose. |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-04 16:35:14 |
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You not psycho. But the reason I say bipolar is because the "snap" you talk about could be the manic phase, bipolar people don't have to have depression. In the manic phase they are crazy and hyper, bipolar people usuallyfear going into their manic phase because they can't control themself |
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needshelp
Joined: Nov 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-04 18:21:14 |
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well i deffinetly fear the "snap"! i hate for the rage to take all control over me.. reading some of the other stuff on this site tho make my probs seem so minor and unimportant..and i think thats what your probly all thinkin.. makes me almost feel unworthy of being on here voicing my issues, which are still issues to me even if they may not seem that way to anybody else.... |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-04 18:26:12 |
| You problems are just as big as anyone else here | |
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stephie
Joined: Oct 15, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-05 02:51:18 |
| hey needs help. There seems to be traits of BPD i think. The self abuse and feeling and acting on rage. If your family have bipolar it could be that you have a form of it in a different way. Do they get help? cos then maybe you could find help through who they see. And i agree with delirius your problems are as big as anyones on here. It sounds like you suffer from a lot of rage. obviously, sorry. If you can defenetly get it checked out asap. Hope this makes sense. sorry for not being very helpful. Good luck.xx | |
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handfulandahalf
Joined: Oct 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-05 06:44:09 |
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I agree stephie, that was the first thing I thought of. I have those fits of rage still and totally share in the embarassment, and shame, and then I hide out for two days. I am SO lucky for my roommate !! She spotted the hiding out for me, I just knew that after a few moments of rage I just cannot be around anybody including myself. I dont have the guilt anymore because I try so hard and I know it and I thank my roommate each and every time because she knows me enough to clear the way if need be. Anyway, when I noticed "something not right" I started keeping track of a lot of little things like my cycle because that one week was always and without fail some of the worst experiences I have ever had, some I had NO idea came out of me. I always went a little crazy during that time so it was easy for me to use it as a starting point. Keep track of your sleep, food, moods. stuff like that. When you discover your trigger points you will know what more to look for and keep track of. And coming from someone who avoided medication for so long ( well the dr's too) for fear of having to become dependent on the suckers or being sent off to the looney bin. . . go get checked. You sound like you have a great setup going on over there, it will pay off ! I finally went and got rechecked and I am still borderline personality and the added treat of telling my son, he needs to get checked for schizoness. YAY ME ! ( my borderline gets to keep the disorganized schizo company - hope they play well with each other ;) |
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handfulandahalf
Joined: Oct 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-05 06:47:17 |
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needshelp. . . !!! please dont every take that comment seriously. you are just as important as the rest of us. dont even entertain your head with that :) and what you have to say or ask will benefit someone somewhere. like this morning. . . me ! Once you have experienced rage, it is no laughing matter. I come from both ends of it and it sucks no matter what side you are on :D Stay strong ! |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-05 08:56:05 |
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Nah problems are problems, your feelings are just as legit as anybody else's. Your issues are way bigger than mine, anyway ... I'm a rich brat kid who has nothing to be sad about lol but I STILL FEEL SAD! It's not so much how "big" of a problem you have, it's not a competition to see who has the most abusive relationships (?), it's about the emotions and the pain. Please do not think that your problems are "minor" and shouldn't "bother" people! You are an important person in your own right! Another thing that I do is see if certain things trigger my moods ... besides sleep or eating patterns, also try to analyze what ticked you off or what made you feel better, or when you become aware of your anger. Like, I realized that a major trigger is when my mom talks to me, I become annoyed, when I play piano or write or chat to a friend I become happier. So now whenever she talks to me I try not to listen to her hurtful comments and go write or whatever. Yes sometimes there is no reason, but sometimes there is, and knowing these things can help you better regulate your emotions so you aren't so sad or mad all the time. |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-11-07 03:39:49 |
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You are sure right, fantasy. sometimes we are actually aware that we have nothing to be sad of. That we should be grateful to what we have. But we can't help it. the pain, the emptiness, the worries, the anger is just there.. the way u feel about your mother is what i feel about mine. whatever she says, whatever she does just annoys me. she wants to control everything. she make everybody dumb and pathetic. i just hate her. but i find myself being unable to just get over her. she always wins. in any arguement or any issues, she'll win. so i run away. i run away from the world of mad war with her. because she always get what she wants.. |
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Unanswered Thread: OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago |
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