Thread Topic: underlying cause
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-08 21:54:24 |
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i was wondering if the bpds u guys having has underlying causes or it is just there all the time in our lives? i was brought up in a family of five siblings and we had a happy childhood. all i can remember as a main contributor to our (or just mine) emotional behaviour is my mother. she controls everything and there's always a NO in everything thing i asked from her. taking up piano class-NO! taking up dancing class-NO! going camping or outing or go for a movie with friends-NO! working part time while waiting for exam results to come out before entering university-NO! taking up driving license-NO! everything is a NO for her. in short she make me a dumb, doesn't encourage me (and also other siblings) to do anything but just to obey her words. so i started doing stupid things just as a act of rebel towards her NO. so i felt there is no use to ask her anything, becuse i know the answer will be NO. to the extent, i eloped. my boyfriend asked me to ask her first, in case she will agree. but as usual, her answer was NO, and so we eloped. i was happy with husband until she came back to my life when my son was 5 mths old n started making me confused and regret of my decisions made without her consent. and as a bpd, i was highly suggestible and entered a state of indecision. i have been stucked and struggling between my mother and my husband. i can't just leave my mother because thinking how she would have taken care of me when i was small and my husband never asked me to leave her. but my mother constantly asked me to leave my husband and i almost did because i was indecision whether to migrate with my husband or not annd my husband was not with me at the time i needed to make a very big decision. now finally i have decided to leave my mother and stay with my husband and i always feel she is the source of my bpd. do u guys feel this way too? |
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Unanswered Thread: So which razor/blade posted by Hip 11 hours ago |
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wowu
Joined: Sep 30, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-08 22:09:05 |
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hey this isn't the case for me. I must tell you that you are great that you made this decision. I have seen the program once where was this mom-dependent husband who couldn't choose between two women of his life. He just couldn't do nothing and causing a quite sick situation. So I think you did great thing. Your life isn't always connected with your parents although some parents would like to have control over you as long as they can. They cannot understand that they should have children not for themselves but to bring a new member to the society - a new independent person. Well, I can't imagine how it is, but I want to say that what you did was great. It must have been hard decision but I think it is right. |
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ewokinpain
Joined: Oct 7, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-08 23:50:26 |
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When I was growing up I felt like nothing I did was good enough for my father or grandfather. It seemed like I was always trying to prove myself to them and no matter what I accomplished it wasn't good enough. Everything seemed like it was turned into a competition and when I did finally beet them, or my brother for that matter at anything they didn't even acknowledge my accomplishment, they just got pissed at me. When I hit about 14 years old I started to realise that I was feeling like 2 different people were in my own head. One was and still can be fiercely independent, mean, ambitious and ready to take on the world and anyone who gets in my way. The other is a person seeking acceptance, understanding, praise and can't stand to be alone. The fight in my own head can still cause rage, depression, confusion and many other terrible and destructive feelings and actions. I believe that the constant mental beat down that I took as a child who was seeking acceptance from his father and grandfather either caused or triggered my bpd. I also believe that if your mother was and is that controlling that she either caused or triggered your bpd. I am glad to hear that you chose your husband in your situation. It sounds like he is just trying to love U and be there for U instead of control U. Good luck, you can do this. |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-09 21:04:32 |
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thank u, wowu. what u said is exactly what i feel about my mother. she didn't raise us to be a independant society member but for her own use. she wants me to serve her all the time. she even gets jelous if i bring my son out or buy things for my son. she wants me to give all my priority to her and not to my son or to my husband. it was not easy for me to decide. a lot of things happened in between and it took me a lot incidents and reassurances in making this decision. but i am really glad and thankful to God that i chose my husband who really loves me instead of my destructive mother. thank u,ewokinpain i do feel like u too, having two diffrent people in my head. one being rebellious towards my mother,trying to be independant and show her that i can be better off without her. the other one still seeking acceptance and approval from her, trying to the best to please her.i strongly believe now that my mother triggered my bpd just like your father and your grandfather did. thank you, friends to have supported my decision. i guess i have found the answer i was seeking. yes, bpd has underlying cause. |
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Unanswered Thread: shyness is ruining my life posted by paul1984 17 hours ago |
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