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WritingInBraille
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-22 15:06:17 |
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HidexMyxPain, I feel like you're me. I was molested by my grandfather around 1 or so. And then another close relative and friends of my sister. It hurts to keep all that in, I know. And you said you're seeing a therapist? Does she know about the molestation? Honestly, it *can* cause some issues as you grow older. My sister and I are two extremes; she was also molested. She was very promiscuous growing up, going from one man to another and very reckless with her behavior. I on the other hand shut myself off from becoming close with men. I have never had a relationship because I refuse to let men close to me. ( this could also be due to the physical violence at the hand of my Uncle.) I remember when i was younger, I was convinced I was an adult. At 8 I thought I was 20. I smoked, stayed out all night, etc. My mom suffered from Depression as well, and so she never noticed what me and my sister were doing. I quickly got out of that habit as I approached my teen years though, thankfully. I hope that you continue with counseling and hopefully you're upcoming years aren't as difficult as they were for me. We didn't deserve anything that happened to us and we shouldn't be dealing with the guilt. |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-22 15:08:13 |
| Well i went to a mental hospital thats what i mean by therapy. | |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-22 15:15:50 |
| I to smoked cigarettes and weed it started at 10 but im done with that stuff it is a life ruiner and everytime i was high i would eat like hell and get taken advantage of(sometimes).I have gone threw so much i am starting to give up on trust and not doing the crap everyone wants me to do.Im expected to be perfect at school and at home and i can't do that so i get pissed and cut...I have scissors and a knife,cotten balls,napkins,ect,hidden in my top dresser.I never knew how addictive it could be,and 2 out of 1 that know about it refer to me as emo and that also pisses me off.Everytime im yelled at or feel stupid,ect,i want to cut.It's the only thing i can turn too. | |
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WritingInBraille
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-22 16:07:45 |
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Same goes for me(reasons for cutting). I'm back living at home helping take care of my mother and grandparents. It's actually a really stressful environment. Constant yelling from my grandma (she's got horrible mood swings). Every time I feel like I'm not good enough, something's my fault, etc, I self-injure. Started doing it to avoid binging now. Ugh. It also helps me relieve the feeling of wanting to hurt others. I don't know if that's something you experience. But when I'm really stressed I get violent thoughts but I'm not a violent person and so I take it out on myself. Does your school have a counselor? Maybe you can start talking with them and from there they can refer you to a psychiatrist. That's what happened for me at 17. |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-22 17:08:36 |
| Yea i have a counselor but i don't entend on telling any of them because of how seriouse self-injuring is im positive they will tell my mom and i couldn't stand her finding out.I might take the chance and ask the counselor that if i ask them not to tell a parent or anything like that,they won't,otherwise ill call safe2tell(probably).I understand that i need help but i don't want to go back to the mental hospital because if im put in there i will cut even more,i can find something sharp for sure.But it's boring and i would rather talk to someone alone and not in front of all of these other people.If you could see my left arm you would be surprised because most of the damage was done by scissors.I want to stop before it takes over my life but yet i don't.Im very confused. | |
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WritingInBraille
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-22 21:47:46 |
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I know what you mean. I want to stop but sometimes I don't. Maybe I think I'm more scared of having to face my problems head on. Self-injury is a way of avoiding that. |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-08-29 11:10:47 |
| I havn't cut in days.....I feel ok but i still want to.Im so confused right now and i have no idea what to do or think,maybe I should cut again my body isn'tused to going days without cutting and my emotions go crazy.Huh. | |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-08-29 11:12:20 |
| I need help,before it's to late | |
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unwrthygrl
Joined: Aug 30, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-30 01:27:42 |
| Ive been cutting for 7 years and im only 16...yet very mature for my age...unlike some people that cut i was never sxually abused. i was, however physically abused by my father whom utterly denies ever leaving me a mark... but the reason i cut is that a feel i can never do anything right no matter how hard i try ican never be good enough & cutting is form of self-discpline its also a release scince i cant express how i feel in words i express them in my skin...but every one thinks that i only did it for a couple of months & havent for the past 3 years(yea right) | |
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karissa
Joined: Sep 2, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-02 17:23:31 |
| I started to cut myself because it felt releif, but now i do it to clear my mind. The clouds of emotion disappear when i cut. Clearity. Perfection. Thats what i feel, overwelming decisions can easily be dicided. I dont handle stress well at all, so i guess cutting is my way of coping. Sometimes i burn myself or take a frezzeing showers. Just something extreme to help me relax | |
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ashlindsey00
Joined: Sep 2, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-02 18:57:43 |
| I cut all over my arms and legs when I was 18yrs old. I am 28 now. I have not cut myself since those times when I was 18. I had been rapped, beaten, physical abused by my parents. I look at the scars today and just remember how much pain I was in then and all alone. No one there to help me with what I was going through. I was also seeing a councelor that put me on prozac ( bad idea!! ) - that made me feel crazy. - That medicine is not a good one. I remeber feeling like I was sreaming in a black empty room that I could not get out of. I was just in so much emotional pain it was like a release of hurt... I am sad remembering those days.. they didn't have to be that way. | |
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Fake
Joined: Sep 2, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-02 23:35:33 |
| In the beginning I cut myself because it calmed me down. I have so much going on in my life and in my brain that when I cut it all just stops and I am able to focus. But not I cut because it still calms me down and is one of the only things I can control in life. Plus I have to stop drinking and drugging so it sorta calms the cravings down a little. And because it helps with the stress and pain that a flashblack and nightmares cause. | |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-03 01:10:10 |
| i wish i cud cut myself. but i am afraid of blood. so when i hate myself, i begin to starve like d'outkast or i stop looking at my face in the mirror. i feel like i worth nothing, i don deserve anything. i feeling like giving up everything and go run somewhere. but of course with the commitments like my son, my job n stuff make me just stay n feel depressed all time | |
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searching_14
Joined: Sep 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-03 11:27:52 |
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I do it because of self loathing; I deserve to hurt... My existence hurts others, I make their lives worse, I need things but I don't deserve them. Like what a couple people said already; I don't deserve to be happy I don't deserve anything good. I'm not good enough. Whatever it is, cutting is a way to release everything you feel inside for but a moment and finally get what you feel you deserve. It's a release of all the pain and anger you feel inside... But only for a moment; Then it comes back and you have to do it again... If anyone is reading this and you don't cut, I would strongly suggest that you NOT start... Once you do it, it can become very addicting. I know it sounds crazy, but it is an addiction. Even thinking about it makes me want to do it again; I try and do it as little as possible only because I don't want people to see all my scars. |
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hopscotch
Joined: Sep 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-08 18:11:39 |
| i think i am borderline, i cut, am suicidal occaisionally ect. but i dont know what to do to help this. should i tell my parents and family? my close friends know that i cut (they dont know i am suicidal) and they're really worried. i have been seeing a councillor but i dont tell her much, i find it hard to trust her and my family. should i tell them? | |
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Unanswered Thread: OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago |
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