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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-19 18:46:46 |
| Wow im 11 i have been to therapy for a while and im on meds but i can't help to cut myself it's like a drug.When im in my middle school all i want to do is cut because of rejection and feeling used,un-cared for,and the person i want to be with doesn't want to be with me so it makes me just cut.....I don't want help but i do and i don't think it will be easy.I have not bleed(ed) much so im good on blood.But it is the only way to relieve the pain,nothing else will work,i just get the urge to cut even though it hurts....it helps. | |
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Unanswered Thread: What to do?! posted by Jeanine 2 hours ago |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-08-19 20:23:17 |
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Girl, you are really young and you got plenty time to improve from whatever you think is wrong with you that makes people reject and hate you. Dont cut yourself :( |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-20 14:10:22 |
| Everyone calls me a kid but i hate imature people and i dont play with dolls,fairytail movies,i find it sickening and no matter what anyone says or does i wont stop cutting maybe someday but for now it's pretty much my life and you Hip have no idea what it feels like to be me. | |
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Fatality
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-08-20 14:37:02 |
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Hip is only tryin' to help you. It only gets worse, and believe me i know. To get the same "high" you have to increase the amount/depth/whatever of the cuts every so often and it screws you up. Even if he does or doesn't have any idea, he's right, its better to get out while your still young and able, cause when your older comes the worse things, like substance abuse, or maybe even worse than that... |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-08-20 15:44:11 |
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HidexMyxPain, i'm not calling you a kid. In fact, I dont consider myself that much more mature than you are, despite being almost twice your age. When you grow up, youll be disappointed to find out that adult life is not much different than the middleschool you're already in. Adults dont mature, they just adopt a richer vocabulary. For example, other kids might label you "emo retard" or whatever now, but adults might gossip and refer to you as "that crazy borderline woman." Psychiatrists are also known for marginalizing their patients and instilling insecurity. Thats just the grown-up way of picking on people. There are all sorts of weird-ass f---ed up people who will willingly destroy you for the most trivial selfish reasons you can think of, and sometimes for no reason at all. So basically, I'm telling you that you should be enjoying your childhood while you are not yet fully aware of the s---hole you're living in. You're 11, you're supposed to be laughing with friends, talking about cute boys, being full of life. Nobody has the right to make you feel depressed and rejected to the point of self injury, thats f---ing criminal. |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-20 19:58:27 |
| Alot of people start cutting at 11 or 13 and i can't enjoy it because im an addict at cutting and i dont have many friends and moist people just wouldn't understand | |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-20 20:01:33 |
| But maybe some people who already cut or started cutting at my age understand..im sick of life and emotional pain i cut myself to focus on physical pain and it helps for a while.I hate myself....alot....It gives me relief and i love it i feel like i deserve every cut and scar. | |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-08-20 20:38:40 |
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like i deserve every cut and scar. Dont say that. It is never the child's fault, you are not responsible for the kind of environment you're exposed to. Its your parents obligation to provide you with a safe and happy environment. I cant say I truly understand what it feels to be you since I'm not borderline (if thats what you were diagnosed with) but I dont buy the bulls--- that people can be genetically unhappy. I'm sure your problems didnt just stem out of nowhere. So lets start from the beginning: how long have you been feeling this way? Do your parents know of your ordeal and what do they do about it? Have you been able to make friends before? |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-21 17:23:28 |
| I have depression so its hard and i have borderline and im sorry I sounded like a b----...I hardly feel anything when i cut.I normally use scissors so it's hard to bleed much...can't find any blades around the housee.I don't like the way i am but it helps me deal with problems for as long as i can feel pain.I hardly ever open up like this and it also helps to know that im not the only one with this problem. | |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-21 17:38:29 |
| Well i believe it's BPD,I have looked into it and it describes,someways,me...So...yea =/ | |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-08-21 18:03:36 |
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Do you have clinical or situational depression (depressed for a reason)? My advice is to find a counselor, a GOOD counselor. One that can identify with you and treat you like his own daughter. Its hard to find one like that, but obviously you dont get much support from your friends or parents. |
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vampireprincess
Joined: Aug 21, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-21 19:49:12 |
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cutting for me is a way to control my pain... i cut because it is a pain i can control... emotion pains are really hard to control yet pysical are easier so thats why i cut... also cuz i get angry and i feel i can punish myself like that too... soo yeaa |
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WritingInBraille
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-21 20:34:28 |
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HidexMyxPain , I kind of understand you. I'm 22 now but I started self harming at 13. It started with punching, hair pulling etc, and escalated (cutting, burning) as I got older. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember but I always pin-point 13 as being the age when it started getting bad. Looking through my old journals from that time, it's a lot of suicide notes that I used to write. I kept a lot of my feelings inside until I was 17 when I told my mom that I might be depressed. It was the hardest thing to do. Even now, there are times that I want to admit to her about my self injury and get help for it, but I feel physically sick when I think about it. I've kept it a secret from therapists, family and friends. I'm pretty sure my depression, BPD comes from being abused in every way as a kid. I hope this isn't something you've gone through, or go through. Either way, it's important to seek help early. If I could go back to when I was 13 and know that something was wrong, I think I would have asked for help sooner. As it is, I was told by my mom that it was just me becoming a teenager; it was puberty. As you get older and go without treating the response of self injury it'll only get worse. You'll have to keep going further to find that feeling of release. I know it's hard and we're all struggling with finding other ways to cope. Good luck. |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-22 09:10:52 |
| I havn't told anyone but like 2 people at my school knows...I was malested at the age of 2 or 3(by my dad) and they say that can cause effects when im older and i guess they have already started.I can't tell my parent because i feel as if she will just break down and i hate that,she's already depressed as it is. | |
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HidexMyxPain
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-22 14:42:27 |
| Maybe i didn't put that in the right order..lol..so like forget the one i made above | |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 14 days ago |
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