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psychedelia
Joined: Jul 15, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-15 03:10:24 |
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I cut because I hate myself, mostly. I'm a horrible person, a horrible friend, a f----up, a failure, you name it. No one else seems to see it, but I just feel that I deserve being hurt, and since no one is doing it for me, I do it myself. Lately, it's also been about the girl that I love. For starters, she's already in a relationship. I've tried to move on, but I just can't seem to, so I've just given up on trying to think about anyone else. Then there's the fact that she burns her arms, and it makes me feel like our friendship isn't good enough for her to not constantly feel like s---. I know it's not my fault, I just feel like it is, and it makes me hate myself more. The fact that I can't seem to help her just tears me apart. So every couple nights when I feel I'm the most depressed I can get, I just get some alcohol and cut my legs, reminding myself how horrible, how pathetic, how insignificant I am. The fact that I even do any of that just reinforces my claim of being pathetic. It's a rather vicious cycle, now that I think about it. |
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Unanswered Thread: What to do?! posted by Jeanine 4 hours ago |
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Trappd 09
Joined: Jul 17, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-17 02:39:31 |
| I kinda consider myself a cutter. I tried to do it a coule of times bt the blade was never sharp enough or i was still kinda scared. Part of me did it because i was just so tired of how things was with my family and i had some relationship problems. bt the other half of me wanted to do it cuz i thought i never really got the attention i thought i deservd. i figured if i cut myself then told somebody and made them worry or pity for me that i would get the attention that i Wanted. I havent tried to do it since but i still be thinking about it alot and really want to do it bt i promised a certain person that i wouldnt do it anymore. bt here latley the pressure of college, things at home, and even my relationship( maybe my ex relationship) is all causing me so much stress and confusion that im to the point were i dont care anymore. Im always afraid of losing people that i love or being aboned that i try everything i can to try and fix or keep things bt i end up screwing them up. I dont know wat to do. I wanna start cutting myself, for the attention again and also cuz i keep everything to myslef i dont know how much more i can take. | |
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Jujubird
Joined: Jul 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-22 01:28:31 |
| I know this is different from most other people up here, I was diagnosed with severe depression ages ago and am on medication to help, I didn't start cutting until two years into my depression treatment. At first it started with things like sticking pins in myself and such but then oneday I accidentally cut myself with a kitchen knife on the arm. Watching the blood well up slowly and drip down my arm is an amazing sensation, and cutting myself doesn't actually hurt at all. I get kind of high from it (probably from the endorphins released when I cut) I might add that it is possible that my cutting is thrill seeking, as I love doing life threatening things. I don't feel lke there's a monster inside me, I just like to feel alive. | |
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suicider
Joined: Jul 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-25 01:03:40 |
| i cut or slash my wrist to ease the pain i'm feeling internally or emotionally,by doing it i want to feel being numd or to be calm. . | |
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suicider
Joined: Jul 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-25 01:05:13 |
| i cut or slash my wrist to ease the pain i'm feeling internally or emotionally,by doing it i want to feel being numb or to be calm. . | |
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suicider
Joined: Jul 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-25 01:07:00 |
| it's a big relief everytime i hurt myself. . everytime i want to share my feelings to others they can't hardly understands me. . | |
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LadyRavenSpirit
Joined: Jul 26, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-26 12:32:29 |
| I do it to relieve the dead feeling I get now and then. I sometimes feel nothing, no emotion , nothing. I do it to feel the pain. It is an overwhelming feeling to feel something even if it is the pain of cutting. | |
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corina13
Joined: Jul 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-27 16:21:38 |
| i am 13 and going into the 8th grade and i just started to cut my wrist. i have tryed to stop but i cant it is now a hadit for me i love life but life wants to kill me. plz help me and the others. | |
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corina13
Joined: Jul 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-27 18:32:11 |
| i am 13 and going into the 8th grade and i just started to cut my wrist. i have tryed to stop but i cant it is now a hadit for me i love life but life wants to kill me. plz help me and the others out there. | |
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datkats
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-28 03:15:10 |
| okay i haven't cut in months.But i am starting to want to do it again. I had stop because people were starting to notice my scars.I threw out all my razors but I left one just in case. Because deep down i don't want to stop. I can remember how i love to see the red blood coming out. In a way i want stop but I feel the need to do it again.I feel I can fall in that habit again. | |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-28 10:17:10 |
| I used to do it to relieve pressure like some people said, or when I'm really angry or stressed, it helps me cool down instantly, clears up the red haze from my eyes. But nowadays I do it mostly when I'm bored. Yes I don't understand it either | |
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everylilbit
Joined: Jul 30, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-30 20:55:42 |
| Think about it this way, when people go and get acupuncture they are having another person place needles into them. Which you would think hurts but to that person is relaxing. Relieves stress and makes that person feel better about him/herself. The same feeling comes to some people who cut. it relaxes me and makes me feel better. It helps with depression or problems and everything that could be wrong at the moment. Im not embarrassed by my scars but no one has ever noticed them so it makes the game of hiding them all the much easier | |
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mab
Joined: Jul 31, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-31 19:44:25 |
| unless you experience these feelings yourself its difficult to explain. I personally do it to punish myself when i think of the past. I also do it as a release , i feel no pain, my pleasure is not from pain, what i feel when i cut is release of the evil and bad inside me of the past. I have to do it or i feel unclean, ashamed and humility. I have to cleanse the inner me. \this is my life now. There is no cure, but at least i have release for a little time. That time although very short lived is significant and precious. | |
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Saki
Joined: Jul 29, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-01 02:30:13 |
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people have many reasons for self-harm. It could be the addiction to the release of endorphins when they do it. It could be a way for them to vent about how someone screwed up. It could be that they want to punish themselves for what they did...It could be a way for them to know that they can still feel(when they feel emotionless, or like a zombie). Or, it could be a combination of those, or it could be different reasons. Mine was a combination of all four of them...When someone messed up, I tended to blame myself and feel the need to punish myself since it was obvious that no one would punish me instead. Then, I would feel better with the rush of endorphins. But sometimes, I would want to cry but can't. The result always ended with new scars... This is probably less common, but sometimes I even cut just to make things even(probably because of my Obsessive-compulsive...I got high on that so it's still there). I felt uneven at the fact that there were more scars on my right arm then my left... One time I even cut to cover up some words I had carved into my thighs.... A few times I even cut just because I like the taste of blood and wanted to taste it again.....=S Those last three most likely aren't a normal reason though..that was just a few of my reasons, because I guess I'm just weird. *shrug* In the end, I think it all depends on the person to decide why they self-injure... |
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crazygirl
Joined: Aug 1, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-01 06:52:54 |
| I'm 19 and I've been depressed my whole life. I cut for different reasons. Sometimes to punish others. But they don't see it anyway. I started because I was so angry I had to do something! I mean if it's between cutting and killing myself? I used to get scared of the blood. Now I don't. But I can't cut deep. I want to but I cant. And that makes me feel worse. That I even fail at that. And I get addicted and just do it even when I feel nothing and don't need to. | |