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jacqueshn
Joined: Jun 11, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-11 19:17:11 |
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I used to cut myself..For about four or five years. I did it because if I did something wrong, then I thought the physical pain that I put on myself was better suited than any measly pain an adult could..If that makes any sense? I guess I knew how to punish myself better than the adults. I started cutting when my grandpa died. He was my best friend. I felt like no one loved him as much as I did, so they wouldn't understand the pain that I felt. Then, my step father molested me and my mom told me I was a liar. I was in so much mental pain at that time that I needed to release it. I wanted the pain to stay with me and not be directed towards anyone else, so I cut. |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago |
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DyingToBeNormal
Joined: Jun 10, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-11 23:29:44 |
| I remember the first time my mother saw my wrists.... It was right before thanksgiving ( thanksgiving and Christmas were the two times a year I knew for sure my parents would make me go to my cousins and visit)... I was 14... I had been cutting every thanksgiving and Christmas and many random times in between since I was 10..... Anyways, she must of glanced and saw some blood or something on my shirt, so she grabbed my arm and jerked my shirt sleeve up.... ( I used to cut EXTREMELY deep) she immediately dropped my arm and stepped back away from me.... As if she was gonna catch my horrible mental disease by standing beside me... Then it got even worse, she started to cry.... I love my mother with all my heart and seeing her cry because of something I had done to myself [ as my way of dealing with keeping being raped to myself, ironically so I wouldn't "tear the family apart" ( direct quote from my sick ass cousin)]. that day still haunts me and I'm 19 now... My mom did her best... She took me to therapy, made me get on medicine... I knew what she wanted from me, so I lied and told her the meds were working great and I was happy. When in reality I just picked another less conspicuous spot to cut myself.... First my shoulder, then my thighs.... It eventually got to the point that I was wearing clothes inappropriate for my age and body type just so I could hide all the cuts.....and get this, my daddy( I grew up idiolizeing my father.... I was a true "daddy's girl") he tells me... And I quote "If I see anymore of them cuts on you, I'm gonna beat your ass!" thanks for being there for your little girl when she needed you the most!!! a--hole.... I guess what I'm trying to say is from my personal experience my family failed to help me when I needed them the most. Maybe if you just calmy sit whoever you wanna tell down and calmy explain why you think you started to cut and ask them for their help to stop hurting yourself.... That approach might be best.... Good luck | |
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weeza29745
Joined: May 17, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-13 07:27:15 |
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DyingToBeNormal: ... I feel like that's what my family would do if they found out. I came very close to telling my step-sister, and my half-sister guessed it, but I told her they were scratches from our dog (our dog is extremely vicious). I'm sorry. ='( help me: Do you know anyone else who cuts or did cut near you? I was surprised how many people did it in my family... Half my cousins did it at one point, and it was a secret for each and every one of them... If you find them, they might be able to help you tell others. Take care. |
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sheabaybay
Joined: Jun 15, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-15 14:48:05 |
| i am 12 and i started to cut myself when i was 11 and i first did it with a plastic spoon i would break it in half so it was kind of sharp but now i have started using knifes and i will do it on my arm up high it hurts so bad but i still do it. i think i do it because of anger and stress but i feel like i can control this pain i cause myself like when someone dies that is really close to you. you can't control that but this i feel i can. my mom and dad found out and they were supportive but i still do it they told me that they didn't want me hurting myself like that but the very next day i did it again it is now so bad that i can't go an hour without doing it or thinking about cutting. i now think that i can't go anywhere without cutting things the crazy thing is that i don't want help but at the same time i do. i am scared if i don't my family will stop caring for what i do. i don't do this for attention actually i don't know why at all i do it. it just happens. | |
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weeza29745
Joined: May 17, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-06-15 15:24:25 |
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You just have to try to trust your family... Trust them to get you help. Maybe therapy treatment can help. Try to reach out and get the help you deserve, even if you think you don't. Take care. We're always here. |
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weeza29745
Joined: May 17, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-06-15 15:24:56 |
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You just have to try to trust your family... Trust them to get you help. Maybe therapy treatment can help. Try to reach out and get the help you deserve, even if you think you don't. Take care. We're always here. |
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monilondon412
Joined: Jun 18, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-18 19:15:02 |
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So there a a lot of reasons why someone might find cutting a good way to relives or exprese theirselves. im a cutter going throw recovery and know lot more reason that i used to,1 it is a way to feel yourself, to stop feeling numbness,2 its a way to punish yourself for something you consider wrong or bad(lying, fighting,eating,etc),3 its a way to release the inner pain throw blood or the simple act(scraching,purging,beating up, starvation,burning,etc),its a way to "speak" the paian you feel, sometimes the majoritie of self-injures have a difficult to exprese the feelings to others so these build up inside of use creating the "pressure" sar21 talks about,5 from the biological point of view self-injury creates a tiggering reaction on the body which releases adrenalin and endrophines, that are tthe chemicals that make you feels "strong and happy" and finaly after a while its the "only way" you can think of to make yourself feel better, it becomes like and adiction, and you may need help to stop, so the best advice is not to do it, and if u r already doing it stop before it gets wrost or seek prossetional or personal help! sorry my english is aweful i know but i think this is a topic worth the shame:) |
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carebear
Joined: Jun 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-19 22:06:27 |
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OMG. I found out about a year or so ago that my girlfriend was a cutter. She told me in a round about way and her reasoning was the same as some of yours. I had never even heard of such a thing much less knowing there were so many of u out there. I feel ashamed because I was so taken aback by it that I handled it the wrong way. The first thought a non cutter like myself is "what the hell is wrong with you are you crazy"? I am so sorry for my stupidity. Please help me in how to deal with someone like that? Had I reacted more sympathetic she may have confided in me as to why she cuts. I can tell something tramatic happened to her in her childhood because of other personality problems she has like depression and anger and past suicide attempts andbulimia but at the time had no knowledge of how prevelent this behavior is much less how to deal with it in my ignorance I was just judgemental and I truly apologize to all of you for that. PLEASE educate me on how to deal with it. I have never given up but I need to know what to do to be more supportive. On the other hand, she has to realize she has a problem and get help. Now I see she puts on a front for me because she does not want me to think she is a freak. I truly want to help but I need you guys and gals input and advice. I am truly sorry for my ignorance. Please forgive me. |
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carebear
Joined: Jun 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-19 22:15:06 |
| PS. All of your stories touched my heart and I was in tears. I pray for all of you to get the help that you need if that is what you want especially you teenagers. I hate what you all have been through and its sad that what happens to us in childhood has such a huge affect on us as adults. People can just be so cruel. I feel bad because its uninformed people like myself who make you keep this sort of thing to yourselves. | |
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amythesx
Joined: Jun 20, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-20 07:15:03 |
| It provides a release, almost like the high of a drug. One minute you have all this anger and frustration and sadness then you cut and you have a release an outlet. I don't do it anymore but it is a daily battle with myself. Another reason I did it was to ground me, sometimes I would feel like I was in a movie or something, just going through the motions, cutting myself made me feel real again, grounded in myself again rather than distant. That is the best way I can describe it. I have scars to this day on my arms, see I used to do it on my arms as if to say see I am real, I have feelings I bleed, I also did it to label myself...unfortunately I am permanently labeled as I have the word sinner carved into my arm from my elbow to my wrist, it is very obvious even though the wounds have long since healed. | |
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amythesx
Joined: Jun 20, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-20 07:28:54 |
| I read everyone's post and wish I could have found this earlier in my life so I would not have felt so alone...I find myself feeling alone again...anyway when the urge to cut becomes so overwhelming I cannot handle it I have started getting tattoos...I know it sounds weird but it helps, obviously I cannot use this forever, as I do not want to be covered in tattoos, I have also done piercings at times as well. I try to exercise when I need a release but it just doesn't provide the same comfort that cutting does, from the feeling of the razor or knife slicing through the skin to watching the blood start to run out. I am at a loss and I cannot talk to anyone because my husband would leave me, which I am ok with, but he would try to take my children I think and that is something I cannot handle. Feeling really isolated and that only makes the urge worse...I got 3 tattoos in one day to try and stop myself from cutting.... | |
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Pascal
Joined: Jun 21, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-21 14:56:31 |
| I still cut myself, I started it around the age of 15 or beginning 16. I'm now 16 years old. And it's hard for me to explain why I do it. I just hate this world and the people living on it. There are just a few people who I actually trust. Cutting myself feels like I'm getting rid of feelings inside. When the knife slices my skin and when I watch my skin bleeding, it makes me feel better, it is my way of getting rid of feelings inside, so that they won't influence my day to day life. Suicide is on my mind every single day, and then I think about what a easy way it would be to get rid of all the s--- around me. Cutting myself helps me to keep myself alive, it releases those feelings so that I won't eventually kill myself. I feel exausted and depressed. And on those moments when I haave a good time, when those times come to a end and I'm alone again the feelings come back to me, and make the cut myself again. I haven't been cutting myself for over a week, but today I started it again because the feelings inside got to much for me to handle. I feel sick for that I'm doing it, but for some reason I can't stop, because I "enjoy" the agony... Hope this kind of explains my reason why, or why I do it, or maybe other people too. Sorry if my English isn't too well because I'm Dutch... | |
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carebear
Joined: Jun 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-21 18:31:43 |
| Pascal, you are still very young and you haven't really been cutting for a long time. May I suggest that if you haven't started it yet that you maybe seek some professional help right away so that you can nip it in the bud so to speak before it gets worse for you? As you have read there are a lot of cutters out there and you are not alone however you should take it as a step to try to get better. Sometimes people may feel alone and think they are the only one doing something they are not proud of and keep it a secret from everyone out of embarrassment and that is understandable but now knowing that is not the case please talk to someone about your feelings and what you have been doing to relieve it and also your suicide thoughts so that you can get better. That has to be the worse feeling. I myself when I finally went to see a psychatrist for my depression it truly helped mainly just getting all those feelings bottled up inside of me out was a relief and a big weight off my shoulders. I am an open person and I tell it all. It is good to have someone to talk to. And when you decide to talk to someone tell them all of your feelings do not hold back because of embarrassment. I thought my therapist would look at me differently if I told her some of my true feelings but when I became comfortable with her I let it All out and oh how good it felt. You can do it too. I am MUCH older than u so it would probably be much easier for you so please please do it. I was never a cutter or never did anything to harm myself but I did get to a low point and it was beginning to affect my daily activities and my relationship with family and friends and people in general and I was beginning to really not like myself at all. But I am getting better and back on the right track and it feels good. | |
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weeza29745
Joined: May 17, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-06-23 11:56:23 |
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Pascal: I kind of feel the same way. About letting it out so you don't eventually kill yourself. A morbid part of me enjoys seeing the blood all over my hands, all over the floor. |
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WalkingZombie
Joined: Jun 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-28 01:31:16 |
| There are quite a few reasons why I cut. Because I get so angry or upset with people and the only thing I feel I can do is either hurt them or hurt myself. I also get worked up over the smallest things and I start arguments and fights over simple things like my mum turning on my fan when I'm not hot. I get so frustrated at her and after a couple of minutes I see how she didn't do anything wrong, so I kind of punish myself for upsetting others for no reason. It also seems like a release of pressure and anger and a way to get rid of my feelings. And it is the only thing in my life that I can control. When everything around me is going wrong and i can't stop it, I still have power over cutting myself. Except now i can't stop even if i want to. it's kind of addicting. A sick part of me loves watching my blood and I'm often almost proud of my scars. I hope that makes sense. | |
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Unanswered Thread: OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago |
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