Borderline - Cutting Yourself

ashtray Joined: Sep 14, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-14 04:24:56
	i find punching and hitting or bruising myself is better when it comes to explaning to people. the pain tends to last longer and the bruises fade. but i miss the blood and the sharp pain that comes with cutting. on my upper thigh i have cut myself so much, that its sort of a maze and i like looking at it and remebering why i did it. obviously i cant always remember why that was. i know a friend found out that i was self-harming and told me i should use a clean razor, but i said that i couldn't be bothered with living and i didn't care if i got infections or if i die. what's your point of view on that? do you think a clean razor is better?
QTIP Joined: Sep 18, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-18 00:35:05
	I actually have no idea as to why I still cut. I did it for the first time when I was 12 because my friend did it and she told me it was a good way to make yourself feel better when you were sad so I tried it and it worked like a charm. I remember trying to kill myself by doing it when I was 13 but that obviously failed. After that I just started doing it every night before going to bed. By the time I was 14 I was in a way "addicted" to cutting, I couldn't wait to do it at night, and I couldn't fall asleep without doing it and it was the first thing I turned to when became upset, depressed, or frightened. Now I'm 16 and for the past two years I've been doing it not only for when I'm feeling upset, depressed or scared, but- I feel odd saying this- also find that it actually feels good, not just in general, but also in a sexual way. My self-harm has evolved I guess you could say because I do more than cutting, I also burn myself, hit myself, and give myself piercings. I'm quite dependent on it now for mood regulation, and relief from boredom; It's kind of like how someone eats when they're bored or depressed, instead of eating, I hurt myself.
doggy Joined: Sep 27, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-27 10:04:54
	personally i cut because seeing the blood and feeling the pain some how helps me calm down when i get angry and upset like now every tng will be ok, some times i have to controll my anger by taking it out on myself so everyone around me thinks i'm fine as i can't help but hate the feeling of weakness i have to be strong for mysel also sometimes i just feel the need to cut and see my blood flow. strange i no but thats just me and the scars dont matter because in the end we all die any way and it may take a short amount of time or very long time but in the end its all forgotton and eventually worthless- thats how i see it.
bloo4 Joined: Sep 27, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-27 10:44:35
	i started cutting when i was 15. i dont even know where i got the idea to begin with, dont remember hearing it from a friend or seeing it in a movie.. but cutting my wrist(s) or anywhere else makes me just focus on that, instead of the issue at hand, which is usually self-hate and depression for a wrong decision i made. i stopped cutting when i was 19. cut myself once when i was 20 and again at 24. they arent deep cuts, just enough to feel pain and see blood. altho i do have little scars on my left wrist, which i partially covered up with a tattoo bc i thought i was done with that part of my life. well apparently not. im 29, and sad to say, i feel that urge once again. mind you, just bc i stopped cutting, doesnt mean i stopped all forms of self abuse. i often punch walls when i get angry, which i think, again, is just another form of hurt and depression. but that actually hurts more then cutting myself. i wish i didnt have the urge again. i feel so adolesent and i hate it. ive been thinking of therapy, but.. i know myself. its all just talk. actually doing it is a bigger step, and im too much of a punk. and maybe its bc if i do seek help, then that will most likely end my need for self mutilation, and in a sick way, i dont think i want to stop. bc i feel i deserve to feel what i feel. bc i suck.
MG2203 Joined: Sep 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-29 19:18:40
	hey am 15 year old boy..iv only been cutting for a few months now...i like to see the blood drip out even if its just a lil..it makes me feel better if am sad or angry but idk i know i should stop..and am tring to stop...good luck to every one else..(it does worck to post here..it helps to let out the feelings wich most guys dont tend or like to do)
Serafina Joined: Oct 4, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-04 16:25:51
	I have BPD and have been through so many diagnosises it's ridiculous...I'm guessing this one will stick. I started cutting when I was about 20, now 32, but usually I was drunk so it wasn't too difficult. I was fascinated with the blood, how far I could go, and would use anything that I could to peirce the skin. Scissors rendered about 40+ cuts on my legs, razor blades, cuts requiring stitches on my arms. Most recently, I use serated knives so that it's not over too quickly, but no too deep. I hurt inside, and can control this pain. For the first time ever, recently, I was sober, and used an army man's knife. That cut went pretty deep, past the fatty tissue, but what I realized was that I was cutting as another addiction. Not alcohol, not drugs; I felt like I was on heroin when I was done cutting. The pain (emotional) didn't matter, my body was numb, and I could just lay there. Not intending to die, but not really caring either way. I am conscious that I need help and that this is not normal, but right now, I am just so frustrated that there is no REAL alternative.....Just my 2 cents worth....:(
anothertearfalls Joined: Oct 9, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-09 17:53:33
	I cut for 3 years before I finally quit about 3 years ago after getting help. The main reason I self injured was for control. when I felt I was no longer in control of what was going on in my life, I gave into my urges to cut. It often took the focus away from the stressful situations that I was focusing on. Through every physical injury, endorphins are released and temporarily numb the pain, both physical and emotional. That is what causes it to become "addictive" or habit forming. Even 3 years later, I still think about it almost every day.
Searching Joined: Jun 1, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-10 00:16:31
	I cant describe it. but the feeling of doing it releases everyting. Its to the point of me exploding and i cant do anything about it. so i look at the blade and just do it. but while im doing it i have to watch my myself. to make sure i really feel what im doing. its something that calms me down. that stops everythig around me so i can focus on the pain. its like everything around me and inside me is screaming in my head and the pain drowns everything out. so all i hear when im done is the ringing im my ears and i feel my body relax.its like all then tension inside is gone.
theused_x3 Joined: Oct 11, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-11 19:51:35
	i have been cutting since i was 14. i am fixing to be 18 now. when i first started cutting it was just a scratch on my wrist, nothing serious but i liked the release i felt. at that age i was just so...angry? my parents are dicks, guys treated me like s---. lost my virginity to a guy who never really loved me. then it got more serious. i made myself bleed. carved my first lover's initials into my shoulder. the scars are still there. i still see his name right there every day as a constant reminder. my parents found out. but i dont think they ever really cared. all they did was ground me for it. no friends, no phone, no internet. shows how much they cared. threatened therapy, but if they really cared, they would have sent me. now, i don't do it as often. but i still do it. nowadays it seems like everyone just likes to f--- with me. all guys like to do is use me. i f--- them thinking they will like me and i will mean something to them but they just want another girl. i am bi. my first and only lesbian lover left me for a 40 year old lesbian. i cut her initials on my leg. but just tonight. i cut over them. i cant stand to see them there. it just hurts to see her name there every day because i loved her more than anyone i have ever loved. thats why i go f--- guys so i can find someone who wanted me just as much as she did. it hurts. but cutting is how i release my pain. sorry for spilling my life story lol. i just had to get it out somehow.
Tikitatics Joined: Oct 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-10-20 11:49:43
	I don't really know how to start this, but i started cutting when i was 11 because everyone around me hated me. I didn't even know half of them. I was talking to some older kids for how to deal with the pain and the stress of keeping up the act that im ok and none of it affected me. I use an exacto-knife and i started on the tops of my forearms so i could bluff to my parents that i had just fallen or ran into a wall. When they noticed that there were to many cuts they started to ask me about them. Letting them heal i started cutting on my shoulder. All of my friends are trying to get me to stop, but i'm addicted to cutting. If you are reading these posts because you want to start cutting, please don't start, its a bad habit to get into. With the scars it leaves its just not a good idea.
Aileen Joined: Nov 1, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-01 10:49:14
	I cut myself. I have done it for about half a year now. It feels like it helps because it calms me down, I strangely enough feel 'in control' and the physical pain is much easier to deal with than the emotions. I don't to it because of low self esteem, I do it because of a bunch of other things that would take too long to write. Even if it helps me I would not admit doing it. I don't think the scars are ugly, but I can't be with others without covering my arms. I'm dreading the time we'll begin swimming lessons again.
Aileen Joined: Nov 1, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-01 10:51:35
	Ooops, typo there. I meant ''would not suggest/recommend doing it'' Wierdest typo I've ever had x)
EMO FOX Joined: Nov 1, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-01 21:28:01
	i cut because i have so much inside i like the pain and pleasure you get. and it is a good way to relive stress and stuff just do not over do it and also keep cutting because some people like me have to people call me emo and i am ok because some people fake cut their left arm the arm that i cut. so it helps me from killing myself so if that is your reason keep doing it and i am emo but not for cutting that is a emo stereotype. if you want to know more email me at [no emails]
EMO FOX Joined: Nov 1, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-01 21:30:00
	i been cutting for 5 years and i am 15 i was doing i since 10
EMO FOX Joined: Nov 1, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-01 21:30:48
	i been cutting for 5 years and i am 15 i was doing i since 10
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