Borderline - Cutting Yourself

Bonnie Joined: Apr 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-04-20 10:20:55
	I guess the first time I engaged in "cutting" was in my youth so as to make my "bad parts" go away. If they went away then the abuse I endured at the hands of others would stop. Later in life I engaged in BDSM and there learned that cutting helps me to disconnect/disassociate from the ghosts of my past that keep haunting me. Simply put, one of many coping mechinisms I've had in dealing with a life of abuse.
erinsociety Joined: Apr 21, '10 Status: New User	2010-04-21 19:34:10
	I usually do it to release the pressure of being so depressed. I did it for no reason the other day though.. I felt so weird and I just felt inclined to do it, so I did. I still don't know why.
Bonnie Joined: Apr 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-04-26 12:46:35
	Jezter, I understand this well. I remember smiling and challenging my adoptive mother to hit the other cheek when she struck me. Standing there smiling infuriated her as it gave me power. It showed her how weak she was and it was the last time she stuck me!
PurpleTulips Joined: Apr 27, '10 Status: New User	2010-04-27 21:45:43
	I read an article in a magazine, I think it was "People" but I'm not sure, it said something about the pain releasing endorphins. I used to cut because it left scars and because it hurt. I didn't deserve to have pretty skin or to be able to show off my body. I was a bad person so I had to cause myself pain. I couldn't tell people how I felt because I didn't have the words, how do you put into words the overwhelming sense of hopelessness, fear, hate, sadness, and rejection a lot of cutters feel? Its really hard and some others I've talked to say that cutting was the only way they really knew how to make it known that they were in a lot of emotional pain. Granted most of the time self-abusers are ashamed afterwards and won't show anyone. I never did and I still try really hard not to let people see the scars. For some people its enough to cry, for others it really just isn't. All the emotional pain is just too much and there aren't any words to explain it. I mean some people cut for attention, but they're the people that wear short sleeves or show off their cuts to everyone or make it easy to be found out. But for the others, its the only way they can make their feelings real, the only way they know how to "say" that they're falling apart inside and they don't know how to talk about it. They feel weak and useless.
cyndi77 Joined: May 9, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-09 17:00:24
	Cutting is to open up the anger in your body and release it into the forces that will distroy all eveil. It is the only non-violent way to relieve anger from a "emo" point of view . i guess group therepy would surfice
alone Joined: Nov 2, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-05-10 10:22:33
	No group therapy. I get really pissed whenever I'm in group therapy. My group kicked me out.
Drainyu Joined: May 15, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-15 01:55:08
	I simply like the pain and taste of blood, the burning sensation when I lick the cut...It's purely sexual for me and I like the idea of punishment
bunnygirl Joined: May 21, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-21 15:02:13
	I find it kills the pain. When you cant talk to nobody in what you are dealing with.
deadollface Joined: May 22, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-22 21:42:34
	I think im just crazy. Every little thing sets me off now, and sometimes just talking about it makes me want to do it. Urging atm.
Raven Joined: May 25, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-25 11:51:08
	i started cutting about two years ago just to deal with pain from my mom abandoning me... i stopped for a while, but then i got raped almost a year ago and started doing it again... it just helps me get past the memories of everything i guess... after a while, it isnt painful either...
Raaven Joined: May 26, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-26 08:15:02
	im fifteen and in so much pain... i wanna cut right now, but im in school... last time i cut at school i was on suicide watch forever...not doin that again... i mean how can a person even begin to deal with being raped. it does something to you...makes you sad and lonely all the time and no one seems to understand. it hurts so bad some days- the memories and feeling so dirty and disgusting. i was a virgin too... just a 14 year old virgin. why me? i just want to cry, but i cant cry anymore so i let my pain out in blood drops instead of teardrops...
Amy Diana Joined: Jun 3, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-03 15:52:39
	I first found out about self harm when a girl in my class did it after breaking up with her boyfriend. She probably thought it was cool because she got a lot of attention for it afterwards. I first self harmed with a pice of broken mirror glass after my mother was in a mood and shouted at me and my siblings. Being the oldest, I felt as if I should have done more to help my brother and sister, but couldn't due to my age and the upset and anger was so strong I just had to do something. Things improved after I moved out and went to live with my dad, until he met his second wife. This caused all sorts of problems, and I slipped into a deep depression without even realising it at the time. Self harm was a daily obsession. I'd cut my forearms and thighs, not caring if the scars could be seen. I was stealing my dad's disposable razors and pulling them apart so I could get the blade out. Cutting felt better than all the other s---ty things I was feeling. The pain actually felt nice in comparison, but I have masochistic tendencies. it was a good way to relese anger and upset without harming others, and at one point I thought it would draw concern from my dad, but he just got angry which of course just made things worse.
Thomesgirl Joined: Jun 5, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-05 14:10:33
	I never cut myself becuz I am super scared of needles... blood makes me dizzy and I pass out etc... I didn't start self harm until I quit smoking pot. When I had what I consider an episode, I would get high. Then I quit and I needed to replace the coping mechanism... So if I got so upset that I felt like self harm, I actually take a really sharp army knife and scratch myself on my left inner arm in about inch long marks. I rarely break the skin.. I just get puffy scratches that hurt. I usually drink a beer and taking sleeping pills too. It's a way to get to sleep when I have bad insomnia and a horrible emotional attack. I just can't falthom hurting my friends or family, and I'd rather take it out on me. My boyfriend and I are open about my symptoms and he watches me closely if I tell him I feel like cutting.
allmixedup Joined: Jun 6, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-06 23:50:57
	i used to cut out of anger or because i felt nothing and felt empty and numb inside and needed to feel pain so i could just feel something, anything. i guess it was a punishment as well to myself for being screwed up. i know i didnt cause it but i hate myself for being the way i am. also, when im in a situation that upsets me, i cut sometimes to take myself from the situation im in and go somewhere else. i know im really messed up
mignight_kiss303 Joined: Jun 12, '10 Status: New User	2010-06-12 16:34:51
	hey, i started cutting in march of 2008, i was stupid before, and rather ignorant. but my life was horriable with fighting yelling, and just craziness. i wanted to die. i fist used a small sowing utensil, but as i became more and more addicted, i used shaving razors, sizzors, knives pencils, and i use just about anything i can i get my hands on. i cut on my forarms and my leggs. they are usually 2-3 unches long and a few mm deep. i like the blood that flows out. it relaxes me ever so much. i calm down and feel very peaceful. i only have three people in the world who honestly love me. and i love them though we ar not related in any way they are just great friends. but that is just how i cut its my pain reliver. i dont think i can stop though
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