Borderline - Cutting Yourself

haart Joined: Oct 17, '09 Status: Senior User	2009-12-28 18:53:04
	It wont always feel like that.
kjs Joined: Dec 2, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-28 18:53:19
	My heart hurts.
kjs Joined: Dec 2, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-28 18:55:21
	My heart is broken..I thought that my children were my greatest achievement..I guess I failed there too...it hurts too much.
haart Joined: Oct 17, '09 Status: Senior User	2009-12-28 18:58:12
	So does mine. And it's temporary. I have to believe that it's temporary. Your kids love you.
kjs Joined: Dec 2, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-28 19:01:37
	I don't want to be alone any more...
haart Joined: Oct 17, '09 Status: Senior User	2009-12-28 19:04:50
	You're not alone. There are people on this site that care about you. Hell, I'm on the other side of the world and I care. Even if you can't see it at the moment, there's hope. And if you give it time, you'll smile again.
kjs Joined: Dec 2, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-28 19:07:13
	can't smile...only tears..no sleep..always tears
haart Joined: Oct 17, '09 Status: Senior User	2009-12-28 19:11:05
	One day you'll smile again. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day. Good uck kjs :)
racyandy Joined: Oct 23, '09 Status: Senior User	2009-12-28 19:23:40
	Vodka and whatever is probally part of the problem, get in the solution. Self Harm is not the solution. Sometimes things get worse before they get better, but they will get better. You have to do some foot work and make a decision to change for the better. I know you are feeling pain, probally some failure,hoplessness, confusion, and a whole flood of negitive emotions, but you can get through it and you don't have to harm yourself. I remember a time that it felt so weird to smile because I so rarely did. I lost one of my children and never got him back, he got adopted. I lived in a tent in a field and couldn't stay clean and sober. That was years ago, but right now I'm clean and sober, I've yet to have a healthy relationship with a man but two of my children are with me now, love me respect me and have forgiven me for not being able to take care of them when they were young. I don't harm myself no matter what today and I don't put anything in me to change the way I feel. If I can do it so can you.
kjs Joined: Dec 2, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-28 19:23:47
	where are you?
racyandy Joined: Oct 23, '09 Status: Senior User	2009-12-28 19:26:06
	Fairfield, Ca
kjs Joined: Dec 2, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-28 19:28:48
	I don't have a drinking problem...If I end my life I want it to be easy...pills and alcohol seem the easiest way. I am scared...I am just so scared...I don't want to hurt my family, my children. I just feel like I can't do anymore. I am tired of pretending to the outside world that I am okay...I am not okay. I want to be okay.
racyandy Joined: Oct 23, '09 Status: Senior User	2009-12-28 19:32:59
	I read some of your earlier posts and you sound like you have a relationship or at least belief in God. You gotta know he has a plan and purpose for you. Gods will is simple, as long as your not causing harm to yourself or others you are in his will. Sometimes our suffering is more optional than we care to relize because we've become comfortable in it.
kjs Joined: Dec 2, '09 Status: Junior User	2009-12-28 19:37:54
	yes, I have a faith in God. At one time it was strong, it has wavered a lot. I know there is a plan for me. Perhaps you are right..I have been sad for so long...perhaps it is all I know how to be..I will pray as I always do tonight like I do every night..but sleep doesn't come to me..I feel no peace.
racyandy Joined: Oct 23, '09 Status: Senior User	2009-12-28 19:40:56
	Try to make a list of things you are grateful for, it helps so much. Everything will be okay and you will get through this I promise. I'm here if you need to talk.
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