Thread Topic: Borderline - Cutting Yourself
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hibou
Joined: Nov 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-08 16:04:15 |
| for me it's not trying to feel alive, its not to release all this pent up emotion, it may have started that way but it's evolved. now my cutting and hair pulling has evolved into an addiction of sorts. and lately its because i want my broken messed up inside to be reflected on the outside, not that people know about my cutting, but yeah thats my reasoning. | |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-11-08 19:58:43 |
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SuicidalCat: Thanks so much for sharing your story here. I'm so sorry that that had to happen to you, but so happy for you that you can be happy again. Maybe in a few years you can meet up your whole family again and really work things out. Sending good wishes! hibou: Yes I know how that feels as well, although I still do it sometimes to release emotions or stop being bored, I think half of the reasons is to prove to myself or someone else that I do have a problem, to show what I feel in a way they can see. Doesn't really make sense to me because I haven't showed anyone.. |
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talexander2005
Joined: Nov 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-08 21:48:10 |
| I am 29 bipolarII, PTSD, OCD and extremely depressed I just want peace. I want it to stop. I've started stabbing myself with needles to see the skin pierce and blood I want to see the white layer under the skin and then I feel high and my bad thoughts evade me for that night. | |
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flyawaygone
Joined: Nov 10, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-10 17:59:06 |
| I usually cut myself about twice a year, and just did again a couple nights ago. I was having an amazing weekend with new friends, and then I had to go home, by myself, to the never-ending quiet and loneliness. I live alone on the other side of the country from my family. The friends I've made here are brand new, so I don't want to scare them with my life struggles. I was up, and then as I was heading home, all I could think about was cutting myself. Then, like Secondtare said back in May, the next morning my arm looks like a tiger attacked me and it hurts like hell. I have to hide it at work, and from friends. If they see it, they think I'm looking for attention. So I have to hide it. But I like looking at it. I can see my pain on the inside on the outside. I stare at it. | |
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flyawaygone
Joined: Nov 10, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-10 18:11:59 |
| I just want to add that it's so nice to read about all of your experiences that are similar to mine. When my sister noticed some scars when I went to visit her, though we're best friends, she just didn't understand. I think she thinks I'm a freak. It's nice to "hear" from other cutters, to know that I'm not the only one! | |
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brat37
Joined: Nov 13, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-13 07:48:02 |
| Alot of people think people cut just for the attention. That may be true in some cases.... however, there are other reasons. When a person is depressed or has bipolar sometimes even when your taking medication you feel like you have so much on you that you have to release it. I used to cut on my left arm.... not being funny at all but it looked like freddy kruger got ahold of me..... when people started making comments about it I covered it and then started cutting in hidden places which is my right leg... I never cut deep enough to hit a vein but I still am putting myself at risk of infection but I can't stop..... when I get angry its the first thing I want to do....... | |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-11-13 08:49:30 |
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brat37 it is true that there are lots of reasons for cutting and everyone has different mix of reasons but I want people to know that if someone is doing it even partly for the attention, that isn't necessarily bad. If they want attention they probably haven't gotten much of it and they want other people to see that they have a problem and try to help, in this way doing it for attention is kind of like reaching out for help. One thing cutting's helped me with is anger control, I use to not be able to control my anger and I would get so mad I didn't know what to do (which is the reason I started self harm in the first place), but I think I can control my anger better now, even thinking of cutting makes me feel more calmed down |
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hope
Joined: Nov 13, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-13 19:36:39 |
| I don't mean to make this sound like a life story or something, but I think it's the best way you all will get where I'm coming from. I'm 16 years, diagnosed with Borderline, Bipolar, and Depression. I have also struggled with self injury for about three years and attempted suicide three times. I started hurting myself because I felt so many different negative feelings and did not know how to cope with those in a healthy way. Things at home were pretty bad and I just continued to hurt myself for the next three years. In those three years, my self injury became really severe to the point that I was hurting myself multiple times a day daily, almost died accidently, and ended up attempting suicide because I felt that I was never gonna stop hurting myself. I did stop for a few weeks here and there, and that was usually just after I got discharged from a behavioral hospital. While I was at home and even in the hospitals, I would still find ways to hurt myself, usually severely. I cut so deep that I had to get stitches 8 times, damaged a tendon in my left arm, and cut through veins in both my wrists. I bit my arm and took a whole chunk out it. I've had surgery 7 times (for something I would rather not post in order not to give anybody ideas). I almost had to get a skin graft when I made a third degree burn on arm. A year ago, when my injury was pretty severe, I decided that I didn't want to live anymore because I felt that I was just gonna keep hurting myself. I attempted suicide three times and got extremely lucky that I didn't die. Slowly in February after injuring really severely, the hospital I was at decided to transfer me to an RTC for self injurers. I went there in March and was discharged in August. Going there helped me so much in so many different ways. I still have my struggles but I can better deal with them now. I haven't hurt myself since February-9 MONTHS- and even if I still have the thoughts and urges to hurt myself, I know that I won't. I just want you all to know to not give up- and as I like to say- JUST KEEP SWWIMMING. | |
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emogirl3
Joined: Nov 8, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-15 19:23:22 |
| I cut my self again its been like 2 and half days since | |
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emogirl3
Joined: Nov 8, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-15 19:25:19 |
| i did it, I went to a physiatrist and he told me to call if I had cutting thought but I didn't call,to much of a hassle i think. this time on my right arm instead of my left | |
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Havoca13
Joined: Nov 24, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-24 19:29:30 |
| To: disorderguy, everyone will have a different reason to cut or inflict harm on themselves, as everyone as stated. My reason for starting to cut is very similar to everyone elses. I never knew how to deal with emotional pain when some one would hurt me. So I started cutting to as a release for my emotions. Best way I know how to put it is: Emotional Pain you don't know how long it will last, sometimes how to get rid of it, or even why you feel that way. Physical Pain you know how it got there, how long it will be there, and you know how to fix it... | |
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idk430
Joined: Nov 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-27 19:56:42 |
| im 16 nd ive been cutn since i was 13 but i tried wen i waz n 5th grd but the pen wasn sharp enuff so i quited.i cut for plenty of reasons, my drunk loser aunt molestd me nd argues nd fights with me for no reason,ive had bfs who did me terribly wrong especialy this year,anger and not being able to forget the past (i always recall n my mind the things ppl did to me nd wat i shudve done and regret deeply not doing it),i feel less happier than almost ever becuz im suddenly feeling these symptoms of bpd:mood swings,irritability,not so gud relaionship problms,idk i tuk lik 5 tests nd they all sed i had symptoms bt idon kno wats wrng wift me i jus wish i had somone i really trust to tawk to before its 2 late nd the last time i cut myself wz lika week ago its too much to explain i dont wanna tak up the whole page. | |
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idk430
Joined: Nov 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-27 20:10:31 |
| i also feel lik cutting is a serious release but then ill cry rite aftr i cried reading 9 pages of these posts nd i felt lik somone finally understood me;i wanna tawk to somone but i don wan them telln my bisnus to my family or friends thts proly y i haven been able to tawk openly. but i basicly feel the need to shut down completely bt idon want to dissapoint my bf who realy likes me alot nd he evn sed himself tht i seemed lik i dont want to tawk bout myslef but thats only becuz i don wan him to thnk im stupid or find me weak;i jus want to know lik wats wrong wift me lik wat do i have cuz i cant be feeling moody,irritable, paranoid,lik i hav difrnt personalitys,bi polar,feelings of deep regrets evn tho its the past,serious trust issues,abusing alcohol for nothing. idk i jus need somone to tawk to so i culd kno wtf is wrong | |
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alexmatic
Joined: Nov 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-27 20:40:55 |
| I cut when I'm at a hysterical point. It's like the only thing that will make it better and release the tension inside me is cutting r hitting. I do hit myself, scratch, bite...anything. This usually happens when I'm crying so hard I can barely breathe. Harm becomes a way for me to calm myself down. | |
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F3lise
Joined: Nov 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-27 22:17:41 |
| It's very addictive,i just cut like last night,and honestly...i don't wanna stop!!!EVER!!!AND EVEN IF THEY THINK THAT I'VE STOPPED THEIR DEAD f---ING WRONG.so yeah....i'm not addicted to weed,or booze.i'm addicted to cutting,and i f---ing love every single bit of it,down to the feeling,so sweet...so pure.PERFECT. | |
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