Thread Topic: Am I crazy?
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saucee
Joined: Sep 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-05 02:54:06 |
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I went to my GP about 6 months ago after stuggling with self-harm for 3 years. He referred me to a psychologist but I don't feel I was getting quite what I needed from him. See, the psych would make me feel fine while I was there but as soon as I left, things would return to normal. Unfortunately, this happens a lot. I seem to reflect the moods of the people around me. When I'm alone however, I usually panic, or am depressed. The panicking is because I feel that there is this 'other' me, not a different person, just different moods, wants and needs. This 'other' me is very suicidal and refuses help. I'm 17 and in 12th grade, since grade 8 I've had anger issues .. I act on impulse a lot of the time because I can be undecisive, I just go for it, then regret it, change my mind etc Sometimes I forget who I am or think that I don't exist at all, other times it's that other people don't exist. Sometimes I just want to die because I feel so numb and empty. I saw the psychologist for six sessions, but nothing really came of it, if anything I feel worse than before but because he always sees me when I'm 'good' he thinks I'm fine. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow because the psych sent him a report. I want to see a psychiatrist and get some meds to help me finish school for the next few months. How do I do this? Can I ask for a referral because I think I have borderline or will he just think I'm overreacting? |
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Unanswered Thread: So which razor/blade posted by Hip 13 hours ago |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-05 06:47:37 |
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i think i have the same problem like u. sometimes i will feel like i am worth nothing. the other time i will think i am someone who deserves something better than what i am having right now. i act impulsively and indecision all the time. i have extreme mood swings. i have to be reassured all the time. i can easily panic and change decision abruptly and will blame the people who made me panic and made me change decision. i always think of running away from a relationship instead of trying to make it for eternal. sometimes i easily feel guilty, but the other time i could do things that can make so much damage to someone and feel nothing about it. i am very revengeful and can't stand insults. like u said, when u go meet the psychologist, he sees u when u r 'good', he will think u r fine, happens to me too. most of the time i am someone who's intelecttual, able to give solutions to others, able to come out with good ideas, able to understand easily and able to teach people. but when the other mood comes, i become someone who is inferior, unable to perform, feel like i am left out and feel like everyone looking at me like i am a freak or what. i think we do have borderline as our symptoms fit. u can explain to the gp n ask for referral. i don't think u r overreacting. |
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DreamAngel
Joined: Sep 6, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-06 22:43:40 |
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I read both of your posts. I am 45, alot older than both of u. When i read what boderline was, it is me. I am married with 2 kids. Several years ago I was hurt and I am in pain and limited in what I can do. I used to be very active not I cant do anything. I cry alot and wish I was dead. I have many mood swings and panic attacks. I take an anti-depressant which seems to help sometimes. As far as the guilt, I always feel guilty. That I am not a good mom or wife or friend now. I feel useless. I started using drugs when I was around 15 and was in rehab around 6 times. That is where I met my husband. He is wonderful with me. He understands what I am going thru and try to encourage me, but I still feel horrible. There are days that all I do is yell and cry. I cant make a decision, I have to ask my husband or my kids what to do, how I look and I ok. If someone hurts me I can very revengeful. Someone came to my house, a friend of my kids and stole my medicine right out of my handbag. When I found him, I beat the hell out of him. I had a hammer and I wanted to break his kneecaps but my 15 year old son took the hammer and said I dont want my mom in jail. That night I cried for hours that I would do that to a person, what is wrong with me. And I cant take insults either, I always say something back to hurt that persons feelings and then I feel terrible as soon as it comes out of my mouth. September 14th I will be married 19 years. I have tried everything to jeoperdize my marriage but still my husband stays. He knows it is not me. That I have a problem and the only things he asks of me is to see a therapist, which I do. Girls, I have been like this since I was a teenager. I have been on so much meds its unreal. I dont do drugs anymore on my pain meds which my family monitors. Yes, I still feel like I am useless and worthless, but the anti-depressent I am on now does help and talking to a professional also helps. It is someone that does not know me and can be more objective. So all I can say to u is get some help. I feel for both of u and no u r not overreacting. This is the way we are but today there is so much help out. Use it. You are still young and have a chance now to help change your life. Up until a few years ago I was a mess. But today I can say, yes I have a problem but yes I can also deal with it with the help of my family and my therapist. If u want to talk more, please write me back. I am so glad I found this site. Now I know I am not alone. After all I have done in my life and what my life is like now, if I can help you it would be my honor. Please get help now. Before you do something stupid. I think u know what I mean. I did, but I am still here to talk about it. It was a cry for help, which I can see in your post. Hope to hear for both of u soon. Rose |
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saucee
Joined: Sep 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-07 00:55:34 |
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Well I went to the doctor, and I was in a good mood .. and get didn't seem to even listen to me. I managed to get a referral to a different psychologist but I don't know if it will help. It's difficult because the techniques that the psychologist gives are only useful when I'm in a good mood, they're no use when I'm not. How can I get my doctor to see this? If the psychologist decides I would benefit from medication, can she refer me? Or does a GP have to do that? This is my last few months at school and I'm messing it up. I used to be an A student, now most of my working is slipping to Cs. I don't know what to do anymore... Rose, thank you for your post. You seem to have a very interesting story to tell. I'm glad things are getting better for you. Amy |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-07 22:56:56 |
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hi rose, thank u to have shared your life experience with us. i am glad to know that i am not alone and i am not over-reacting. i have tried ways and means to jeopardize my marriage. i have fought unnecessarily with my husband. i had tried to run away from him, taking our son together.my husband is a very nice man.He has been tolerating with me all time. My husband is a ambitious person who wanted to give the best for me and our son. he migrated to a better country to provide us better life and sponsored us and waited for me for two years to come to him. but i denied and kept on pushing for a divorce. i wanted to end the relationship we have had for seven years for no valid reason. how can a wife ask for a divorce just because the husband asked her to migrate and come stay with him? but i did. Even our son of 6 years old can decide better than me. He asked me what is your reason for not following papa? I can't answer him. I have no reason. I was simply undecided act impulsively all the time. I always feel empty and useless as a wife and as a mother all the time. After reading your story, i feel like i have found some answers to my strange behaviour.I need to see a therapist as soon as possible. Can i know what anti-depressants are u on, Rose? |
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Unanswered Thread: shyness is ruining my life posted by paul1984 19 hours ago |
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