Thread Topic: am i having BPD?
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-27 21:27:51 |
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i have tried the test and it seems that i almost have all the personality disorders. I often find it difficult to trust people around me, consumed by anticipation of betrayal and rejection. I will betray and reject others before they do without any grounds. I am always suspicious and have impulsive behaviour such as having risky sex, over-spending, binge eating and taking sleeping pills. I avoid making important decisions of my life and let others decide for me and project blame on others for making my life miserable. I used to hate my mother and got involved with my husband, then boyfriend, and got myself pregnant without thinking of the consequenses. My mother never allowed us to get married and we eloped. With much difficulty, my husband married me and set up a good life for us. 4 years after, he left me for a while to migrate to another country to provide me and our son a better life. I helped him through financially and in other ways. He succeded in getting PR in a year in the country and wanted me and my son to follow. But i was influenced by my mother and other family members not to follow. Because i have this paranoia that he might have cheated me when he was not with me that one year and might have setbacks to betray me and because i require to be centre of attraction with lots of praise and admiration, and my husband was focusing too much of life and not on loving me, i thought he didn't love me. To make things worse, my married cousin fell in love with me and was showering me with the kind of love i anticipated. He promised me to divorce his wife for me and asked me to do the same. I hurt my husband unnecessarily and denied to migrate with him and asked for divorce. He tried to advise me to follow and convinced me how much he loved me but i refuse to listen or believe. He was badly hurt and finally because this is what i wanted, he was willing to let me go without knowing that i am having affair with my cousin. Meanwhile my cousin cheated on me, slept with his wife and got her pregnant. When i confronted him, he said it was a mistake and forced the wife to go for abortion. When my husband came back to divorce me, i can't let him go, because i just realise how much he loved me and how stupid i was to believe my cousin. While my husband has a successful life in the country he migrated, my cousin is just a cook with a very little salary. so finally i decided to stay with my husband. my cousin got angry and revealed our affair to my husband. My husband got angry and married another girl(polygamy is allowed in our culture). He wanted to divorce me and take our son away from me, but he pitied me and asked me to stay with him as his son's mother and nothing else. Am i having BPD? I am not sure how am i to cope my life sharing my husband with the new wife, eventhough i know i pushed him into marrying somebody else. I am afraid i might do some other stupid impulsive things again. |
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Unanswered Thread: Nuclear Apocalypse posted by Gumba Gumba 10 hours ago |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-28 01:25:25 |
| even after my husband has married another girl,instead of hurting me by talking good about his new wife, for atleast the things that i have done to him,just to make me jelous or something, he keep on telling me how good i am compared to the new wife and he regret to have married her and he wouldn't have married her if i had followed him to migrate last time. he never mention about the cheating thing and completely still waiting for me and my son come to stay with him. Fyi, he got his PR in December 2007. he waited for me for almost two years to come before he decided to move on, to divorce me and marry someone else. now i am fully confident how much my husband loved me and still loves me. but i am sad that i have pushed him to marry someone else and i have to share him with her, eventhough i know he still loves me. | |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-02 13:16:44 |
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I'm very sorry for what happened ... try to make it up to your husband, but don't beat yourself up over it. Everyone makes mistakes, and that's okay as long as you learn from it. Let your husband know how you feel, something like what you wrote here. But don't wallow in guilt and sadness. You should move on with your life and try to be more careful with people next time. Also if you have the means, you should talk to a psychiatrist, or a very trusted person who cares about you. It might be BPD, it might be something else. I wish you luck.. |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-02 23:05:01 |
| Thank you very much, Fantasy. I am trying to make it up with my husband. I feel deeply sorry and guilty for whatever i have done to him. I keep on telling myself that i should stay with my husband because he really loves me and still accepts me after all that i have done. But i can't help feeling that maybe now he doesn't really like the new wife. What if by time goes, he starts to fall in love with her. Again, i know this is again the nature of myself being suspicious all time. Even yesterday he told me that he really regret marrying her and how he wished he could just stay with me and my son only. He even asked her not to get pregnant now because he is not sure how to live with her and doesn't want to get stuck in her life by having a baby with her. I screwed up everything. I screwed up my life, my husband's life, my son's life and even his new wife's life. I am guilty, sad, confused. I am projecting blames on my mother and my cousin for all that happenend. They made me confused and panic. But after all it is my fault. But at that time where I was needed to decide between my husband, my family or my cousin, i failed to make a rational decision, because i have this panic attack when i am forced to decide something that i can't. | |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-03 01:31:31 |
| i was abused by my uncles when i was around six to 10. my mother will allow me to sleep with them n they'll molest me and do some other things that i can't really recall, but i know it's something wrong. has my current problem of handling life has something to do with it? | |
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Unanswered Thread: Gumba da big dada posted by Gumba Gumba 10 hours ago |
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