just gushing out what's in me.

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Thread Topic: just gushing out what's in me.

joymed25 Joined: Mar 27, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-22 14:10:22
	i want to end everything as quick as possible...... i don't want to stay.........no one asks me how i feel.....everyone wants me to perform.....who am i performing for? even i don't have the freedom what i want to do with myself....why should not i have the freedom to kill myself?..is there no value of my emotions?.i have lost myself.........i won't die today.......why can't i stand someone better than me? why shud i always suffer? why can't i tolerate?.....what do i demand now?.does anyone care?why do i feel my spirit is prisoned somewhere? why do we feign our sanity all the time? why do we hide behind a mask?why am i afraid of everyone? why do i care? i should be merciless....i should spit on people...i should slap.i am mad at everyone.will my soul be satisfied even when i am dead?
CosmoAwesmo Joined: Jun 20, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-22 14:31:13
	You could always put that in verse, get a s---ty band, and make millions of dollars. :)
Old Guy Joined: Nov 6, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-07-22 14:46:16
	Joyy Sounds like you have a tough time. What's going on?
joymed25 Joined: Mar 27, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-23 01:24:04
	one thing I have realised out of my dependency.........no one cares :that's the real picture...not even my parents..They can sympathise, stay dumb but that's more irritating and kills me one more time. @old guy yeah i have tough time all the while..i only know how i have to survive each day,each breath.i study with all these ging thru my head..i walk on a thread,yet survive...it's miraculous,but painful @cosmo..i don't want million dollars...i wanted only peace.. i wanted to lead a life like all the people around me...i beg for something i don't know yet i crave for it madly...plz don't take it as if i am making some lyrics for any band.
joymed25 Joined: Mar 27, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-23 01:29:42
	if i don't write.....i feel like i will be an inert object....if i don't cut i will lose my senses...i will lose my feelings an dbe an animal.
joymed25 Joined: Mar 27, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-26 14:28:39
	Why am I like this? Why can't I forget the past ? Why does it haunt me in the present? Why do I feel so pain inside? Why can't I reach people? Why does the chemistry of relationships never work with me? Why can't I form any friendship? Why do I think that people who come close to me are actually sympathesing me? I always tried to help others.What's wrong with me? Will I live long actually? Is suicide the only solution ?
joymed25 Joined: Mar 27, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-07-26 14:30:09
	I am tired of living like this.... What will be my destiny?
BlackOut Joined: Jul 14, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-30 14:37:42
	You sound just like me it's like I'm reading something I would write.. I feel like nothing satisfies me, like no one is good enough for me and then I feel the other way around, like I'm not good enough for anyone.. it's awkward :/.. anyway I guess we just have to live like this and try to enjoy even the most unimportant little things.. though that doesn't really work for me. I try to help others but I can't even help myself..
personisstranger Joined: Aug 4, '10 Status: New User	2010-08-04 19:04:36
	Your destiny is out there waiting for you. I understand the feeling that joymed25 and BlackOut are going through. joymed, people do in fact care, sometimes though it is just hard to express/help the way that people want to. I was irritated at myself for not saying something to a friend that was having a hard time, I tried to help but the words just did not seem to be right or I felt like I was doing the wrong thing to help the person along. "why do we feign our sanity all the time? why do we hide behind a mask?"(joymed25), to answer that I think it is in some people's nature, I know that I do it a fair deal. We feel like we want people to understand but feel safer in our own cacooon. Talk to others if you can both of you, they can help look at the whole situation of your life through a different pair of eyes and be able to tell you. Trust me I know. I have been dealing with a rushing brain syndrome sort of thing whenever I am trying to go to bed. One person I was talking to just said that I was thinking too much and needed to calm down, another decided that I needed to study my sleeping pattern (like how I positioned myself and ended up falling asleep), another looked at the religious aspect of life and talked about God having a plan for my life. If that does not work the way that you expect it, think about a time that you felt happier, maybe as a young child. Do not think too much about the past/get caught up in reminicing but instead do the things that you liked then, like blowing bubbles in your milk with the straw and having it run over the edge, or running through the sprinkler and seeing the rainbow the water and sunlight make. BlackOut, you have a good way of trying to help others. Even if you do not feel like you are helping yourself through the process of helping others you are actually helping yourself by taking your problems out in front of you through the other person and being better able to understand their problem and in a way yourself. Do not give up hope, go things will come to you. You just have to do the awful job of waiting.
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