Do you think I should seek a therapist?

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Thread Topic: Do you think I should seek a therapist?

MutsumiChan Joined: May 10, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-10 22:32:15
	My results: Paranoid: Moderate Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal: High Antisocial: Moderate Borderline: Very High Histrionic: Moderate Narcissistic: Moderate Avoidant: Very High Dependent: Very High Obsessive-Compulsive: High I'd like to list off a few things I have noticed. I am leaning towards BPD (Why I'm on this forum) but there is no way for me to be certain. I'd also like to express what my initial reaction was when I first heard of BPD. I'll start with that. I was doing something I do occasionally, not obsessively though. I was looking through disorders, trying once again to self diagnose who I am, what is wrong with me, because I've felt off and away from others (See below tendencies/feelings/experiences) for as long as I can remember. Which, as it turns out, is slipping to less and less every day. Anyhow, I came across BPD, thinking, it's worth a shot right? Even though everything else hasn't quite ht spot on and I suspect possible Bipolar. So I click in the site, read a little, and scroll to the symptoms. As I did, I realized, they fit nearly picture perfect to how I've been lately. And it scared me. It still does. I read more and more sites, looking at the variety of symptoms being reworded each time. I couldn't be bipolar. I know that now, I can't be. My emotions just sort of snap into figure. I remember one day I had been eating lunch, and somebody was bouncing a little rubber ball next to my table. I asked them to please stop. they ignored me and I felt my mind start to tense and said to stop. When they didn't I screamed "I'll f---ing kill you" and felt as if I was about ready to strangle them. I know when I was little I didn't have a temper like this. It's not who I am, persay. I've had other times where I'd just snap, or times I'll be sitting in class and suddenly start laughing, suddenly feel very happy and chipper. People would question whether I was high or not, even though I have never done anything of the sort. As I read symptoms I would relate to a situation it matched to. And then more. Some things I have noticed odd about me: - I am obsessed with apples. I will wake up in the night just to get an apple and if I don't I get on edge. I don't know if it's the sugars or what, but that's normal. - I can't do things like other people. I have never been able to efficiently learn in the usual way. I need to learn exactly what every step of the process does, not just 4X6 for example, but what X means in a detailed analysis that I would do for myself. As my grade went up, I did this with circumference of a circle and algebra. - I'll have times where I end up deeply depressed and don't know why, and snap into a feel of self destruction. I don't want to die however; I don't really know why I do this but I rely on it to keep a string of stability through the next day. It makes me feel better. I'll not cut, but claw all down my arm from my shoulder to wrist til I bleed; I wont cut as I dislike unattached metals, plastics, etc. cutting into my body. It's the same reason I never got any piercings. - I'll splurge, in both food and in others mentalities. - I fear people understanding me completely and have a hatred for when they care. Connection is a great fear of mine as well as commitment. - I have problems concentrating. Sometimes I can, sometimes I cant. The situations in which these differentiate seem somewhat random. - I have always, my whole life, wondered why I live. When I was young I assumes I lived to suffer in order to help others. Not I find it is to simply survive. - When I am confronted with too many people at one time, I feel myself get shaky, heart racing, and have to resist the urge to chew on my own skin. Once I allowed myself and chewed a small off my finger, needing to wear a bandage for a couple weeks. - I have never believed myself to be worth anything. Ever. I'll look in the mirror and think 'That's not me'. I often have identity crisis's. - I have procrastination problems. - I never have known how to express myself like others. I have always been secluded and misunderstood by most. I have few friends. - I fear conversation with those I do not know closely. - I have ended many relationships due to loving them one second and hating their guts the next. I usually regret it. - I have never let go of anybody, no matter how short I've dated them, in less then a year or two. - I fear being alone, but it's what I love best. - I go home and I fear myself. - I often have drastic changes of opinion in a day or less, such as opinions on murder, rape, abortions, children, careers, and general moral standards or values. - I feel deeply insulted and afraid whenever anybody claims to 'know me'. I could write much more but I need not write a novel. I do not expect you to read this all. I just needed to say it somewhere and see what happens.
ireland Joined: May 1, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-11 14:45:01
	Yes you definately sound like most of us here,i wouldnt like to advise you on what do do next but it sounds you will have difficulty talking to a therapist and finding one you click with,print off your post and let them read it. If its affecting yours and others lives then u should get some help x
alone Joined: Nov 2, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-05-12 15:37:07
	Ya you sound like a bordeline, but of course we can't diagnose you. You need a professional. I would look for a therapist, but remember the first one you visit isn't definatly going to work. I had to go through three before I found a therapist I like.
aliveandunwell Joined: Oct 27, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-05-12 17:34:27
	it took me being hospitalized before i knew i needed help. the things you said about yourself sound a lot like me. if youre like me you feel like youre two different people. one that needs attention and love, but the other hates people and only wants to be alone so you push people away. so when youre alone or hurt you have no one to be angy with but your self, so you self injure. i had a much more elaborate post for you but it got deleted when my internet cut out. im here to talk if youd like, but my main advice is see a therapist, and like alone said it will probably take a few before you find the right one. maybe it is BPD, maybe not, but itll be a lot easier once you know what youre "fighting" against.
MutsumiChan Joined: May 10, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-17 19:49:24
	aliveandunwell: Yeah, that sounds like it, in a nutshell. Sadly, I don't think I can see a therapist. No money.
queenofpain Joined: May 12, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-20 20:50:01
	well if you can see a physician they can try to give you meds you need. if you have insurance that is somewhat cheap (i wish we all had free health care but i suppose thats another forum) I'm on effexor and kalonipin both taken twice a day and they both have generic brands so it isn’t too much money. Of course the same meds don’t work for everyone. Ive been through TONS of diff meds to find the right ones! But these finally seem to work. Ive been through therapy when my parents were still supporting me so I know my diagnosis and have many techniques to deal when im feeling overwhelmed even with the meds. I truly wish you the best and would be happy to e-mail if you would like.
worthless bum Joined: May 24, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-24 19:55:59
	A man I know was diagnosed with bpd and was put on SSI and has meds were covered and he was deemed disabled and payed monthly stipend
worthless bum Joined: May 24, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-24 19:59:46
	A man I know was diagnosed with bpd and was put on SSI and has meds were covered and he was deemed disabled and payed monthly stipend
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