the way you cut yourself

LethalAmbrosia Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-29 06:38:47
	Started 12 years ago..first it was upper arm,then, inner thights,then partial body design carvings somewhere in adolescence..then it got more rare and wrist area..first several small horisontal with razor blades..then vertical superficial long..then for a few years I thought I got it out of my system..none of the old scars was visible...but then something made me lose control so sudden and violent I found myself smashing a bottle in a bar and slicing my arms with the sharp piece of glass..12 DEEP cuts that would have needed suture on my right arm(since I'm a lefty) and 2 on my left that were so pathetic and clumsy they are almost un-noticeable now.Yes,I was under the influence of alcohol,sertraline and tons of xanax at that time,yes I found myself walking almost unconscious and bleeding on the middle of the road.I've quit the medical treatment ever since ,because it was so tempting to abuse,and it made me feel bad about myself.I CAN KEEP THINGS UNDER CONTROL BETTER NOW without psychiatric help.
emogirl523 Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-29 16:09:47
	i use blades and sometimes shove it into my skin quickly and hard but i like to see blood so idc!!!!!!!!!! I think i am a vampire lol
LethalAmbrosia Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-29 16:27:12
	tsk tsk if it's just the visuals for you,why don't you get a job in a butchery?you'd get extremely prolific.
norcalchich84 Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-30 00:00:10
	a tried to cut myself tonight. i used a cheap ass dull knife and honestly i was too whimp to just cut deeper. i could feel how deep i wanted to go, but i just couldnt. i only cut enough to feel it burn
norcalchich84 Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-30 00:03:14
	i hurt so bad inside and i just want to release it on the outside? is that so wrong of me?
LethalAmbrosia Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-30 00:09:01
	nothing wrong with it,as long as you don't chop yourself up .Do it while it lasts,eventually you get to an age when cutting becomes a luxury.
hopelesslysad Joined: Jan 30, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-30 02:36:46
	i have a friend who used to cut herself, i helped her through a lot of issues and i couldn't understand why she did it, she was so beautiful and then she did that. people would say really bad things because she did it but no one understood how she felt...neither did i. a few months ago my gran died. my whole life has been difficult but i've pulled through, and when she died my whole life came crashing down and i became depressed and no one could help, nothing made the pain go away. so i tried what my friend did and i cut my legs and my wrists, i didnt want to die i just wanted my pain to go away and sadly it worked and now im afraid instead of dealing with issues from now on im just going to cut myself and i'll become addicted. i dont want to be this person but it's the only thing that helps.
LoveIsDead Joined: Jan 10, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-30 10:11:44
	ZzZz i have vertical 2.5 inch scars on my mid forearm the row is probs 3 inch long and in the middle of it 5 1.5 inch deepcuts 3mm apart light sweaters, thats a good idea!:) i think im going to buy a few light cardigens thanks LethalAmbrosia, good to know that you can control it now :) i myself i have tried to stop so often or even just cut on my legs but i always go back to my arm Hopelesslysad: well does your friend know? she would probably be able to help you alot having an idea of what you are going through.
LoveIsDead Joined: Jan 10, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-30 10:13:41
	oh yeah i forgot, is it bad to cut over scars or healing cuts?
Timpanilove Joined: Jan 2, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-01-30 10:19:34
	I think that telling my friends was a bad idea. They don't understand how I'm feeling so they say I have no reason to cut. But I hate myself and I feel like I deserve it. Does anyone else feel like that?
Timpanilove Joined: Jan 2, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-01-30 10:24:11
	LoveIsDead: I don't think it's bad. I do that all the time and I haven't had any problems.
LoveIsDead Joined: Jan 10, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-30 10:31:40
	yeah. this is why i am NOT going to tell my friends, they wont know unless they find out themselves. But oh i would love to just be able to talk to someone about it but since no one would even remotely understand i think it would just make it worse Timpanilove: How did you tell your friends and what did they say..?
LethalAmbrosia Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-30 10:56:37
	You know what I'm thinking now?I'm thinking how the hell I'm gonna cover my right arm in summer when going to the office,and talking to CEOs and partners .And no,such questions never poped up my mind one year and a half ago.But time doesn't stand still.FIND OTHER METHODS for releasing pain!
LethalAmbrosia Joined: Jan 29, '10 Status: New User	2010-01-30 11:09:06
	pierce your genitals,hurts.it doesn't show.it's sexy when it does.
Timpanilove Joined: Jan 2, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-01-30 14:07:06
	LoveIsDead: I just told a few friends that I knew I could trust. I just flat out told them that I cut. At the time they didn't care, but I started getting worse and they started to worry. Recently they've been threatening to go to authority or just saying that I have to stop everything and that it's getting ridiculous. I sorta agree, but it's not like the second it starts bugging them, I can stop. It doesn't work that way and it bugs me that they can't understand that.
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