Thread Topic: Words of Advise?
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Dreamhearts
Joined: Jul 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-25 18:34:11 |
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As of right now, I feel as though I'm drifting away into nothing. I feel as though my heart is racing a million miles a minute and my stomach is turning, making me feel sick. Oh how tempting that window looks as well as the concrete that lies far beneath it. Tomorrow, I'm going to see my dad in Florida. I absolutely love him, in fact I idolize him and perhaps that's why his words hurt so much. My dad loves nothing more than to tell me how stupid I am. I am stupid because of my grades and ignorant because of my naiveness in which I find to be simply because I am young. I also have severe focus problems and everytime I don't catch what he's saying he laughs at me and calls me stupid. I've asked him not to, but he just tells me not to act like it. Not only that, but he sees me as irresponsible, lazy, selfish and a liar. Then he tells me that my mom has called me much worse things. I feel like my mind is in turmoil. I remember when he was still married to his most recent wife. She hated me and found everything wrong with me that she most possibly could and picked away at it. My grandparents had to watch this and at last stood up for me against her telling her that she's wrong and stupid for being so cruel to me. My dad got furious at them for defending me. For defending ME, his only child. It broke my heart for he believed her over me and even after she cheated on him he still doesn't believe me and things that she treated me wonderfully. She was the reason for more tension between me and my mom as well as my low self-estem, or at least she is from where I'm standing. My dad certainly isn't helping anymore either. I want to talk to him about it, because he's destroying me. He was so smart, and just because I can't make good grades doesn't mean I'm an idiot. Yet, over time I look at myself and I do see that idiot, because of my repetitive failure that always seems to lurk behind me. I haven't seen my dad in almost 8 months and I really don't want to hurt him, I miss him terribly. I know if I hurt him, I will hurt myself even worse. It's like I'm protecting him from his failure of a daughter and from more pain because I know that he deserves better than me. He's worked so hard and had to live life without watching me grow up. Without my company there with him. It shreds me to know that because I miss him sooo much! Besides, leaving home is tough enough. I'm excited to get away from my b---- of a mother. Yet while I say that I feel sick again. One instant I love her, the next I hate her. It switches it matter of seconds, confusing me more. Leaving home is tough, only because I have to leave my boyfriend withouth any sort of communication for awhile. I'm insanely clingy to him as if he's the only thing I have to hold onto. Like he's the only one that actually cares. Just thinking about it makes me cry. Anyway... How can I express myself to him without feeling guilty and wanting to hurt myself in return? |
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Unanswered Thread: avoid making friends because they tend to violate my privacy posted by cocoa 55 minutes ago |
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inmichigan
Joined: Jul 26, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-26 07:38:45 |
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My mom used to give compliments -- followed by criticisms that far negated any of her positive words. My therapist called this practice "a gift with a hook". A pretty wrapped present -- and in it, pain. You really do need to get away from the emotional abuse. Have you checked into protective services, church programs, free clinics? If you are having suicidal thoughts, you can even go to an emergency room. They must treat you. And generally speaking, they will refer you to the services to help you. But it's better to go through the proper channels because you will be haunted with an ER bill. You might be surprised at how many services are out there waiting for you if you just take a good, hard look. I wish you the best. At least with them being mean out in the open, you have witnesses. And having people to back you up can help you get through this. |
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inmichigan
Joined: Jul 26, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-26 07:41:56 |
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I should add, you can try talking to your dad. My husband is BPD, and here's what happens: a) they hear you and change for just a little while b) they ignore you c) they engage you in a huge fight until you back down or d) now that they know the behavior bothers you so much, they pull out all stops and target you for worse treatment. So I would personally seek out therapy first. If it weren't for the fact that I've already been through so much therapy to deal with my BPD mom, I'd be there now. Even so, I'm thinking of returning. |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-28 11:01:03 |
| Inmichigan: What services do you mean? How expensive are they? I already know I cant get therapy, and my school counselor sux, he is shallow and I dont trust him to be confidential. | |
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inmichigan2
Joined: Jul 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-30 06:24:44 |
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There are free services through churches, colleges and certain government agencies. I'd pull out the yellow pages and start calling. Sometimes if you can't find a free counseler, you can still find a group therapy session somewhere. I think there's one called Families Anonymous or something where families talk together about their problems. You can also check your local freebie papers; they often list the support group meetings. I'm in the USA. |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-30 11:01:37 |
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inmichigan: I am in USA also, but I'm not in college yet and I don't go to church (I'm a big hater of religion, lol). What are yellow pages and local freebie papers and where can I find them? And my family is not willing to talk, I tried before. |
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inmichigan2
Joined: Jul 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-31 06:36:37 |
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Yellow pages are the phone directory the phone company delivers to your homes. Freebie papers are a free newspapers that you find at gas stations, convenience stores, and usually your town's Chamber of Commerce. (You can find addresses by searching online.) Hopet this helps :). |
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Dreamhearts
Joined: Jul 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-06 18:13:41 |
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I have returned from my trip. To make matters worse my dad fell in love with a new girl. She is 18 years old... or so she claims, making her the same age as me. Supposably, she just went through a lot at the hospital going into cardiac arrest for three hours and then stop breathing and caughing up blood. She supposably had surgery to stop the bleeding. Of course my dad had to bring her for me to meet her. Before he did, I tried to talk to him, but he blew up at me and started pitting myself. Saying how everyone is out to get him. I thought I started knowing the feeling. Even as I try to talk to him, he doesn't listen, yet when he talks to his new girlfriend he's happy and she's all he thinks about. When I saw her, she had no stitches or scars. In fact we ran all over the beach and swam in the ocean and did all sorts of things. My dad took me along with them, and I have to admit that she was fun to be around. My dad had his friend take me home, and we were talking. His friend Rich, said that he saw my dad's girlfriend's myspace and it turned out that she's only 15. Heh, I give up with talking to him. I give up on my mom as well. They both claim I'm just trying to hurt them, and the very thought of that destroys me. I have to gain control over myself. If I cut myself again, I will find myself being taken away. My dad will take me away and my mom will send me away. I've found myself closer to doing so in a very long time. I desperately need some sort of outlet. I'm losing touch with my best friend, the only one who could understand. Everyone else listens and says I'm sorry so anyways... blah blah blah, as if they didn't hear, as if I just wanted pity. No, I don't know what I'm looking for. Just an outlet perhaps.... something that will actually help... I live in the USA, do you have any numbers that I could call?? |
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wale4us2003
Joined: Sep 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-22 17:01:19 |
| i need help to come to the usa please what can i do | |
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holistic holy
Joined: Dec 24, '09
Status: New User |
2009-12-24 10:06:23 |
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p o box 533, nungua/ghana ghana |
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Unanswered Thread: My results posted by Sexynatalie291 2 hours ago |
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